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Post by youngman on Mar 8, 2010 10:33:40 GMT -5
Hello, everyone, i don't no if this the usual practice for a man to come on these sort of websites but it would be great if i could talk to some people who have experience what my wife has been through. We have just experience our third miscarriage and it has really taken its toll on us. I managed to cope very well with the first two miscarriage's and had a very positive outlook but i have hit rock bottom with it happening a third time. My wife and i are both only 24 but are desperate for a family. My wife was really affected in the 1st and 2nd miscarriage and had struggled with depression and coming to terms with whats has happen but id like to think i have been a rock for her and we got married 6 months ago. We have just experience our 3rd consecutive miscarriage and i don't no what to do or say, i feel like a piece of my heart has been ripped out so i cant image how my wife is feeling!!! i don't no how i am going to stay strong for her this time and just really need some advice from people who are or have been in a similar position. Sorry for the poor grammar and spelling. Please Please Please help me from this point it is a very dark day in my life thanks x
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Post by EGeddes (Eryn) on Mar 8, 2010 11:54:06 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss, and I am sorry you had to find this site. There are so many women on this site who have been through what you and your wife are going through right now. I Misscarried November 2008 with our first child and now I have a healthy baby boy that was born here just this past November. What you and your wife are going through is so very difficult and we all have been there. You will be strong together, and you both need to mourn the losses of your children. You do however need to ensure that you are taking care of yourselves as well. Your wife is going to feel that there is something wrong with her and that these misscarriages are her fault or that she did something to make them happen, that is not the case. You two need to go into your doctor and have them do some testing to see what has caused her to miscarry. It could be something as simple as a low progesterone level, which was my problem. It doesn't make it any easier as you will always think about your lost babies. Healing is the first step and to heal, you need to get answers from a medical professional. That will hopefully bring your some closure and help you in the healing process. Then you can concentrate on having the healthy child you and your wife long for. There are so many women on this board who have had multiple misscarriages and went on to have healthy pregnancies so you will have a baby I am sure of it so hold on to that hope and just hold your wife and tell her you love her and that you will both get through this hard time together because you are stronger because you have eachother. God will bless you with a child I am sure of it! (((((HUGS))))) Eryn
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Post by youngman on Mar 8, 2010 12:52:06 GMT -5
Eryn, thank you very much for taking the time out to reply to my post, my wife has been referred for tests which will take place in approx 6 weeks time so hopefully we can gain some knowledge to many unanswered questions. We will be strong together and i am positive our love will pull us through this. I appricate that many women go through this situation and continue with there lifes to have healthy pregancies, and that thought itself keeps us strong. Part of my healing process is ensure that i do everything physically possible to help my wife through these dark days and although i know how i feel about the situation, i just needed a female who has experience a similar thing to give me an insight into what is running through my wifes mind and how best to deal with the pain she is suffering. i know we have been through this before but i need to make sure i give her the best support possible right now. thanking you again and also congratulations on the birth of your child, i hope u and your new family are truely happy.
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Post by EGeddes (Eryn) on Mar 8, 2010 15:24:31 GMT -5
I am glad I could help. You wife will have so much running through her mind, but her biggest question of all will be WHY! And why Me? Unfortunatley you will never really know Why! And that is the hardest pill of all to swallow. You just need to reassure her that you love her! There is nothing she could have done to prevent what has happened and there is nothing wrong with her and tell her she is beautiful everyday! You two will get through this and I am glad that she is getting some tests done, you may need testing too because issues don't always just fall with the woman! You and your wife right now need lots of love and support, and I hope that you have that with your families. If not, you have eachother and that is on it's own great! (((((HUGS))))) Eryn
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Post by daffylexer on Mar 8, 2010 16:30:32 GMT -5
First of all, I'm so sorry for your losses, but I think you coming to this site to find help so you can help your wife is a very loving, touching thing to do. That alone tells me what a good person you are. There have been a few other husbands who have posted, and it seems to me that the common reason is not knowing what to say to their wives. Eryn has given you great insight into what you're wife is probably feeling. I've had two losses, and with both I felt massive guilt, like I did something wrong. I came to terms that I didn't do anything wrong with my first loss (b/o), went onto have my first son, but then lost my 3rd pg 3 days after seeing his/her heartbeat. I felt very guilty and very alone after that loss. In some respects, the second was harder than the first. It took a long time to get over my guilt and realize there was nothing I could do to save my 3rd pg. What I did tell myself over and over again was that a year can make all the difference. I lost pg 1 in April 07. In April 08 I was just a few weeks away from delivering my first son. April 09 I lost my 3rd baby, and here we are almost a year later and I'm due to deliver my second son April 12. I know the days are dark now, but you'll both get through it. In the mean time, open up to her about how you feel about it (I know it's harder for guys to do that, but it will be a comfort to her) and listen to her when she needs to talk. My husband had a hard time with both my losses and shut himself out, which made it harder on me. I think it would have been easier on both of us if he had just opened up a bit.
I'm so glad to hear you're going for testing. I have a co-worker who had several losses and through testing found out it was due to low progesterone. She now has 2 healthy and very active daughters. Whatever the test results show, it's the first step in making your dream of having a family come true.
Hugs, Alexa
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Post by Lauren on Mar 8, 2010 17:50:47 GMT -5
First, let me say how sorry I am to hear of your 3 losses. I know that the first loss is devastating and shocking, but when it starts happening over and over again, then you start to lose faith that you will ever have a baby. I am sure your wife is angry, sad, and definitely depressed. There is a huge emotional and hormonal component to the process of healing after a miscarriage, and to have been pregnant three times and had losses one after the next, is really taking a toll on your wife, and on you, I am sure. My husband was like you, and seemed to roll with our first couple of losses, and really hit a depression after our last loss. I am curious to hear more about what each loss was like, and then I am happy to share my experience with testing. We have found many issues: I have low progesterone and elevated natural killer cells, which attack pregnancies like they are a cancer, and my husband has both low testosterone which he takes clomid for and had varicoceles surgery on his testicles to improve his sperm quality (I know...scary!). Please feel free to ask me about any tests.... I have had them all!
GOod luck and take time and do not push your wife to do anything she does not feel up to. She probably just wants to hibernate for a while! And you too! Thinking of you, Lauren
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jlbbeam
New Member
Jesus said, "Don't let your hearts be troubled, trust in God, and trust in me" John 14:1
Posts: 8
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Post by jlbbeam on Mar 22, 2010 8:13:42 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your losses. I am new to this site as well, and I honestly tell you, you can't find better women to talk to. I just had my 1st B/O. Found out something was wrong on the 2nd of march and tryed to medically induce my m/c but ended up having to have a D&E. Now I must wait, before i ttc which seems like forever, but I have found much strength in GOD and these GOD send ladies. I will deff be praying for you and your wife, and I hope that the test she goes through anwsers the question she and you have, and that they can give you anwsers, and that you go on to get pregnant very soon and have a beautilful healthy little baby, and I feel sure you will. It amazing what doctor can do. Don't loose hope or faith, because it will happen. God Bless you and your wife.
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Post by justinsmomma on Mar 22, 2010 12:15:27 GMT -5
Hi there, welcome to our support group. I am incredibly sorry for your losses I too have had 3 miscarriages, but in between them I have been blessed with two beautiful children. I am glad your wife is getting tested. My miscarriages were a result of borderline and then full blown hypothyroidism (my 1st loss) and an inherited thrombosis (2nd and 3rd loss) as well as low progesterone. I went through all the testing, and if you guys need support or have questions, please do not hesitate to ask. Only time and the realization of the dream of becoming a parent can really heal the wounds. You guys will surely become parents, and all of this will seem like a bad dream. Right now, just hold your wife and let her know you love her and will always be there for her. It's definitely great to have a supportive spouse, during these sad (and oftentimes lonely) times after a loss. Hang in there and God bless, Kris
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