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Post by tayvt on Nov 3, 2005 17:33:59 GMT -5
Soooo, its been 1 1/2 since my D&C and 2 weeks finding out that my pregnancy was failing. I am a little worried about myself. Is it normal to still cry everyday. Not all the time but once or twice a day I have crying jags where all feels hopeless. My DH and I were only married on Oct. 8th and I thought I may have a little bit of down feelings after the excitement of our wedding was over and DH was back to his crazy 100 hour work weeks (he is a medical resident). But right before the wedding I found out I was pregnant and so excited to have this great new thing to look foward to. Now, after the miscarriage it feels so unfair. I feel like I have lost out on the "newlywed" time. I feel shorted, no baby and now unable to enjoy this special newlywed time in our life. I'm just hoping I'm not seriously depressed, that maybe a little more time will help heal. Has anyoney else felt depressed after a m/c? I hope I don't sound selfish, I love my DH but feel unable to be excited about our new marriage anymore. Thanks for listening. Lauren
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Post by andee on Nov 3, 2005 18:16:43 GMT -5
I did.It takes awhile for anyone to heal,it doesn't always mean its depression.It's more like mourning.Let us all on here help you through this.You are not alone.It just takes time as much as you may hate to hear that.
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Post by vernkatherine on Nov 3, 2005 19:11:55 GMT -5
I had moments when I cried or felt sad. Try, if you can, to focus on the positive. That's what I did. After my first BO, not even a week after, Christmas Eve morning as a matter of fact, my husband was in a motorcycle accident (and we were living in Italy - talk about a double whamy with no family around!) and I said then, we've suffered a miscarriage, it's Christmas, and DH is in the hospital. I was sad, but I said, "God let him live and I'm alive, and we can try again." I constantly focused on the positive. The 2nd BO happened as I was moving back to the States - again Christmas!!!!! And I said, well, we still have each other (even though he had 3 more months in Italy - I came back early to start my job). I again focused on the positive. I don't know if this is much help, but it seemed to work for me. I kept reminding myself there are people in this world who had it much worse than I did. At least we were both alive and able to try again. Try to focus on the joys of you and your husband, and your future together.
I wish you the best & let us know how you're doing!!!!
Katherine
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Post by kurby68 on Nov 3, 2005 19:42:30 GMT -5
Lauren You are going through the greiving process and it takes time. One day at a time. I still get sad and it has been 17 months
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
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Post by mamabear on Nov 3, 2005 20:32:23 GMT -5
Lauren, sweetie, Unfortunately, the grief we all share is real. How you express is totally you. Yes cry 20 times a day. Yes it is unfair that you had all this great new happiness all at once and then great sadness at the same time. WOW congrats on being a newlywed, seriously... You haven't been hearing that enough and you need that and you need to find whatever few moments w/DH to experience that giddy feeling that you felt, maybe when he first proposed or the first time he kissed you or the first time you KNEW he was THE ONE.... OR THE FIRST TIME...... Does he Understand how you feel? How does he grieve about the loss of your baby? I am so very sorry for your loss and am glad you found this place, maybe you will find something here in these posts. Just remember, your loss is fresh and it is very very normal to grieve, to cry constantly, to rant rave yell and scream. Communication with your DH is very important. In his busy schedule, make sure you two find time for you two. I have big shoulders and am here for you. so very sorry, Mamabear
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katiel
Senior Member
Posts: 355
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Post by katiel on Nov 3, 2005 21:18:20 GMT -5
Lauren,
I feel for you sweetness. What you're feeling is completely normal. You're grieving. If you want to cry, just cry. Do whatever you can to comfort yourself. Personally, I went through a time about 3 months ago when I was living in a bubble bath! Try to make the most of your time with your hubby and know that we're here for you!
HUGS Katie
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Post by amyldougj on Nov 3, 2005 23:28:27 GMT -5
It has been 7 months since my m/c and I still cry often. I was crying just a min ago. It is normal to cry. You had a major loss and it is not something that is easy to get over. let yourself cry all you want. you have every right you just lost a baby that you loved. If its makes you feel anybetter I'm crying with you.
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Post by tasha on Nov 4, 2005 14:09:11 GMT -5
Hi Lauren sorry to hear all your going through, i too still cry very much, i had my angel BO in april this year and am currently having USS now as the same may be happening again. I not fully grieved for our loss in April and feel life is so unfair sometimes, the why me? why again but you do have to be grateful for the good things you have and grieve in a way thats best for you. thinking about you tasha
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Post by Charlotte on Nov 5, 2005 1:41:38 GMT -5
Sweetie, The greatest advice I have been given in all this time is... pain and greif are O.K. Embrace them. Feel it. Live it. Soak it up. You can only grow after you have moved past the pain. My girlfriend had imparted that to me and it didn't make sense at first but, I can see what she meant now. It's gonna be rough and that's ok. It's gonna suck(for lack of a better word) and that's ok. You are going to cry and that's ok. Do whatever is that you need to do to make you feel better. ((((HUGS)))) Charlotte
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Post by justinsmomma on Nov 5, 2005 7:06:49 GMT -5
Hi Lauren,
I just wanted to lend my support and HUGS to you! I have found that grief comes in waves. Sometimes it is a big "wall" of a wave, other times it is just a little lapping of a wave...but it is always there. It really helped me to have therapists during my times of grieving, to help me sort out what I was feeling. Don't get me wrong, I was still somewhat self-destructive but just talking to someone really helped. My Dh didn't understand and my sisters just seemed to take their m/c with a grain of salt. I also took antidepressants after each loss. Not right away, once I figured out that I "needed" to wait to TTC...usually about 2-3 mos. in. (I have had two losses) Once I felt I had a good handle on my emotions and/or I was ready to TTC again I weaned myself off of them. There is no shame in doing what you have to do to get by. I agree with you, having your newly wed time cut short because of your loss IS unfair...no doubt about it. Try and share your feelings with your spouse. Maybe he will go out of his way to do little things to make this time happier for you. ;0) Even with crazy hours I am sure if you reach out he will help you through. I personally am REALLY bad at sharing with my spouse, but after couples and individual counseling (and two children LOL) I am doing better with that.
I am so sorry you are getting hit with that first part of the grieving process. Once the numbness wears off the depression starts. I pray that it is brief and you will find that place of peace really soon. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) we are here for you.
Kris
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Tammy
New Member
Posts: 18
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Post by Tammy on Nov 5, 2005 14:36:02 GMT -5
Dearest Lauren, I'm so sorry for your loss and at such a happy time in your life. All of the ladies here give great advise and can empathise not just sympathise. I had my m/c three weeks ago and consider it a good day when I cry only once or twice. We are grieving and need to go through that process. I share your pain and am so sorry. I am praying for you and all of the ladies here on this site. ((((((HUGS)))))) Tammy
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shann
Senior Member
Posts: 274
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Post by shann on Nov 7, 2005 10:09:51 GMT -5
Lauren, I am so sorry you are having to go through such a loss and we all sympathize. I had my m/c 2 months ago and I still need to cry sometimes, sometimes often. What you are going through is so trying, try and take it day by day and take care of you...
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