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Post by carlsangel on Dec 2, 2010 16:50:15 GMT -5
Well, I got an unexpected positive pregnancy test about three weeks ago. My lmp was Oct 14th. I should be 7 weeks today. I was a little concerned about the pregnancy to start with because of a cyst on my thyroid that I had, and top of that, I have had pneumonia and a stomach bug within the last few weeks. I have had evening sickness, and quite a few symptoms, but I didn't even tell anyone about this pregnancy (besides my husband and sister), because of an underlying "feeling". I went in today for my first u/s, and they found the dreaded empty sac measuring 5 weeks. They tried to be positive and said I am probably just too early, and ovulated late. I know better...I got a positive test a few days before I even missed my period, so i know when I ovulated. There wasn't even a yok sac( which I did have with my last b/o). So, I know it is definitely a blighted ovum. I am really sad, and have been crying alot. I guess the time of year it is, doesn't make it any easier, and of course all the ways you blame yourself. I am determined not to let it ruin our Christmas though, I have 6 precious babies here with me, that need a happy mommy for the Holidays. Im praying everything will happen naturally. I go back in 2 weeks for a follow up u/s, and I hope to get my levels checked. Well, thanks for listening guys. It means alot to have you here.
~Hannah~
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Post by Lauren on Dec 2, 2010 18:07:20 GMT -5
Oh Hannah, I am so sorry to read your post. I have had two losses at the holidays, and it is hard, but on the other hand it is an easy time to lose yourself in the cheer and business of the season. I usually could make it through the holidays, but then crashed in January. I will pray that you miscarry naturally and without any suffering. Take comfort in your sweet little children, and know we are all here for you! xo, Lauren
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Post by justinsmomma on Dec 3, 2010 8:16:21 GMT -5
I am so sorry Hannah. Sending loads of prayers and HUGS hun, hang in there, and let me know if you need me!
HUGS
Kris
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Post by shell on Dec 3, 2010 10:37:10 GMT -5
Im so sorry to hear the sad news Hannah. 'Hugs'
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Post by mzr on Dec 3, 2010 12:38:09 GMT -5
((((Hannah))))
I am so sorry sweetie! I think you are right that the holidays will be so busy and full of hugs and snuggles from your beautiful children that you will get through it. But, of course, it is still ok to be sad. As with every loss, be gentle and patient with yourself. Maybe a christmas massage to pamper yourself?
Big hugs for you all the way from France! Love, Marisa
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Post by lfischer on Dec 3, 2010 16:06:38 GMT -5
{{{Hannah}}}
I'm so sorry, hon. As Marisa said, be kind and patient with yourself. It is very much ok to be sad and to grieve and at the same time enjoy the love from your little ones.
Hugs, love, and prayers~ Leah
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Post by carlsangel on Dec 6, 2010 17:54:45 GMT -5
Thanks so much everyone! Still no cramping or bleeding. My last one happened at 7.5 wks naturally. I am almost 8 now. My sister had one that lasted almost 12 wks before she finally miscarried. Actually it seems wierd, but part of me wants to hold on to just being pregnant. I have lost most of my pg symptoms, which is nice. Im not too anxious to start bleeding a get it over with. I have to say this time is so different than my last b/o. Maybe because I know what to expect as far as the emotional rollercoaster. Little things will set me off and I'll start crying...other than that I feel pretty good. Guess I should try to get in to get my levels checked. I don't really care about that either...maybe im in denial. On the other hand, it would be nice to pass everything by Christmas, just to get it over with, and be able to move on. My birthday is Jan 3..definitely be great to have it done by then. We will see. Well, thanks again guys! I really appreciate all the advice!
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Post by mle24dec on Dec 6, 2010 18:02:52 GMT -5
(((Hannah))) I am so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and praying everything happens as easily as possible. Michelle
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cubs
Senior Member
Posts: 395
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Post by cubs on Dec 6, 2010 21:21:03 GMT -5
I am so sorry. Just give yourself all the time you need.
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Dec 6, 2010 22:29:59 GMT -5
I am so sorry to hear your news. (((HUGS)))
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Post by cheri on Dec 6, 2010 22:57:39 GMT -5
I see that you have six children. I want you to know that I totally understand that each loss is different-even if you already have healthy children. I had two girls and then two BOs. Someone dared to tell me. "Well at least you can have kids." Well I spun around on my heals and said, "Well I didn't choose for one of them to die." A loss is a loss-and i am truly sorry for you pain. You are young yet if you chose to have more kids-then that is you and your DH's right. I don't know how you do it-but God Bless!!! Prayer going out for you.
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Post by carlsangel on Dec 10, 2010 1:08:06 GMT -5
Well, I had a second ultrasound yesterday at 8 weeks. The sac was measuring 6 weeks, and they found a teeny tiny baby in there. Still no heartbeat or yoke sac. There was also a subcorionic hemmorage. Since there was a baby, is it still considered a b/o? Still no signs of miscarriage. Hopefully I will get my levels checked next week to make sure they are going down. no bleeding yet either... Maybe thet can give me a pull to get it started.Thanks for all the prayers guys! ~Hannah~
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Dec 10, 2010 7:53:59 GMT -5
My first m/c had a baby but no hb and I hate the term they use for it. On my medical file it is called a missed abortion I prefer to refer to it as a missed m/c. I am so sorry. I always hold out hope that they will find a hb. Take care of yourself and try to get a little time for you even with all your wonderful lo's. (((HUGS)))
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Post by mzr on Dec 10, 2010 8:13:41 GMT -5
Oh Hannah, what a rollercoaster! Is there any hope that this baby may still make it or are the doctors telling you that no heartbeat or yolksac now means that you will miscarry soon? I know you are certain of your dates but you could have ovulated late. It sounds like you have been under a lot of stress lately with your health issues and I know you guys had a difficult time earlier this year with Andrew's seizures. Anyway, it sounds like you have a good attitude about everything. Our bodies take care of themselves so trust that your body is doing what is best. I know you will. Your faith is so strong and you have the love of your wonderful kiddos and DH. You will get thru this!
Big hugs, Marisa
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Post by lfischer on Dec 10, 2010 12:17:46 GMT -5
{{{Hannah}}}
Sending love and prayers~ Leah
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Post by kjs13 on Dec 10, 2010 13:49:46 GMT -5
Thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers
Kristy
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Post by arkoch on Dec 12, 2010 16:49:53 GMT -5
Hannah, I'm so sorry to read this. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this again. Yes, you know what to expect, but each loss is different, and each loss needs to be grieved. Please take care of yourself.
Hugs, Alisha
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Post by carlsangel on Dec 13, 2010 4:06:40 GMT -5
Thanks again for your responses ladies. Your encouragement and prayers and virtual hugs mean alot! I am having a rough day today. Yesterday was a great day, didn't cry at all, and really felt I was doing ok. Today I have been a weepy mess! I went and got a book from Barnes&Noble called "I will carry you" about a woman who finds out her baby is incompatible with life, and chooses to carry to term. It is a very good book, and I would recommend it to anyone suffering a miscarriage too. It also makes me thankful for early miscarriages, even though that sounds weird to say. Her baby had all kinds of problems and missing organs...I adjust can't imagine going through something like that. I have done some reading online, because I found myself trying to hold on to hope, and it sounds like there is no possible way a baby can make it without a yok sac. There have been cases where a heartbeat was detected without one, but it always ended bad. So, still waiting for something to start, and my body to let go of baby. It is an agonizing wait, but I am trying to suck it up for the kiddos at least until Christmas is over...they have no idea what's going on. Well , I will let you know if anything changes.. Thanks again! ~Hannah~
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Dec 19, 2010 2:06:11 GMT -5
I am so sorry Hannah. When I had my missed mc the baby had a hb at 12 wks and I was injured and one of my sacs tore and some other things and I remember holding out hope that it could be fixed or maybe the baby would be fine so I feel your pain. Hold your lo's a little tighter and take care of yourself. Know that my thoughts are with you. (((HUGS)))
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Post by carlsangel on Dec 19, 2010 8:36:22 GMT -5
Well I had quite the ordeal this evening. I was standing in the store and " it's a wonderful world" came on. I stared getting a little weepy, then I realized I better get to the car... The time was coming. I had my hubby come in and pay for the stuff, because things were happening fast, and i didn't want it to happen in the store. We started to drive home, then I realized something wasn't right...we turned around and went to the hospital. I had filled the seat with blood, and hoped the kids wouldn't notice. I walked in the ER thinking maybe I should just go home...I will be ok. Then before I knew it I was standing in a huge puddle of blood. I was so embarrassed and scared. Standing there crying and not knowing what to do. A kind stranger grabbed me and hugged me and told me it would be alright. I dont remember her face, but she had a soft voice telling me it would be alright. I know she didn't care about the blood on her shoes, she was so kind. They wisked me in the back, and I covered the floors all the way to my room, then when I stood up again...all I can say, is I didn't think the human body held that much blood. The called in the OB Dr right away to do an emergency D&C. I told Dr. Baurick that I really didn't want one because I didn't want a scarred uterus. He said it was safe really the lesser of two evils because if he left me like I was I would either bleed to death or get an emergency hysterectomy. I chose the D&C. My sister was by my side, and I was very drugged up, but it hurt like crazy! I'm not sure how much blood I lost, but the ER nurse said it was the most she had ever seen. I am feeling so much better now, and I'm happy it's all over. I miss my angel baby, but I thank God for being with me so I can take care of the babies I have here! Thank you all for praying!! I am home now and pretty woosy from the drugs and everything that happened. It kinda feels like it was all a dream. I'm cuddled up in bed now watching an old Bing Crosby movie, and as sleep as ever. Thank you everyone, I love you all!!
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Post by Lauren on Dec 19, 2010 9:39:31 GMT -5
Oh Hannah, That sounds so scary.... I am so glad that your husband was with you and that you got to the hospital. I am also glad that the worst is behind you, at least physically. I remember when I had my one natural miscarriage being in church with my parents on Easter and suddenly feeling such a huge gush that I ran to the bathroom... it was nothing compared to what you experienced, but it was still scary.
I am so glad that you are ok now... take extra care of yourself and enjoy the comfort of your children! love, Lauren
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Post by mzr on Dec 19, 2010 15:52:00 GMT -5
Oh Hannah, I am so sorry that it happened the way that it did. I can only imagine how scary it was. Just reading your post makes me want to fly to Alaska and give you a HUGE hug!! But, like Lauren said, I'm also relieved for you that you have your closure and can begin healing, both physically and emotionally. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself and know that we are always here for you.
Love, Marisa
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Post by existential27 on Dec 20, 2010 18:12:35 GMT -5
Hannah,
I'm so sorry things happened the way they did, but am glad everything came out okay. At least that part is over now, and you won't have that to worry about over Christmas. I hope you will find peace and comfort in the joy of your precious children this Christmas.
Many hugs to you!! KC
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Post by daffylexer on Dec 29, 2010 16:10:06 GMT -5
{{{Hannah}}} I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and what you had to go through. I've only been able to make to the boards sporadically lately so didn't know until today, but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.
Hugs! Alexa
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Post by carmenivy on Jan 1, 2011 22:25:40 GMT -5
Hannah - I don't know how I missed this post. I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for your emotional and physical healing. ((hugs))
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Post by angie1 on Jan 3, 2011 10:26:37 GMT -5
Hannah, I am so sorry for you loss. And I'm so sorry all you had to endure when you went to the hospital. I hope you are feeling better physically, but I know emotionally you are grieiving. I'm thinking about you and your family.
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Post by nicole on Mar 12, 2011 8:47:37 GMT -5
Hannah - I hope your heart is beginning to heal, but we are never the same after a loss. Take time to recover and get back to TTCing if that is your desire! Hugs, Nicole
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