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Post by joyhearn on Mar 27, 2011 2:32:30 GMT -5
I am going through my second BO. My body played a terrible trick on me. This pregnancy was different than the first. I was actually throwing up, lost weight, was tired all the time, and even had a bump. Can you believe that? Then at 12 weeks, no baby, no heart beat, only a sac, and the hcg levels had dropped dramatically. I need to know I can get pregnant. I'm so scared this will happen again. I've taken time off work and have cried nearly every day for a week. I'm so devastated. I can't believe this has happened again!
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Mar 27, 2011 8:53:26 GMT -5
I am so sorry for what you are going through. If it helps I know there are many on this site that had numerous losses and went on to have a healthy baby. It hurts so bad when it happens you feel like you will never recover. I think the second time hurts more than the first. You will recover slowly and just a bit every day. For most of us there is no reason for our losses and unfortunately it sneaks up on alot of us. I had more symptoms with my BO than either of my successful pg but my other loss had no syptoms. Take care of yourself and know we are here for you when you need us and we completely understand where you are coming from. (((HUGS)))
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Post by joyhearn on Mar 27, 2011 12:10:37 GMT -5
Thank you for you kind words. I thought being that this is my second BO, I'd be ok and know what to feel but it really did hurt a million times more. I know I'll be ok and life goes on, I'm just scared to death to try this again. I'm 29. I waited 7 years after my first BO to try this again and here it is again. All I can do is hope and pray for the best.
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Post by mzr on Mar 27, 2011 14:00:26 GMT -5
Oh Joy, I am so sorry for your losses. You are right that you will be OK and life does go on but that still doesn't take away from your grief. It is normal to be sad, scared, angry, any thing and everything. Like Lisa said, I am glad that you have found this site and I hope that you can find friendship, support, comfort, and hope from the women here. Many of whom have had multiple losses and have still gone on to have healthy and happy babies.
Miscarriages are, unfortunately, quite common - up to 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in a first trimester loss. That # is even higher if you include chemical pregnancies and losses that occur before 8 weeks. So, while it is rarer, it is not unlikely for a woman to have more than one loss in her lifetime. Not that it makes it any easier to handle. And, in most cases, we never have an answer for why they happened to us. Which sometimes adds to the frustration and fear of trying again.
If and when you are ready to try again, you may want to talk to your doctor about tests that can be done to rule out the most common and treatable causes of miscarriage such as hormone imbalance (low progesterone or hypothyroidism, as examples) or a clotting disorder (if your blood is thicker than average then there can be problems with placenta growth). These are easily treated with medications. For example, some clotting disorders are treated simply with taking a baby aspirin a day while TTCing and pregnant. Low progesterone can be treated with progesterone suppositories in the first trimester. Like I said, there are many women on this site that have been diagnosed and treated with these conditions and who have gone on to have healthy pregnancies after their losses. Other women never learn the cause of their losses, like me, but have still gone on to have healthy pregnancies. I used acupuncture after my first loss and took a vitamin B complex and fish oil pills while I was TTCing after my last loss. I'm not sure if either helped but at least I felt like I was DOING something.
So, yes, there is hope and we are here, holding your hand and clinging to that hope with you, when you need us.
Hugs, Marisa
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Post by Lauren on Mar 27, 2011 19:33:49 GMT -5
Dear Joy, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and that it is not your first. I can tell you that I have had 5 and I have two beautiful children. I had my first BO in 2004, then had a daughter in December of 2005, then 4 losses trying for #2, and then in January of this year I had a beautiful baby boy. Each loss was so hard, but after some time to grieve and heal, I would realize that I had to try again. It was worth all the pain, now as I sit here with my two precious babies. Give yourself time to get better both physically and mentally, and do be proactive with doctors to try to see if there is anything that you could be tested for to try to avoid having to go through this again. THe women on this board are a wealth of information and support. Lean on them. thinking of you, Lauren
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Post by joyhearn on Mar 27, 2011 21:08:01 GMT -5
Wow Lauren. Thank you so much for sharing. If you don't mind me asking. Did you seek the assistance of genetic testing or did you just decide to keep trying? Did you also use progesterone or the baby aspirin I keep reading about? I go back to work tomorrow and am mortified. My entire division knew I was pregnant. I'm hoping I can get through the work day alright.
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Post by mzr on Mar 29, 2011 15:18:01 GMT -5
Thinking of you today, Joy. I hope your return to work wasn't too challenging for you. We're here if you need us!
Marisa
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Post by joyhearn on Mar 30, 2011 13:55:55 GMT -5
I have had the hardest past three days ever. What I thought to be my first day back at work was actually a work holiday and I came to work and nobody was in the office. i'd been so distraught about what happened I completely forgot about the work holiday. Then on Tuesday when I got back to work a very nice co-worker of mine bought me some maternity clothing. When she handed it to me, I broke out in tears. She felt awful but I kept telling her it wasn't her fault and that she did nothing wrong. The whole day I kept getting, "How's the baby?" and each time when I had to explain what happened I just cried. I thought I'd feel ok today but I feel terrible. I keep asking myself if this really happened to me all over again. I feel like I can't shake my pain no matter what. I go back to my doctor tomorrow to have a final ultrasound to make sure the sac has passed. I'm praying it has. I don't want to have a D&C I'd just like to get this behind me.
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Post by mzr on Mar 30, 2011 16:02:05 GMT -5
I am so sorry! Going back to work and having to face your co-workers wasn't easy but you did it. And, despite the tears and everything, you made it through the past few days. I know that doesn't take the sadness or hurt away but I am still so proud of you. There will be good days and bad days and, right now your heart is still raw and the pain is still deep. And that's ok. It will take time but I promise that it will pass. Just be patient with yourself. Honor your feelings and know that it is normal to grieve. I hope that, with time, you see the strength that you have. Because you will get thru this. And we are always here, as I said. We understand your pain, we have been there. You are not alone.
I hope everything goes well tomorrow and that your body is physically taking care of itself so you can focus on your emotional healing. Take care and call on us if we can help.
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Post by arkoch on Mar 30, 2011 18:29:20 GMT -5
I am so sorry for what you are going through, and that I'm just not responding to your post. Marissa has given great advice, yes, you do eventually "heal" over time, and the pain lessens, but you never forget your babies. Each miscarriage is a loss of a child we loved immediately, and we have to take time to grieve.
I remember going back to work after a miscarriage, and how difficult it was. I told my supervising nurse and my best friend also knew, so between the two of them they made sure that most people I worked with knew what happened so I didn't get as many questions. It's still very hard though. Keep hanging on, you'll get through this.
I have had 4 miscarriages before I got pregnant with my daughter who is now 2. My husband and I went through all the testing... blood work, HSG (which looks at the uterus, fallopian tubes and uterus) ect, and Nothing. Nothing to blame the losses on. Nothing that we could treat, or fix. I'm a Nurse, and at the time of all my losses, I was working Night shift. My doctor finally told me he thought maybe I should quit my job and find something during the day. This was a very hard decision because I worked in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, and absolutely loved (although very hard at times) my job. But I did, and the month I quit working nights, I got pregnant with my daughter and had an uncomplicated, uneventful pregnancy! At the time I didn't know if it was coincidence or not, but was just so greatful to have my baby.
Well, in January we were surprised with another BFP, (really surprised!). So far so good. Baby looks healthy, and I don't know... maybe it was because my body was "messed" up from being on the night shift. I'm not really sure...
After all this, all I can say is don't give up. I know you feel like you're at the very bottom... that you can't handle any more. I know, I've been there. And no matter how many losses you have (I pray you don't experience any more), it is worth the pain. You will make it through this. I'm glad you found this site, it has been a tremendous help to me over the years.
Big Hugs, Alisha
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Mar 31, 2011 23:25:42 GMT -5
I agree with the other ladies. You handled going back to work wonderfully. It is hard no matter how you do it. Take care and vent to us whenever you need us. (((HUGS)))
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Post by kjs13 on Apr 1, 2011 10:04:23 GMT -5
I had 2 losses before I had my son who is now 2 (and I'm pg now). With all 4 pg they have all been very different. I am sorry for your losses - they are never easy. Take care of yourself - treat yourself. In time you will start to laugh and that's ok. There will be days you are feeling better and then days you don't. Slowly the bad days start to space out. Know that we are here - lean on these girls. They are all amazing!
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Post by joyhearn on Apr 2, 2011 22:45:53 GMT -5
Well when I went back to the doctor a few days ago my HCG count was nowhere near zero. It was at 2324. I go in for my D&C next week. I'll be so glad when this is all over with. I had a few good days until I'd gotten a call from a church member basically telling me my pride was the only reason I hadn't been to church. It amazes me how insensitive people have been.
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Post by mzr on Apr 5, 2011 7:12:33 GMT -5
People can be so rude! We used to have a thread somewhere on this board about all the heartless and insensitive things people had said to us after our losses. And, boy, there were some doozies! Unfortunately, we all face people like that in our life. On one hand, though, it gives us something (and someone) else to be mad at. lol.
I hope things go well with the D&C. I had one with my first loss and it was probably the easier part of the whole process for me. I went in, was put to sleep, and woke up 30 minutes later and went home. Give your body a chance to heal physically and try to pamper yourself and be as gentle to yourself as possible.
Hugs, Marisa
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Apr 6, 2011 14:38:21 GMT -5
I dealt with many insensitive people after my losses. One of the ladies on here gave me the advice that whatever I am feeling and doing is right for me and that no one had the right to dictate how to heal. Unfortunately alot of people do not see mc as a "real" loss. The only way to handle it is to ignore it. I found arguing with people pointless, even women who have had mc and handled it differently can be hard on you. The ladies on this site saved my sanity and we are here to help you keep yours. Take care. (((HUGS)))
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Post by stillwaiting on Apr 6, 2011 17:13:58 GMT -5
I came across this website and signed up today and came to know that there are many people who have gone through what I have gone through. Joy - My heart goes out to you. I hope and pray that you get through this phase soon. I have had 3 miscarriages so far all between 6-8 weeks. I was able to recover emotionally after my first 2 but the third was unbearable. Its been 5 months now after the third and it still feels like it just happened.There is not a day that goes by without feeling miserable. I just don't feel I deserved this. I am hoping happy days will come but it sometimes feels impossible. We have done every test possible and we have still not found out the reason. People around may tell you ' its alright ' but for those of us who have had the loss we know its not alright. I hope I will get immense support from all of you during this tough time.
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