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Post by shell on Jun 9, 2010 6:08:59 GMT -5
Hi ladies.... well I didn't feel like taking any calls today.... all I wanted to do was get onto the forum and let it all out. I went for my scan today.... on entering the ward was told 'you shouldnt be here if you dont have any bleeding..... this is known as the 'crying ward... its for people who are losing there babies'..... I just gave the nurse a dirty look. Anyway I went in for my scan presuming im 7w2d's and they found a sac measuring 8mm..... They didnt want to call it a B/O yet as they say I might just be earlier than I thought.... BUT I took a pg test at 4 weeks which was over 3 weeks ago and again 2 days ago and had strong lines on both. I cant be that early in my pg as i know my cycles well. (please dont give me false hope). Anyway they took my bloods today and will let me know what they are either late tomorrow or on Friday.... if they are still up then I need to go in for a 2nd set... if not then they gave me the option of taking the pill or suction (they dont do D&C's there anymore). I opted for suction.... at least its faster on healing and can try straight away again. Oh deary me...... I have all my close friends wanting to know how it went ... I sent them a text but just dont feel like talking to them right now. Im just so grateful that I have Micayla.... she is a true blessing. I still kept my appointment that I had booked for the gynie to see why i was not falling pg so I go see him on the 21st.
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Post by Lauren on Jun 9, 2010 9:08:04 GMT -5
Oh Shell, I am so sorry to read this. I know how horribly sad, angry and confused you must be now. Definitely take comfort in Micayla.... I know for me my losses after Lila was with me were horribly painful, but I took great comfort in her sweet kisses and hugs. The children we have are a great blessing that we can turn to when life just seems too hard. I am thinking of you. xo, Lauren
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Post by existential27 on Jun 9, 2010 13:54:23 GMT -5
I'm so sorry, Shell. I think it's easier to suggest that someone might be earlier than they think than to say it's a loss... but, when told that with my BO, I, like you, knew the numbers just didn't add up. Still, I think it's just in most of our natures to give hope because we all know how devastating loss is, and we hope no one has to go through that.
I don't know anything about how the healthcare system works in the UK, but I'm wondering if testing will be available to you. After someone has more than 2 BOs, I have a harder time believing it's just a chance occurence, and wonder if there's something going on that stops your pregnancies from developing past a certain point. I would wonder if the simpler things like taking aspirin and/or progesterone would help. Blood tests for clotting disorders and hormone levels are fairly easy to get here in the US, and at least help rule out a few things. Thyroid and vitamin D levels have also been mentioned on here.
If you do have the suction, will they do testing of the tissue? I know for some women, that has come back as no genetic abnormalities, which I imagine is hard to hear. But, I take that to mean something else may have happened to prevent further development. If only it was easy to pinpoint what that is...
I also wonder about in virto fertilization after someone has had several BOs... if so called "egg quality" is thought to be an issue, it just seems to provide a means of picking the best fertilized eggs. Again, I'm not sure what is available to you.
Again, I'm very sorry you are going through this. I agree that the children we have are a true blessing. And, I also know of that yearning to have another child. It's hard to understand when our bodies made it happen once... why isn't it happening again.
I wish you the best, and hope a healthy pregnancy is in your near future.
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Post by shell on Jun 9, 2010 14:17:23 GMT -5
UPDATE: First of all thank you ladies for your replies. To answer your questions.. Yes I have had various tests and they all came back normal in the past. I also took baby aspirin and had a healthy baby girl. OK NOW FOR THE UPDATE!!!! BRACE YOURSELVES!!!!! After they told me it looks like a b/o I saw the Gynie who decided to take some bloods to see what my levels were as my G/Sac shows about 5w4d and its impossible that I ovulated so late meaning I managed to get a bfp 5 days after ovulation.... anyway.... I got home tonight after much driving around trying to deal with the fact that im gonna miscarry again.... only to find a message on my answering machine from the doctor saying my test came back and my levels are right for the gestational sac? so they want me to come back in on Friday for more bloods to see if they are doubling.... the reason they did it is because I still have sore breasts and if it was a bo then I should have lost my symptoms 2 weeks ago. So now I feel like im on rollercoaster. Im not jumping for joy nor am I down.... Im just not anything right now..... im just doing alot of housework, seeing to my daughter and keeping myself busy so as not to try make head or tails of any of this. I will just have to wait till Friday and see what happens. Oh can i be given so many ups and downs in one day!
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Post by carmenivy on Jun 9, 2010 14:41:09 GMT -5
Oh wow, Shell, what a day you've had! I do hope that everything is great with your little bean. Hopefully you are just really early on in your pregnancy and that is why they only saw an 8 mm sac. Keep us updated! I will be thinking of you and praying that everything goes well on Friday.
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Post by existential27 on Jun 9, 2010 16:03:44 GMT -5
I hope everything still works out for you! When I had my BO, my first hcg level would have been fine for the 5 weeks my sac measured on US, but it was well below normal for my true gestational age. My doctor was very optimistic after the first level, feeling it supported his theory that I was just off on my dates. Two days later, my hcg level had only gone up by about 5%, and the optimism was gone.
It is hard to conclude anything from one hcg level, but at least it gives a reason to remain hopeful until you know more. I hope the time passes quickly for you!
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Post by kathmlm on Jun 9, 2010 17:32:24 GMT -5
Hi Shell,
Sorry I'm so late to post but I'm staying optimistic for you. You have a good attitude and have been hanging in there. I hope it turns out well. Please keep us updated.
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Post by shell on Jun 10, 2010 2:01:49 GMT -5
Thank you ladies for your replies. Well I managed to have a good nights sleep which was well needed after yesturday. I am pretty much sure its a b/o and that they are just giving me a little hope to cling onto. Well I will call them just now and hear what is going on. At least DH is taking the day off tomorrow to come with me so at least he can look after Micayla and I can concerntrate on what is actually going on. WIll keep you updated xxxx
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Jun 10, 2010 13:01:44 GMT -5
I know words aren't enough but I am so sorry you are going through this. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. (((HUGS)))
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Post by lfischer on Jun 11, 2010 8:41:49 GMT -5
{{{Shell}}}
I'm so sorry for this roller coaster that you are on. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs and love~ Leah
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Post by shell on Jun 12, 2010 3:11:47 GMT -5
Thanks ladies, I went for my 2nd lots of bloods yesturday.... I was hoping to get the results back but they had already gone home so I will only get them on Monday..... my first set of bloods came back as prog (38-5) and HCG (5788) which would put me inline with around 5-6 weeks I think. I came down with full blown tonsillitis yesturday and im on antibiotics.... im practically bed ridden, cant eat, cant swallow and cant talk. I also seem to have lost my pg symptoms.... boobs are no longer sore so I seem to have an idea of were all this is going. Its just horrible waiting. I was told that I must still go back to the dr on Monday so whatever the result is im sure they will scan me again and then sort out a d&c.
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Jun 12, 2010 11:11:50 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are sick on top of everything else. I am sending all the good vibes I can your way. Take care of yourself and hopefully you will feel better soon. Keep us posted. (((HUGS)))
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Post by carmenivy on Jun 12, 2010 13:24:16 GMT -5
Sorry you are feeling so bad on top of all the other stress.
(((hugs)))
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Post by kurby68 on Jun 13, 2010 11:51:51 GMT -5
(((Shell))) So sorry of the uncertainty when you should be celebrating. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Post by shell on Jun 14, 2010 3:33:21 GMT -5
Hi ladies, well yes its almost all over. On Sunday I started cramping and spotting..... I am doing ok now as its almost over. This may sound strange but Im ok with it this time. I am very proud of myself for being able to be strong this time. Over the past 2 years of trying again I had alot of time to actually think about the 'what if's' and knew that the last 3 times I was devastated. When I got that positive I told myself....ok pregnancy at this time means.... eat well, wear bigger clothes at that was it (its sad but true).... I told myself that at my first scan would be my actual 'pregnancy test'. It did make it easier and at times I actually forgot that I was pregnant. At my scan I went in with a negative attitude telling myself 'b/o'. When they told me a b/o I actually handled it ok.... I was surprised as I really thought I would still end up being devasted like the last times..... but it had actually worked.... I was able to cope. The part that made it hard was they gave me a little bit of hope saying you might just have ovulated late... and lets do blood works. I tried not to think that there was a possibility..... so when the spotting started on the weekend I was pepared for it. It is so sad that this is how I have had to focus my mind as pregnancy should be so exciting and something you want to share with the world. I think the other thing that made it easier was that I have such a beautiful daughter. God gave me the one and only gift I wanted in my life ..... a child. Being able to have a second will be a blessing but I have something already that I prayed for over and over.... just asking God to make me a mom. I will still keep on trying... thats all I can do. Thank you ladies for being so kind and thinking of me through this. Im hoping to start trying again as soon as I can as im 41 and that clock is still ticking. Take care xxx
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Post by justinsmomma on Jun 14, 2010 5:41:54 GMT -5
Shell, I am so sorry Hang in there and God bless!! HUGS Kris
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Post by lfischer on Jun 14, 2010 14:30:06 GMT -5
{{{Shell}}}
Many hugs and prayers~
Leah
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Post by Lauren on Jun 14, 2010 17:11:52 GMT -5
Dear Shell, I am so proud of the way you have handled this last loss. It is really hard to do, but I think it sounds like you are really trying not to let it take you over. I know for me I decided after my last loss that I would try one more time, I too am 40, and if I got pregnant and it works out, then great, and if I had another loss, then it would be my last and I will adopt a second child. It has helped me to know this time that this is my last pregnancy. I still do not know that it will work out, but am trying to just take it one day at a time and not think about it all the time. It is hard, but I am trying. I hope that you are able to get back to trying soon, and have good luck soon. Thinking of you, Lauren
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Post by mzr on Jun 16, 2010 2:39:46 GMT -5
Oh shell- I am so sorry that I haven't responded sooner. I have been away from the board for a few weeks. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You do have an amazing attitude and I hope and pray that you will find yourself holding another precious little one in your arms soon.
I just wanted to give you an extra big hug. With my chemical pg in April, I really felt ok about it after it happened. But then had an onslaught of emotion when AF showed up in May and then again in June. Remember that our feelings can change with each day, each minute. It's normal. As Lauren said, try to take it one day at a time. And in those saddest of moments, hold on extra tight to Micayla.
I wish you all the best, shell. And I hope that you know we are always here for you if you need us! Love, Marisa
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Post by shell on Jun 16, 2010 12:45:47 GMT -5
Hi there ladies, thank you so much for all the caring words... they really help me alot. I have been very lucky that I have not had that much pain... Monday was the worst but today im painless so that is a good sign. I agree with what you say about the following months every time af shows you get emotional.... I know I will aswell.... its more like 'frustration that its taking so long to try again', I tried for 2 years and 2 months after moving into a new house I fell pg ... I was very stressed at the old house to I think that had alot to do with it taking so long. I am keeping myself VERY relaxed and trying to keep fit and keep my body healthy. Im going to start the baby aspirin once everything is over and hopefully it will work like it worked with Micayla. Only time will tell. Thanks again ladies, know that I am doing fine.. just very busy having to make Micayla a scarecrow for school...... its not as easy as it sounds.
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Post by daffylexer on Jun 16, 2010 12:55:34 GMT -5
{{{shell}}} I'm so sorry for you loss. I'm amazed at how strong you are. I know for my second I was stronger than for my first, but it was still hard. And when AF showed I was a mess. Last July when AF showed I cried the whole way from daycare to work (45 min drive). I started to wonder (again!) if I would have another baby, but then it turned out that was my last AF and got my BFP just one month later. I'll keep you in my prayers that your healing goes smoothly and your next BFP comes quickly.
Big hugs! Alexa
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Post by shell on Jun 30, 2010 16:04:45 GMT -5
Thanks Alexa for letting me know there still is hope.... I try stay positive as thats all I can do.... I dont have much time left so its no use giving up just yet.... Well I went back to the gynie a week after I m/c'd and a urine test still showed a faint line so they said to wait a week and have blood tests to see if the levels drop back down.... I went for those blood tests on Monday... phoned for the results today but they were not back yet. Eager to start again.. but this time Im gonna take the gynie's advice and thats to use the baby aspirin. Even though its not really proven to actually help... I used it when I concieved with Micayla... so maybe I will be lucky and have a viable pregnancy this next time. OH the wait.... it took me 2 years just to get pregnant this time.... I hope its not gonna take another 2.....
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Post by mzr on Jul 1, 2010 2:11:13 GMT -5
Oh shell- I hope baby aspirin does the trick! I've been trying for 9 mnths now with a chemical pg in April. I know it's not 2 years but I do feel some of your pain. I am hoping and praying for another miracle for you!!
Big hugs, Marisa
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Post by shell on Jul 1, 2010 15:02:22 GMT -5
Thanks Marisa, I know what you saying... but it doesnt matter if its 2 years or 2 months.... we all have been through the same sort of thing and its such an emotional rollercoaster ride.... coming onto this site is what gives hope and having a place to voice whats on our minds without being judged is alot more comfort than people will ever know. xxx
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