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Post by maybenextyear on Nov 24, 2010 13:57:58 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I'm new here and experiencing my first blighted ovum. It's been a very long month and I've had about as much as I can tolerate right now and really need some support. It's a really long story but basically I've been told that everything is normal to nope, you have a blighted ovum, back to everything looks normal and then told it was a blighted ovum again and I'm going to miscarry. Well since being told I was going to miscarry (for the 2nd time) my HCG has gone up and the spotting has stopped. I've been spotting on and off for the last 2 weeks, brown/red/pink you name it. It has never been more than spotting and I've never had pain. Now, on Monday I passed a clot about the size of a golf ball, spotted a little after, no pain and now nothing. So I guess my question is, can you have spotting with no pain, one big clot and have miscarried? Everything I've read says that you have to have pain, heavy bleeding and clotting. And now my HCG is up! I'm SO confused and feel so out of control of my own body and I have no idea what's going on. My doctor is wonderful and really supportive and still thinks it's a blighted ovum and at this point I've accepted that but my body isn't giving me a clear answer. I have another HCG this week and ultrasound next week and I have no idea what to expect. Thanks for listening. My husband tries to be supportive but he just doesn't get it and it's been such a roller coaster of emotions for the last month that I can't take it anymore. UPDATE - HCG last week went down to 4600 and ultrasound yesterday confirmed a BO. The sac is still there although starting to degenerate. Just waiting to hear from my doctor now about scheduling a D&C. At this point I just want it over and done with so we can move on and start trying again. I'm a little nervous about having a D&C
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Post by mzr on Nov 24, 2010 14:42:33 GMT -5
Oh hon, I am so sorry for this roller coaster you are on! How far along are you? Spotting can be normal during pregnancy. I know there are a few women on this site who have experienced even heavy bleeding during healthy pregnancies. Are your HCG levels doubling every few days? Your experience sounds similar to my first loss. Not exactly but I too was on a rollercoaster with my docs telling me that there was something wrong but then there wasn't but then there was again. It lasted 3 weeks but it felt like years! Especially since I was going in every 2 days for blood draws for HCG and had a 2 ultrasounds. It is a terrible, terrible feeling to feel so out of control of your body, as you put it. Oh gosh, I can't even tell you how many times I said that! I ended up finally getting confirmation and deciding to have a D&C because I didn't have any bleeding or signs of a natural m/c. But then my HCG levels stayed elevated for 4 more months so the roller coaster continued. I have to say that I would NEVER have made it thru those months without the amazing women on this site! It is a wonderful place for support.
I can't answer your question about the pain and heavy bleeding but I would guess that that depends on how far along you are and how your body. But I know there are women on this site who have had natural m/c so could probably give you a better sense of that.
In the meantime, I really hope that you get resolution soon, one way or another, so you can start moving forward. Like many women on this site, I try to hope for the best but plan for the worst. In that vain, the fact that your HCGs are still elevated is a good sign. I worked with a woman who shared with me her pregnancy loss experience. It was similar to yours - lots of bleeding (she ended up in the ER) but she still "felt" pregnant. The only explanation the docs could give her was that she had probably been pg with twins and lost one but the other survived. Her daughter just graduated from law school last May. So, while I know each day is a challenge, try to take care of yourself, honor your feelings and try to hold onto some hope until you get confirmation. And know that you are not alone. We are here holding your hand and are here if you need anything. And, if you are feeling hopeless, we will hold onto the hope for you for now.
Take care of yourself. Hugs, Marisa
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Post by maybenextyear on Nov 24, 2010 16:36:54 GMT -5
Thank you Marisa. I'm nearly crying reading your response and feeling your support. I have needed it so badly and I'm so relived to have found this site. Like you said, I'm prepared for the worst and expecting to see nothing at the ultrasound next week. I can't even think that they might be wrong cause I don't want to get my hopes up but then I feel guilty because if there is a baby then I've totally denied it's existence.
Originally I was told my dates were wrong because I had just come off the BCP. When I thought I was 6 weeks the ultrasound showed 4 weeks which is really hard to accept because then I know when I ovulated and my cycles are so regular I could set a clock by it. So I really have no idea how far along I am. By dates it should be 9-10 weeks but ultrasound says 7-8 weeks.
My HCG is rising but hasn't doubled in the last week. I went from 4300 on Nov 8 to 4800 3 days later and then 6800 a week later.
I'm just so emotionally drained and confused that I have no idea what to think anymore. I've accepted the blighted ovum diagnosis but I'm frustrated because my body just won't let go and let me move on.
Thank you everyone so much for all your support.
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Post by mzr on Nov 25, 2010 8:07:33 GMT -5
Oh sweetie, I know exactly how you feel. Most of us on this site do. It's a terrible feeling. I read recently that part of the trauma of a pregnancy loss is that you are excited for the baby before you even get pregnant. So, even if you've only been pregnant for a few weeks, you've grown attached to the idea for so long. And add to that the fact that you ARE pregnant so your body and mind are reacting to the pregnancy hormones. Be gentle with yourself. If they are wrong and there is a baby, you have not hurt your baby by denying its existence for the past few weeks. Your body is taking care of the baby while you take care of yourself thru all of this. Trust me, almost every single lady on this board, after having a loss, spent at least the first 12 weeks of their next pregnancy trying desperately not to get too attached, fearing that each ache and pain was the start of a m/c, and those babies turned out fine. So, you are not doing any extra harm to your baby now. I promise.
To be honest, though, your numbers sound similar to what mine did with my BO. At the time that it was officially diagnosed at 9 weeks, my levels were around 8000. Even though the sac measured 6wks on u/s the doctor said we should have been able to see a HB which we didn't. The doctor told me that the placenta could continue to grow and release HCG until 14 weeks before it realized that there was no baby to support. For me, that was when I opted for a D&C. I needed closure and just couldn't handle the waiting. Like you said, it's feeling so out of control over your body. But, really, we don't have control over our bodies. I always joke that if I had been asked to design the female body I would have made it so that one could make their abdomen became transparent at any time. A little window into the womb so that you could just SEE what was going on. Even if it was bad news. It's the waiting game that is the worst. But you will get through this. And you will find women here that understand what you are going thru. I know it feels so terrible now. So many of us have been exactly where you are. And we made it thru so I know you can too. Just take it as slowly as you need to. One day, or even one minute, at a time.
Hugs, Marisa
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