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Post by pandorax on Nov 22, 2010 16:10:45 GMT -5
I'm so years old and this is my second blighted ovum... the first was when I was 18...it happened at about ten weeks... I was extremely depressed but decided it was Gods will and moved on. Now im 20 years old and with another man.. whom I love and we are beginning a new life together.. We were extremely happy when we discovered i was pregnant.. I had pain from the beginning of the pregnancy and at about 12 weeks we discovered there was no heart beat.. the doctor said maybe it was just to small.. but in ,my heart i new what was happening.. at 14 weeks i began to spot and when i went in for an ultrasound I was told the pregnancy hadnt grown since six weeks...a few days later I miscarried.. (only after having pelvic exams did the miscarriage become active.. both times) Its been about a week and a half and the doctor wants to refer me to a specialist .. something about chromosones...
my questions are these: does a blighted ovum have to do with the parents genes? how do i prevent it in the future? could it be that im too young? is it odd that ive only been pregnant twice and both times it was a bo?
and even though i am not as depressed as i was about the last pregnancy should i go to a support group? (i have quite a few insecurities about my relationship due to this..) and im scared to ever try again.
---thanks for listening, reading, comment or eeping me in your prayers.. I'm not sure how I should be feeling
I kind of feel inhuman for not being devastated..
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Post by existential27 on Nov 22, 2010 22:19:51 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't think there really is a way to prevent BOs-- they just happen. Ultimately, it's just that the particular egg and sperm that came together were not able to develop into a normal pregnancy. It doesn't mean that every egg and/or sperm are bad, and most women do go on to have a successful pregnancy after BOs. As for your age, women are born with all of the eggs they will ever have, and eggs decrease in quality as a woman gets older. You are young, and that is a good thing. I think age is more of an issue to consider when one is in their mid- to late 30's, and ealry 40's.
It never hurts to see a specialist after you have had more than one loss. Some doctors will wait until you have had 3 losses before making a referral. There are some tests they can do to see if other issues are going on that would affect pregnancy-- like hormonal issues, clotting disorders, thyroid issues, chromosomal issues. Some of these issues can be easily dealt with. But, often, nothing is found. It could very well just be a fluke that you have had 2 losses.
I do think there is value in going to a support group, or individual counseling. There is no right way for you to be feeling-- we all go through our own process. For most, it's not an easy journey, and it helps to have support along the way. The fear of trying again is pretty common-- so many of us here have been there. I won't tell you that the fear will go away-- just most get to a point of believing that the benefits of trying again far outweigh the risks.
I'm sorry you had to find us here, but it is a wonderful place for support.
Hugs!! KC
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Nov 22, 2010 22:55:13 GMT -5
I feel for you. I was 20 when I had my first loss (it was not a bo but a missed mc) and I remember my first thought was that I was to young to have a mc. For most of us we never find out why it happens unfortunately we just have to go on without knowing. There is never anything wrong with getting more information so seeing a specialist might help. I don't think age has alot to do with whether you mc or not in most cases I mc at 20,29 & 30 so there was a decade between my first loss and my last.
I agree with everything KC said there is no right or wrong way to feel. Therapy may help you deal with this loss, your past loss and any feelings that come up during future pgs. I know it helped me when I needed it.
Please feel free to post anytime we do understand where you are and are here for you. (((HUGS)))
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Post by pandorax on Nov 22, 2010 23:38:17 GMT -5
thank you so much... I really apprerciate it.... i have just kind of felt numb in the situation and cant really speak to my boyfriend about it because he is devastated and i dont want to keep upseting him..... the encouragement , advice, and information is helpful
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Post by mzr on Nov 23, 2010 6:53:21 GMT -5
I agree with the other ladies. I am so sorry for you losses and everything that you are feeling is normal. You have found a great site for support if that is what you feel you need. For me, this site has been an amazing place to come not only for support over my losses but also for friendship. When I got pg with my first loss, I had 8 close friends who were pregnant and all went on to have healthy babies. So I didn't really feel like I had very many people who could understand what I was going thru in my "real" life. The women here have all been thru similar experiences and we all understand that the grief hits you in different ways and at different times. I hope you find the support you need in your life because I really believe that part of what gets you thru each day of sadness is knowing that you are not alone. In response to your question about genes. I am a genetic counselor so, briefly, I think the concern that your doctor is expressing is that while miscarriages are common (about 30% of pregnancies will miscarry), it is rarer for women to have multiple miscarriages (about 10% of women will have consecutive miscarriages). In about half of the cases of early (first trimester) miscarriages, which include BOs, the problem is due to some chromosome problem in the fetus. That does not mean that there is something wrong with YOUR genes or chromosomes. But that something was wrong in the chromosomes of the egg or sperm. You had no control over which egg met which sperm so there was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening. That all being said, typically, doctors will not look into causes of multiple miscarriages until a woman has 3 in a row. My guess is that, because of your young age, your doctor is just being extra cautious and supportive since, while age doesn't usually play a role in BOs, as women get older, our eggs get older so the likelihood of their being problems with the chromosomes in the eggs go up. But you are 20 so your eggs should be young and healthy. So why the 2 miscarriages? I honestly think your doctor is just trying to figure out whether there is a connection between your 2 losses. Something that may be treatable. For example, several women on this site have been tested for and found to have disorders with how their blood clots. If your blood clots too quickly then there can be a problem with the placenta developing and that can cause the fetus to stop growing early. This can be treated with medications. Chromosomes are another issue. You are healthy yourself but there may be a VERY SMALL chance that there is a change in your chromosomes that is balanced for you (so causes you no problems) but that, in some of your eggs is unbalanced. This is very rare so I doubt this is what is going on with you but doctors are trained to think through all the possibilities and test for them if possible. I know this is a lot of information and it's always best to talk to your doctor directly about what his or her thoughts are. Your doctor may recommend that you go see a genetic counselor too. A counselor will sit down with you and ask about your family history. Are there any other women who have had multiple miscarriages? Any children born with birth defects (mental retardation, heart defects, missing or extra fingers/toes?)? Any health issues that you have had in your life? These types of questions will help a genetic counselor and docs consider what tests may help you to figure out if anything is going on or if, you are like many of us on this site, just "unlucky". I hope this helps. I know that it is hard. There are lots of thoughts and emotions going thru your brain. But you will get thru this. And, if you boyfriend has any questions or wants to reach out to other men who have gone thru this, men are, of course, welcome here but there are also not many but a few male-specific support group sites on the web including: www.october15th.comwww.babylosscomfort.com/grief-resources/#fathershealth.groups.yahoo.com/group/MOMCG/
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Post by pandorax on Dec 7, 2010 21:49:13 GMT -5
thanks for that... very informative... Illmakesureo pass thissite along to him
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Post by arkoch on Dec 12, 2010 17:02:24 GMT -5
((HUGS)) I'm so sorry for your losses. I was young, only 22, when I had my first loss. I am one of those women who falls into the small percentage who has consecutive miscarriages, without a found cause. I did go on to have a healthy pregnancy, and now have a active toddler.
I think Marisa answered your questions with about as much detail as you could hope. (she is very educated!) This is nothing you could have prevented. Unfortunately, about 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in a miscarriage. Even among young, healthy women. As Marisa mentioned, at this stage in your life it probably doesn't have anything to do with age, just the unfortunate match up of a sperm and egg that weren't healthy. One of the most important things to do is keep yourself healthy. Allow yourself to grieve however you feel is right. Every loss affects people differently.
As for a support group, if there is one that you can go to in person, that would be great. For me, I just happened upon this group when I had my first loss and was trying to learn more about what a blighted ovum was. I have found amazing women here, have made incredible friends. The women here truely understand what you are going through and what you are feeling. We've been there, and can help and support you through your journey to have a child.
Please know that we are always here for you. Hugs, Alisha
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Post by pandorax on Dec 13, 2010 20:26:49 GMT -5
than you, every time some one replies to this post it makes me feel a bit better...
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