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Post by imdesired on Sept 18, 2007 15:17:20 GMT -5
I found out yesterday that I have a B/O. My Dr gave me the typical options of wait and mc, medical m/c (cytotec), or D&C. I'm absolutely terrified of a D&C. I've never been put under in my life, and I'm just so scared. At the time I was so numb and shocked, I chose the cytotec route, she wrote me a RX and some pain meds, and I told her I'd do it this weekend. Now after reading a lot of things, I think the D&C sounds better, but quite honestly, I can't even imagine having one. I just can't fathom having surgery. I'm so scared! I don't know waht to freaking do. I wish NONE of this was happening to me. I don't want to deal with any of it. honestly I wish I'd M/C at home, and be on my own and be done with it, but who knows how long that could take. So, after researching all night, and thinking, I think the D&C sounds better than the cytotec. I mean, has anyone done the cytotec? I don't want to be in horrid pain, but I do have 2 children. I can handle some pain, plus she gave me pain meds. I think more than anything I'm scared to bleed to death, or something. It's just all the unknown that is terrifying me. HELP! Anyone? I don't know what to do. I don't even want to get my blood draws because my prenatal labs are still on there, and I don't want to do that either. I swear, I just want to crawl in a hole, wake up and have this all done with. WHY! ugh. Sorry for venting so much, I'm just so lost. This is my first impending M/C, my first B/O, and I'm terrified of what a M/C is going to feel like. I'm PETRIFIED to go under and have surgery. I'm a big wimp. Any words of wisdom from you fine ladies? Thank you for reading if you got this far, I really appreciate it. ~L
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Post by lfischer on Sept 18, 2007 15:31:26 GMT -5
((((L))))
I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. I wish that I had a magic wand to take all of the pain, confusion, and anxiety away for you.
I so remember having the feelings that you are. Whatever you choose to do is a very personal choice and one that you need to be comfortable with. I chose to have a D&C with my BO. I was diagnosed with a BO on a Wed. morning and had confirming blood work on that Friday morning. I went in for my D&C as soon as the blood results confirmed the BO. The D&C was physically very easy. The nurses were very caring and compassionate. I had any IV and the put the medication in the IV to put me to sleep. The procedure itself does not take very long and I was talking to the nurses on the way out of the operating room. I stayed in the hospital for a couple of hours recovering and then went home. I spent the rest of the evening sleeping and resting. The next day I was able to go to my daughters volleyball tournament, but I was still tired and came home and rested. I had some mild cramping and spotting for a couple of days, but it was very manageable. For me, this was the best option. I need to have physical closure and begin the emotional healing. I also have to older children and I did not wish to m/c at home with them. I did not want them to be afraid.
The hardest part was the emotional roller coaster and the hormonal drop after the m/c. It takes 2-4 weeks for the hormones to level out and the emotions to ease a little. It does all get better with time.
Please know that whatever you choose to do, we are all here for you.
I hope that this answers some questions and is maybe a little help.
Many tight hugs and lots of hand holding~
Leah
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Post by jaxiesmom on Sept 18, 2007 15:52:10 GMT -5
Dear L,
I am extremely sorry that you are having to endure this roller coaster or pain & emotion. No one can tell you what is best for you but I can tell you my experience with M/C & D&C. I had a b/o that I m/c naturally VERY early(5wks) & it was heavier & more painful than a normal period. I took some pain medications the day it happened & then motrin after that. This past February I was 11 weeks when they discovered that my baby had stopped developing at 8.5 wks. I was given the option of taking a pill at home & m/c naturally or a D&C. After speaking with several friends I opted for a D&C. One reason is that there is a 20% chance of having a D&C anyways even if you try to m/c naturally. I personally thought it would be harder on me to m/c at home because I was so far along. I will say that my D&C was virtually painless & I was in & out of the hospital in a matter of a few hours. I did stay in bed for several days but like I've told several other ladies I feel that was more due to emotional pain than physical.
I know it is a tough decision & I am sure you will get lots of good advice. Just know that what ever you decide is the best decision for you! You have come to a great site for support & answers & I hope you will utilize it because we are all here for you.
I wish you a speedy recovery both physically & emotionally (((hugs))) angi
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narnee
Senior Member
Posts: 456
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Post by narnee on Sept 18, 2007 17:53:40 GMT -5
L -
i know how you feel. i have had 3 pregnancy losses, AND 3 D&Cs.
this last time (BO in june) i tried to go the natural route for weeks and weeks, unsuccessfully, and looking back i wish i had just gone ahead with the D&C.
i, like you, do NOT like going under, but i will tell you that the anesthesiologist told me (the 2nd time i had a D&C and was freaking out about it - - and why, since the first one i had had gone perfectly fine - - i guess it was just a feeling i had)... he told me "oh, don't worry, this is what we (anesthesiologists) call pseudo-surgery". i asked him what he meant by that, and he then explained the difference between the types of anesthesia they use in D&C's and "real" surgeries... not trying to minimize the "surgery" experience mentally, but i do believe that it is a relatively quick and easy (medically speaking) procedure, and considered quite safe. it is not a procedure where they put the tube down your throat and all of that (i have had THAT too, with lapriscopic for an etopic, and THAT was much more difficult - - worlds different w/regards to the "surgery part"), comparing the 2, surgically speaking.
if i am faced with a 4th (subsequent) failed pregnancies and need to make a choice, i expect i will go with another D&C.
each time i had a D&C i was in and out of the hospital in a few hours (the before-surgery anxiety, for me was MUCH worse that the procedure or the post-op or recovery at home). i had very little bleeding each time and never had pain = no pain meds needed. i did stay still for a day afterwards, and moved very slowly for about a week, which has been a good call -- never any complications afterwards.
i'm sorry you are experiencing this. i hope some of this info is an encouragement to you as you face the possibility of going with the D&C route, so you aren't so scared. although, i can relate to the scared. as i said, the anxiety before the procedure was SO much worse for me than all the rest of it... although the emotional healing afterwards is always TOUGH!
all of these women are great! i am sure you will have more posts with more info, encouragement and compassion.
- susan (narnee)
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Post by daffylexer on Sept 18, 2007 18:03:01 GMT -5
L, I'm so very sorry for your loss. We all understand what you're feeling right now, and my heart goes out to you. As for what you should do, well, as angi and Leah have said, it's a personal decision. I chose to m/c naturally. I was about 9 weeks when it happened and it was not a fun experience. I chose to go naturally for several reasons, one being that I just didn't want the D/C. I can't explain why; I just didn't. I think it's becuase it would have happened sooner than what my mind was ready for. Some women have a very easy time of it; I was not one of the lucky ones and was in a great deal of pain during my contractions. Although I don't regert my decision, I know that if I had small children at home I could not have done it. If I ever have another b/o and already have kids, I would opt for the D/C. In the end though, only you can make that choice. I will say that from the experiences I've read here about it, it sounds very easy. I've been knocked out before, and it's like having a very deep sleeep, and for a D/C they only knock you out for a few minutes. It's understandable that you're scared. Everything about a b/o is scarey, but you might find that your thoughts of the D/C are worse than the actual D/C.
Many hugs and prayers to you.
Alexa
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Post by emadagan on Sept 18, 2007 22:25:26 GMT -5
Hi L, I too am so sorry for you. It is a nightmare to have to go through this, but you are not alone. I chose to m/c naturally. I was 10.5 weeks when I started spotting. And had an u/s that showed bo. I bled lightly for about 10 days, had lots of mild cramping but no pain (TMI) lots of diarhea. And then 2 weeks later I had another u/s which showed the bo sac and all was mostly gone. At that point I was no longer bleeding and I had my hcg levels checked for the next 4 weeks until they went back to 0. I did pass a bit of something more w/ my first AF, the first AF was heavier and longer than normal. I have 5 children at home w/ me full time (I homeschool) and my oldest is 10. He was very helpful to me during the m/c. I just felt I needed to do it naturally--to know I really was pg, this really was a child. The waiting was tough, but I am glad I did it the way I did. I hope that this is over for you soon.
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Post by Melluna on Sept 19, 2007 1:47:27 GMT -5
Well, I was almost exactly in your situation this past few weeks. (Except for not having the cytotec option.) At first I thought I am definitely not having a D&C. Then I thought I definitely would. Then I kept going back and forth for a month. Finally my doctor put me out of my misery--he said that at this point it looked like having a natural m/c would cause excessive bleeding, and I should have a D&C as soon as possible--so I did yesterday.
I'm glad that I waited, but a month was a little too long. The whole time I felt on edge, without closure, and worried about when/where the mc would happen, etc. I wish that someone had told be to wait and week or two and then schedule a D&C.
So, I know it's a very individual decision and we seem to avoid giving advice on this board, for that good reason. But, in hindsight, that is the advice I wished I had gotten.
To be honest, I don't know what I was thinking to want to m/c alone--that really hit me when I was at the hospital after the d&c and I had A LOT of bleeding when I went to the bathroom. It wasn't so bad to see all that blood at the hospital, but at home it would have been devastating and frightening. I haven't bled much since, maybe because I've been on Methergine, which slows down the bleeding.
And if you do opt to have a D&C be sure to check out the topic I posted last week, about Experience with D&C's. I had asked for practical advice for approaching the procedure, and the responses were very helpful and reassuring.
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Post by mzr on Sept 19, 2007 12:22:12 GMT -5
L- I am so sorry you are going through this. I think this is one of the hardest decisions any woman has to make and there is no wrong choice. I chose to have the D&C because, like some of the women said, the thought of waiting to miscarry was just too much for me. I'm a control freak and I needed some control over my pregnancy loss. I guess, I felt that deciding when the pregnancy was officially going to end was the only control I could have. Certainly can't control the feelings of grief before, during, or after!
The surgery was the easiest part of the day. I was only in the hospital for maybe 2 hours in total. The procedure took about 30 minutes. I had some bleeding for the next 24 hours and then it tapered off for the next week. Not much pain though and never took anything other than the advil they gave me in the hospital and one more dose before going to bed that night. The doctor did send me home with a prescription for pain meds but I never had it filled.
I really think that the choice you make will be the right one for you.
This is such a difficult time physically and emotionally. I am so sorry that you have to experience it. But, always remember that there are lots of women on this site that have been there and understand what you are going through. We are always here for you regardless of what you decide to do.
Take care of yourself, Marisa
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Post by littlefarmmama on Sept 19, 2007 14:23:46 GMT -5
HUGS!!!
Im very sorry for your loss, your words sound just like mine! I found out I had a BO on September 7th. I too was terrified of being put to sleep so I did not want a D&C. After waiting 10 days and nothing happened I called and made an appointment though. But yesterday it happened on its own, and I can honestly say it was not as bad as I had imagined. Its such a personal choice for everyone. I have 3 little ones at home and Im here alone 90% of the time with them so that was a big fear of mine. I just posted my story here before seeing your thread if you want to read it. Its titled Update on me.
I feel much more at peace now that its over. I hope you are able to decide and have some peace too soon, big hugs!!!!!
Beth
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dee
New Member
Posts: 11
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Post by dee on Sept 21, 2007 1:56:00 GMT -5
Oh Sweety, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is a hard decision to choose what to do. I have had 2 m/c's the first was a missed m/c and had to have a D&C as the sac wouldn't come away. I was really scared too, but it isn't as bad as you think. It is a very quick procedure, and I only had 2 days of light bleeding after it. I have recently had my second m/c which was a B/O and miscarried naturally. It did take a lot longer to come away, and have only stopped bleeding in the past few days. The m/c occurred about 3 1/2 weeks ago. It was alot more painful than the D&C. As Beth has said, it is a personal choice, but there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel, and you will feel much more at peace once it is over. I will be thinking of you during this time. Lots of hugs and prayers Dee
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Post by mle24dec on Sept 21, 2007 10:44:28 GMT -5
L~ I am so very sorry for your loss. It's hard enough to lose a child, but then to have to try to decide what method to use for m/c is almost unbearable. I had a bo in Jan 06. I had no idea how far along I was supposed to be, but the sac was measuring 6 weeks and I had been bleeding for about 2. My doc recommended the D&E and I agreed. I just wanted closure. I had a second loss a few months later. I was only 5-6 weeks and it was a natural m/c. It ended up being just a really heavy period.
The decision is a completely personal one. Here are some things to think about that might help you. How far along are you? The farther along you are, the more painful a natural m/c is and the more bleeding you will have. Will someone be around if you were to have any complications from a natural m/c? If not, that is definitely something to consider.
As for the D&E, I was scared, too, but it ended up being very "easy" physically. It was quick and I was able to function physically pretty much right away. I had someone with me that day to help out, but after that I was able to be on my own.
I know the decision is hard. I wish you did not need to make it. Please know we are here for you. Please let us know how you are doing when you have a chance. (((HUGS)))
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Post by neurogeek on Sept 22, 2007 16:17:26 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I have had one B/O about 3 months ago. I was 12 weeks along when we finally were sure it was a B/O. I went the drug induced M/C route to avoid having surgery. There is no way that I would do that again. (warning: TMI ahead....but I think it's worth hearing). I was thinking the same thing as you. I took the meds on Friday afternoon, went home and waited. The pain started after about 5 hours and was horrible. The pain meds they gave me did nothing. Luckily I had some vicodin left over from when I had a kidney stone, so I took that and it helped. I bled all night and the next day. I thought it was over because I passed some large tissue. Stopped bleeding for about a week. Then, out of nowhere, in the work bathroom I actually miscarried. It was awful. I was going along thinking it was over, and it wasn't. I just sat there and bled for an hour. Lost a lot of blood. I think the worst part was that I was trying to do it controlled (by taking the meds on a Friday and just having a bad weekend), but it ended up being totally out of my control. I felt like it was all just a sick joke on me. I would do the D/C. I thought I could handle a M/C emotionally, but there is no way I would go through that again. Best of luck. You'll get through it. Much love.
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Post by bella1108 on Feb 5, 2010 1:52:36 GMT -5
Hi, I am soooo sorry for your lose...I had a B/O in December, I found out when I was about 12 weeks along, I know who scary this is. Personally I choose to do it naturally, I know how scary it for sure. You need to make the right desion for you, I ended up in the hospital on christmas day ( so sad.) I was bleeding so bad, it was so scary...I really wish I would just done the D&C. It was so emotional, bleeding for about a month. I just couldn't imagine going through that again...Good luck with everything, my thoughts are with you.
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Post by carmenivy on Feb 5, 2010 10:32:42 GMT -5
Bella, I am sorry to hear of your loss. The holidays are an especially hard time to lose a loved one. I had my d & c the day before Thanksgiving. Glad you have joined our forum, but I am very sorry you had to lose a pregnancy to find us. The ladies here have been such a blessing to me over the years. I don't know what I would have done without them.
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Emily
Junior Member
Posts: 81
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Post by Emily on Feb 8, 2010 13:09:28 GMT -5
I am also so sorry for your lost. I could have written everything you did myself. Two weeks ago I found that I too had a B/O. I knew that mentally I couldn't just wait to MC. I decided to have a D&C, and that worked well for me.
There were complications durring my D&C only because I had some scar tissue from my 2 previous C-sections. I went to my Dr. a week after and she said that I have healed quickly and everything looked good.
Do what you feel is best for you. You will get through it and things will get easier. I know they all will tell you this, but they are right. It does get easier.
Emily
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