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Post by lilysmommy2004 on Nov 9, 2005 13:27:21 GMT -5
This may get long. My pregnancy was NOT planned - in fact I was on bc pills when I found out. I immediately stopped them of course and called the doctor. While it was unplanned, I LOVED that baby with all my soul as soon as I found out - it ws due on my birthday. I went for my first appointment at 7 weeks 5 days and all they saw was a gestational sac- nothing in it. They decided to do quant testing. That first draw it was almost 95,000. On Saturday though, it was only 107,000- nowhere close to doubling - and I was exactly 8 weeks then. I went in for another u/s the following Wednesday, should have been 8weeks 4 days, but that's when they confirmed it was a blighted ovum. I had a d&e on Friday-8 weeks 6 days. I have a follow up appointment on the 21st. I know it's too late now, but I keep thinking, could they have been wrong? I mean, my hcg levels just seemed SO high to me. I mean, I know they weren't doubling, but they were SO high. Could the baby have just been hiding? In my head, I know it's not possible - I stared at that screen with them and saw nothing but a big black empty sac. The sac was continuing to grow - the day they confirmed it to be a blighted ovum it had grown almost a full week's size. And the numbers were going up, not down. I know it's too late, but I still wonder. I know in my head that it just wasn't what God had planned for us right now, but my heart is having a hard time with it. Even though I DO trust God more than anything in the world. I had the d&e on Friday evening - it went pretty well. I'm still bleeding - although it wasn't heavy until today. And it's still not "heavy" but it's more and it's bright red. That scares me a bit. And this sounds strange to me, but I had lost weight while I was pregnant, b/c I had been so nauseated. I had the d& e on Friday, and on Monday I weighed FOUR POUNDS more than I did on Friday. And no, I didn't sit around and just comfort eat all weekend. What's going on with my body and will it EVER get back to normal again?
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Post by kurby68 on Nov 9, 2005 13:51:21 GMT -5
lilysmommy2004
I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard when we have to go through this. By 7 weeks they should be able to see a heartbeat. I m/c naturally but I know a lot of woment talked of bloating after their m/c. I guess I didn't care at that point about weight or anything to notice.
(((((((((hugs))))))))
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Post by lilysmommy2004 on Nov 9, 2005 13:56:13 GMT -5
Thank you very much for responding. This is just a very crazy time in my life. People keep telling me that I can try again, but it's just not possible. This really was my last hope!
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Post by mamabear on Nov 9, 2005 14:06:44 GMT -5
I am so very sorry that this had to happen. Planned or not you loved this baby and you were able to hold him or her under your heart for a little bit. I haven't yet gotten to your other posts, so I may be jumping ahead with my answer. Yes. This is all so horribly "normal". My numbers were 60,000 and was told, don't worry about the 2nd test, with numbers this high, we are good to go. The 2nd test, the numbers were elevated, but not enough. I have also read that real high numbers, that don't double also spell BO. It is all strange and that is why I am so very glad that we have all found each other, here.
Physically, you sound like what I went thru w/the bleeding. Don't worry about the weight gain, your body is going thru a weird phase, too. And if you want to sit around and eat comfort food all weekend, that is your right. I am so very sorry for your loss, please try to find some comfort here with these wonderful women and maybe some answers too. many hugs Mamabear
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Post by kurby68 on Nov 9, 2005 14:08:06 GMT -5
It is hard to listen to what people have to say after a time like this especially when unless you have been through this you cannot understand.
I am sorry that you feel this is your last hope. I thought that it was mine but only time will know that for sure.
Take care
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Post by lilysmommy2004 on Nov 9, 2005 14:44:14 GMT -5
Kallie, What other people are saying is probably the hardest to deal with. They're telling me that "it wasn't a real baby" and when explaining the situation to someone else, DB said, "she thought she was pregnant but she really wasn't". Well, that's simply not true. I WAS pregnant and although it was not viable it was still MY BABY and I don't care how big it got. It was still MY BABY. period. That's the hardest part - people acting like there wasn't a baby so I didn't really lose anything.
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Post by mamabear on Nov 9, 2005 15:29:33 GMT -5
Im so very sorry that people are telling you these things. It is very hurtful when ignorant people are around. Grieve in the way that you feel most comfortable and know that that is your right, you have lost something most precious. Hugs and tears Mamabear
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Post by vernkatherine on Nov 9, 2005 16:48:56 GMT -5
GRRRR!!!!! I am so mad to read that someone said you "thought" you were pregnant! YOU WERE PREGNANT!!!!!!!! Please keep posting here for support. Don't listen to the ignorant comments. I just can't even think of one good reason to make a comment like that other than ignorance.
I have had 2 BOs & both times miscarried naturally so I am not of any help on the D&E issue. Sorry I can't be of assistance.
Please keep us posted. Best wishes to you. You are in my prayers!!!
Katherine
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Post by kurby68 on Nov 9, 2005 17:04:06 GMT -5
In my honest opinion and as my dr has explained. It started out w/ an egg & a sperm so in actuality it maybe what a lot of people would call a fetus or baby. She said that w/ any m/c something happens whether genetically the egg or sperm were bad but somehow it just stopped developing. She also said there is no way you can be pg and then not be pg.So you were pg and maybe things didn't go exactly as we would plan but in your heart and mind you loved your baby and you have every right to mourn and have any feelings that you have.
Take care
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Tammy
New Member
Posts: 18
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Post by Tammy on Nov 9, 2005 23:00:28 GMT -5
Oh sweetie I am so sorry for your loss. God holds and takes care of your little one now. You were pregnant with a little one and don't let anyone try to tell you or say otherwise. We all loved our little angels and have mourned and continue to mourn for them and that is not only okay it is natural and healthy. All of the ladies here are wonderful and full of knowledge. Please look to them for support if you need it. They have loving and thoughtful advice. I have learned a lot in the week that I have been here. Please know that you are in my prayers. xxoo Tammy
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Post by ajones on Nov 10, 2005 15:30:01 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss. Continue to trust in God, and remember He draws near to you when you are in pain. Trust in God also for the future, don't give up on having another. I just had a M/C three weeks ago, and a still birth 7 months ago and I refuse to give up. My husband and I are going to try again and I am 40 years old. I know in my heart God knows what is best and only wants the best for us. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve, and that you did not suffer a loss, your grief is unique and you need to grieve. We are here for you and these ladies have truly been a blessing to me and they will be for you too.
Take care and you are in my prayers.
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Post by Egirl on Nov 10, 2005 23:33:32 GMT -5
lilysmommy2004 ~
I am so sorry for your situation, but please know there are many of us here that have walked in your shoes and care very much about what you are going through. The shock of not seeing your baby during the U/S is indescribable. It's all so hard to cope with and impossible to understand. People will make extremely rude and ignorant comments because they just don't understand what you are going through. Try to let what they say roll off your back and find comfort in knowing that many people DO understand and sympathize with you. Somehow I came across this forum after I was diagnosed with a BO, and the girls here are just wonderful, kind and supportive. You WERE pregnant regardless of how any one else wants to look at it. I sincerely hope you will give yourself time to rest and heal physically and emotionally. There are bright, sunny days ahead for you. I promise!!!!
!!!!HUGS!!!!
Erin
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Post by Charlotte on Nov 10, 2005 23:51:41 GMT -5
Dear lilysmommy2004, If I could take all the ugly, ignorant comments that you will hear away for you, I would. I have been told some of the same comments that you have and I know how stinging they are. You were pregnant! You have suffered a loss! And you will grieve because you have every right too. You had a hope for a baby. If you are like most of us, you had made plans for this new addition--even mentally planning out the room or picking out names. You have room in your heart for this little one. This was what was taken from you long before you were ready. Take your time and acknowledge what you feel is ok and the way you have to process what has happened to you. take care and check in here when you need to vent or anything, Charlotte
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