Post by ali on Oct 10, 2005 23:12:00 GMT -5
Hi All - let me start off by saying I think this forum is absolutely wonderful! I'd like to share my story with you as I don't get to speak to many people about my loss.
My boyfriend proposed to me at the end of March this year (only a week after getting back together from a 6 month break) - it was a surprise, but I knew it was what we both wanted. On the night of our engagement he decided we didn't need contraception (hey, we were going to have a family eventually anyway right?). Well, you guessed it - we conceived that night.
I was scared - I wanted a family so badly, but I didn't expect this all to happen so fast - I'd quit my job, moved in with my boyfriend, become engaged - and now I was pregnant! If I thought it was a quick progression, my now fiance thought it was way too quick and he started to become emotionally crippled.
He blamed me for everything happening so fast and did not share in the joy of my pregnancy.
It should have been the happiest time of my life - but instead it was one of the worst....we fought constantly and he would hardly acknowledge the pregnancy.
Because I've always had irregular periods, I went to the doctors pretty much straight after the HPT positive. By now, my fiance was also doubting the baby was his (I had a fling during our 6 month separation) and he demanded to know the date of conception.
I guess this was a good thing in the long run, because it meant that I went for an early U/S.
It was at this ultrasound that they said they could see a sac, but no heartbeat. I'd never heard of this before (and I'm studying to become a Doula!) - i didn't understand what she was saying. But she told me not to worry - it was early days yet - and to come back in 10 days (the sac measured 6 1/2 weeks gestation).
So I went home and tried not to think about it, but as each day passed I felt more and more pregnant and I convinced myself that everything was going to be alright (my breasts were so sore, my tummy was swelling I just felt pregnant).
So, when I went for the U/S again 10 days later, I really didn't expect to find out it wasn't a "viable" pregnancy. But that's exactly what happened.
It's been a few months since I had the D & C and I thought that everything would be OK (fiance and I have since parted ways) - but it's only now that it's all beginning to hit me.
I'm finding it hard to deal with such conflicting emotions - people telling me it was for the best because of the rocky relationship. People not understanding that there really was a baby at some stage (and always the dream of the pregnancy and baby). I see so many pregnant women and wonder if that is what I'd look like now. I held a friends baby the other day and it just made me want to cry....
Anyway, sorry about the long drawn out story - thanks for letting me share.
My boyfriend proposed to me at the end of March this year (only a week after getting back together from a 6 month break) - it was a surprise, but I knew it was what we both wanted. On the night of our engagement he decided we didn't need contraception (hey, we were going to have a family eventually anyway right?). Well, you guessed it - we conceived that night.
I was scared - I wanted a family so badly, but I didn't expect this all to happen so fast - I'd quit my job, moved in with my boyfriend, become engaged - and now I was pregnant! If I thought it was a quick progression, my now fiance thought it was way too quick and he started to become emotionally crippled.
He blamed me for everything happening so fast and did not share in the joy of my pregnancy.
It should have been the happiest time of my life - but instead it was one of the worst....we fought constantly and he would hardly acknowledge the pregnancy.
Because I've always had irregular periods, I went to the doctors pretty much straight after the HPT positive. By now, my fiance was also doubting the baby was his (I had a fling during our 6 month separation) and he demanded to know the date of conception.
I guess this was a good thing in the long run, because it meant that I went for an early U/S.
It was at this ultrasound that they said they could see a sac, but no heartbeat. I'd never heard of this before (and I'm studying to become a Doula!) - i didn't understand what she was saying. But she told me not to worry - it was early days yet - and to come back in 10 days (the sac measured 6 1/2 weeks gestation).
So I went home and tried not to think about it, but as each day passed I felt more and more pregnant and I convinced myself that everything was going to be alright (my breasts were so sore, my tummy was swelling I just felt pregnant).
So, when I went for the U/S again 10 days later, I really didn't expect to find out it wasn't a "viable" pregnancy. But that's exactly what happened.
It's been a few months since I had the D & C and I thought that everything would be OK (fiance and I have since parted ways) - but it's only now that it's all beginning to hit me.
I'm finding it hard to deal with such conflicting emotions - people telling me it was for the best because of the rocky relationship. People not understanding that there really was a baby at some stage (and always the dream of the pregnancy and baby). I see so many pregnant women and wonder if that is what I'd look like now. I held a friends baby the other day and it just made me want to cry....
Anyway, sorry about the long drawn out story - thanks for letting me share.