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Post by lea2912 on Feb 24, 2010 12:08:16 GMT -5
Hey, Im not sure what to write or how to put how i feel into words... but ill give it a go
We found out i was pregnant the day after we got back from our honeymoon in Nov 09. We were both so excited, we had been trying since Aug for our first baby. Everything seemed to be going fine until i went in for a u/s at 10 weeks. We weret told that i had a 6 week sac but they couldnt see anything else. We were sent away and told to come back in a week. That was the longest week of our life and just so happened to be xmas week, a time when we shud of been so happy. We went back for another u/s to be told that nothing had changed we had a blighted ovum. The following evening i miscarried at home naturally and it was the worse experienc of my life. I was in so much pain and was losing so much blood my DH took me in to hospital on new years day. We were both devestated, why is life so unfair??
We are now ttc again and are keeping everything crossed for this month- now i have just learnt that my sister in law is now 8 weeks preganant with her second child and it has just destroyed me. Of course i am so happy for her but at the same time i am so upset for me. I cnt talk to her or see her at the moment coz it just hurts too much. I want to scream its not fair that she has 2 babys and i dnt have any...I cant face the thought of having to see her get bigger and eventually have her baby. Am i a completley horrible person? I feel so guilty for feeling this way but i just cant help it.? Has anyone else been through this? how did you cope??
xxxxxxx
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Post by carmenivy on Feb 24, 2010 13:58:18 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss. No, you are not a horrible person for feeling the way you do about your SIL's pregnancy. One of my close friends announced that she was eight weeks pregnant right after my first loss, too. It was hard to watch her grow bigger, and I admit I avoided her sometimes. But any decent person would understand. Miscarriages are an awful thing, and awful feelings are going to come with it. And I know you feel totally awful right now, but eventually you will start to feel better. You will not forget about the little one you lost, but you will find a way to put the pain away and live your life.
Right now, do what ever you can to make yourself feel better. Treat yourself to a bubble bath and a glass of wine, or shopping and a movie with a non-pregnant friend. Just be good to yourself right now, and cry if you need to. It's hard, we've all been there. I had both of my miscarriages at ten weeks - that's a long time to become attached to your baby. I found out about my BO three days after my wedding, but our honeymoon was already planned so we went anyway a couple of days after my d and c. It sure puts a damper on the newlywed bliss, as I'm sure you know. But you and your husband will get through this, and while you can expect some sadness and maybe anger between the two of you, it will bring you closer.
I am also TTC. It can be frustrating, but don't give up. It took me six months to conceive my son after my blighted ovum. Each month that I didn't get pregnant just about killed me. But that's what this group is great for - encouragement on your worst days. I hope we can help you feel better.
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Emily
Junior Member
Posts: 81
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Post by Emily on Feb 24, 2010 14:10:48 GMT -5
I too have been where you are. I had a d&C about 34 days ago. My sister is expecting the same time I would have had my baby. It hurts, and it hurts really bad. Over the last couple weeks, I have learned to take some me time, and also writing in my journal about my feelings. Some are happy, some are sad and some are angery. All normal feelings associated with grief. Give yourself some time to greive, and also make sure you do something nice for yourself.
It isn't easy, and TTC again is scarry and frustrating at times. Have faith that all will be well, and eventually you won't hurt as much.
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Post by optimisticmom on Feb 24, 2010 17:39:46 GMT -5
I was in a very similar situation as you. My 10 week u/s was the same exact story. Nothing like a shock to your system when you are expecting to see your baby and there is only an empty sac. I had a d&c though a few days later.
All your feelings are normal. Things will get easier, but a part of you will always be missing because of your lost baby. I have had two losses, and I am constantly hearing about people being pregnant and healthy babies and it is so unfair! My cousin's baby is a month younger then what my "son" would have been. And she is constantly giving me updates about what he has done. I am truly happy for her, but I still get very emotional thinking about what could have been.
After my BO, I was devastated and cried a lot. I was depressed and withdrawn. I was not me. My son was 3 at the time, and it was so horrible trying to play with him. I remember thinking, stop acting this way and be a mother to my son. Even though my DH was grieving, he was so concerned about me and how I changed. I know I am still not 100% right, and I honestly do not think I will ever be. It does not matter if I have 5 more children. It gets easier, but it still hurts. After my MC, I decided I could not deal with the grief anymore and I started to see a psychologist. She helped me because I was able to speak freely without being judged. I have stopped seeing her in December because I feel I am not depressed anymore or as angry.
Just hang in there. Things will get better. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Dana
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Post by daffylexer on Feb 25, 2010 13:39:00 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss. We've all been where you are and are very familiar with how you are feeling. You're not a horrible person for the way you feel. Losing a baby is the hardest thing you'll have to face, especially when it's your first baby. For months after my first loss I couldn't look at pg women; it would just make me incredibly angry. But over time the anger eased, especially after my husband pointed out that I didn't know what those women had gone through the get pg. For all you know, your SIL may have had problems getting pg and not told anyone. That was the case with me while trying to get pg with my first son. We tried for 17 months, then I m/c. My in-laws never knew we were trying, nor that I had lost a baby until I was pg with my first son. It hurt too much to talk about, and even now I regret telling them. I think the best thing for you to do right now is stay away from your SIL as much as possible and let yourself heal. And remember to tell yourself that a year can make all the difference. Mother's Day '07 my in-laws had a bbq that I refused to go to becuase I was still grieving and couldn't face being around my SIL and her 3 kids. Mother's Day '08 I went into labor with my first son. April 09 I m/c for the second time; April '10 I'll deliver my second son. Most of all, remember we're for you when you need a shoulder to lean on.
Big hugs, Alexa
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Post by justinsmomma on Feb 25, 2010 18:50:29 GMT -5
Hi there, just wanted to say hello and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. We definitely have all been where you are, with our hearts broken, and arms empty and it feels like your whole world has been torn apart Most of us have had the unfortunate experience of having a loved one fall pregnant right after, as well. My sister told me she was PG with her 4th when I lost my first baby. That news really devastated me, and felt like a knife through the heart. Also, it is OK to be jealous/hurt/angry. It's all part of the grieving process. My advice is to pamper yourself, and allow yourself to cry and go through all the emotions. Also if your spouse is supportive, let him know how you are feeling, and take the time to listen to how he is feeling. I know it is hard because we are the ones that truly experience the loss, but this experience can bring you two closer, as well. Anyway, we are here to lean on, and we all know what you are going through. Praying for you during this sad time! HUGS Kris
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Post by mzr on Feb 26, 2010 8:22:12 GMT -5
I also just want to say how sorry I am for you loss. It is such a devastating experience for any woman to go through. And for you to have to experience it when you should be celebrating in newleywed bliss, that sounds exceptionally hard. And you are totally right, it is UNFAIR!! It stinks! Why you? You do not deserve this! No woman does. And it does make it so much harder when the whole world seems to be pg and you aren't. Especially when it is someone as close to you as your SIL. One of my best college friends told me she was pg two days after my D&C. Three weeks later, we found out she was having twins. I cried for days. You are not a horrible person because, as you said, you are genuinely happy for her. You are just grieving your own loss. It is possible to be happy for someone else and sad for yourself at the same time. As the other ladies said, the important thing for you is to take care of yourself and to honor all your feelings. Whether you are happy, sad, jealous, angry, anxious, whatever you are feeling, that is all NORMAL. You will get through this and I hope that you will be holding your own precious little one in your arms some day soon. In the meantime, we are here with virtual shoulders to lean on. The women on this site are fantastic and we all know what you are going through. You are not alone.
Big hugs to you and congratulations on your wedding! Marisa
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Post by lfischer on Feb 26, 2010 16:38:44 GMT -5
I am so for your loss. Everything that you are feeling is very normal and we can all relate in some way.
Please that that we are here to listen and help whenever you need us.
Hugs~ Leah
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Post by jaimec on Mar 4, 2010 17:13:53 GMT -5
I am so sorry that you had to find us! Thinking of you and have to say that what you are feeling is completely normal. It is awful to MC and then find out someone else is expecting. It is so normal to feel angry, sad and almost insane with jealousy. Been there done that. It gets easier tho i promise. Look after yourself and hang on in there. Lean on us, we have strong shoulders 24 hrs a day. xx
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