Emily
Junior Member
Posts: 81
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Post by Emily on Feb 1, 2010 10:27:21 GMT -5
Last night in my efforts to know if what I am feeling is normal, I found you. I found out that I had a b/o on January 22. and I think I am still in shock that I lost my baby. I find myself finding things to do to keep my mind busy because I don't want to deal with the reality of what has happened. I hate crying and I just don't want to deal with anything. I want to just move on and try again, pretending that nothing happened, and that I was never pregnant. For a while I kept telling myself that there wasn't even a baby there, but then I started to realize that yes there was at some point.
How do you move on? I have to return to work next week and I don't know if I can do it. I will have been off work for 2 weeks, and the thought of returning to an office full of insensitive men doesn't excite me.
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Post by rita828 on Feb 1, 2010 11:54:06 GMT -5
Eleonard,
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know it's tough but they will get easier. I remember all to well the pain I felt upon hearing the news. I was angry at every pregnant woman I saw. I found that my coworkers tried to be understanding but sometimes I, too, just wanted people to stop talking about it.
Over time you will learn to deal with this in your own way. I wanted everyone that knew about the pregnancy to know about the m/c right away b/c I just wanted to get that part over with. My DH and I did a balloon ceremony with my stepdaughter to honor our lost baby. My stepdaughter was almost 9 at the time and was very confused. We each wrote our feelings down on a piece of paper along with a note for our lost baby. We then attached the papers to a balloon that said "we'll miss you." Before releasing the balloon we each read our note. We did it primarily for my stepdaughter but I have to tell you that it was healing for dh and myself as well.
I've also found that giving advice to other women on this site who have just been diagnosed with a BO as well as friends helps me as well. I first thought, "why did God do this to me? Why did He take my baby?" But, since then I've had numerous friends and family members go through m/c and realized that I was better prepared to help them b/c I had the same experience. Makes me feel like God knew these people would need my help.
I've since had two little girls but can tell you there's rarely a day I don't think about our little baby Taylor (the one we lost).
Hang in there and drop me a pm if you have any questions or just need to talk.
Anita
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Post by lfischer on Feb 1, 2010 14:44:08 GMT -5
{{{Eleonard}}}
I am so very sorry for your loss. The heartache does get easier over time. However, there will always be a part of me that is forever changed because of my loss.
After my loss, I found that I was typically fine at work. However, once at home, the tears would flow freely. I found it difficult to move on and I was very angry at any pregnant woman I saw and I was angry at God for letting this happen. By doing lots of talking and leaning on the women from this site, I was able to work through most of those feelings in time. I should also say that hormones play a large part in the feelings that you are having now, too. The hormonal roller coaster is a tough one and once the begin to level off, things do get better.
Please know that it is ok to take time to grieve and that your feelings are normal. I don't think anyone should expect you to feel any differently. Take time to pamper yourself and to take care of you - physically and emotionally.
You have found a wonderful group of supportive women. We are here for you every step of the way.
Hugs and tight hand holding~ Leah
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Post by kathmlm on Feb 1, 2010 15:04:05 GMT -5
Hello,
I am very sorry for your loss, but glad you found this site. Everything you are feeling at this time is normal. Please be easy on yourself and allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, etc. The other ladies are right in that it will get better. But for now I think letting our your feelings is the best thing you can do. I hope your return to work inext week is OK, men (and even some women) can be very insensitive.
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Post by mallory on Feb 1, 2010 19:11:55 GMT -5
Eleonard,
You and I are in the same boat, as I just found out about my b/o miscarriage as well. Let me tell you: this message board is a gift from Heaven. The ladies here are absolutely amazing and the advice is superb. You'll not find another group as wonderfully supportive.
Don't be shocked if you are fine one minute and off on an hour long crying jag the next. I'm in that stage at this point. That's perfectly natural. My foster mom has also given me great advice, which you'll hear here as well: allow yourself to grieve. Don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise or when you should stop crying. Also, if you are angry, then by golly allow that as well. I've got three dear friends and a cousin who are pregnant. Do I feel angry and resentful? Yes. Absolutely. Does that make me a bad person? No. And that does not make you a bad person either.
What has helped me a lot is writing in a journal (reassuring the baby we really wanted him/her) and making an angel necklace with pink and blue beads. A dear friend of mine gave me a silver charm bracelet with baby charms and a praying angel.
Please let us know how you are doing. You're in my thoughts.
Best: Mallory
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Emily
Junior Member
Posts: 81
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Post by Emily on Feb 1, 2010 19:37:26 GMT -5
Thank you all so much. I sometimes have a hard time allowing myself to be sad. I think it makes my DH uncomfortable, because he just doesn't know what to do. Sunday I went to church and didn't go to one of the classes because the teacher is preg. and due the same time I was due. I just didn't feel like dealing with it emotionally.
I am also trying to be happy for my sister who is due 15 days after I was. It is hard to listen to her complain about how sick she is, or how tiered she is. I would do anything to be sick and tiered. Well the tiered part I am. When does that get better?
I too have a journal that I have been writing in. And it has helped to get some of my thoughts out. I so badly want to be positive, but right now I just can't. I found a ring that has the word "Faith" engraved on it. I thought that if I would see it everyday, then I could be reminded to have faith and that everything would be okay.
I try so hard to have patients with my 2 other children (M is 6 and C is 4 tomorrow) both boys and extremely active. I don't want to yell at them but everything they do seems to set me off. I think I'm going to send my youngest to daycare the next 3 days during school hours, so that I can have some ME time.
Thanks so much for letting me just vent.
Emily
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Feb 1, 2010 21:01:56 GMT -5
Me time sounds like a good plan. I only had one son when I had my BO but when he was at school was the time I spent on what I needed. Some days that was a nice long bath and others I just slept or watched TV. I also went for alot of walks. It will get better eventually but we never forget our lost little ones.
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Emily
Junior Member
Posts: 81
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Post by Emily on Feb 2, 2010 12:30:57 GMT -5
I thought I would feel a bit guilty sending my youngest to the sitters on his birthday. I am actually enjoying the peace and quite. It has given me a chance to work on my lesson for class today. (This is the job I actually enjoy). I am avoiding my full time job.
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Post by lfischer on Feb 2, 2010 12:37:16 GMT -5
Emily~
I'm so glad that you are taking some time for yourself. Enjoy your day!
Leah
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Post by daffylexer on Feb 2, 2010 13:24:24 GMT -5
{{{Emily}}} I'm so sorry for your loss. The ladies here have already given great advise so I won't repeat what they've already said. Taking time out for yourself today was an excellent idea. When I had my first loss the ladies here told me to pamper myself. I thought the idea was crazy, but did it anyway becuase I had nothing to loose. It turned out to be one of the best things I could have done. I felt a glimmer of happieness for the first time in weeks. It was fleeting, but was wonderful while it lasted. Eventually, those moments of happieness increase while my sadness decreased. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will happen for you too. You just have to give yourself the time for it to happen.
Big hugs, Alexa
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