katiel
Senior Member
Posts: 355
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Post by katiel on Aug 17, 2005 1:38:29 GMT -5
Greetings all,
I'm new to this forum. I found out that my long awaited pg was "not viable" in early March. My doc is great and really felt for me. On his recommendation I had d&c a week later. I'm having a really hard time coping with this. I'm trying to take care of myself and not get to depressed while allowing myself to grieve. How do you balance all of this?
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Post by kurby68 on Aug 17, 2005 6:53:04 GMT -5
Katiel
First let me say that I am sorry that you have had to find us. There are a lot of great women here that will support you when needed.
For me it was a day by day thing. There were days I was great and then for no reason at all I'd start crying or get angry. I don't think that there was ever a real reason on why I'd have a day like that but they did get less frequent as time went by. For me I really got close w/ dh more than we already were and then I had this board of wonderful women. Anytime I had a question or concern they were there for me. Even if it was just to rant that my family was making me crazy or that today was just a bad day and I was really sad.
Unfortunately each person has their own time table on how and when they heal and in my opinion we do not ever heal 100%. But we do get close. It has been over a year and I sometimes get sad and then I move on w/ the day.
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
Take care
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micki
Junior Member
Posts: 65
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Post by micki on Aug 17, 2005 8:01:51 GMT -5
Hi KatieL,
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
For me, I too just took it day by day. It was a long road and just when I thought I was doing good I would have a bit of a set back. I just last week had my 1yr anniversary of being diagnosed with a BO ~ I was very sad. The saying that Time heals was very true with me. I still think about the baby and am curious if it was a girl or a boy. I am glad that you found this site and I think it will offer you a great deal of support on your road to healing. You are in my prayers. Micki
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katiel
Senior Member
Posts: 355
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Post by katiel on Aug 17, 2005 10:35:17 GMT -5
Thanks for the support. I can completely understand the day by day thing. There are days when anything can upset me or just get really angry. I'm sure that my dh is never sure what to expect. I'm very fortunate that I have an aquaintance - now a good friend - that has been in my shoes. She's forever telling me that I'm normal. If it wasn't for her I think I'd have a much tougher time. It doesn't help that another friend of mine decided that she "only has time to communicate with me through email" due to her busy schedule. This came less than 6 weeks after my m/c. I'm just feeling isolated right now and am really struggling to focus on work. The truth is that I have a hard time caring about a project. I've lost so much more than a project. I'm sure that this is just a downturn in the grieving process - at least that's what I'm telling myself.
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Post by Heather (hlam) on Aug 17, 2005 11:08:12 GMT -5
Katiel, I wanted to welcome you here and let you know how sorry for the loss that has brought you here. Tomorrow is the year anniversary of my loss. I will say that I'm doing much better now although I still think about it everyday. The first 6 months were really hard for me. There was a bunch of us pregnant moms at the start of preschool last year and by the end when everyone had their new babies....I really had trouble not feeling "bad" for myself! Same thing when my sisters both had their babies 2 months after mine was due. It seemed like everywhere I turned I was being reminded of what I had lost. I'm now trying TTC again which is what actually brought me to this forum. I started looking up information about BO's to see if I could find any clue what went wrong last time. By finding this forum, I have found a wealth of information and support and a place to "vent" about whatever I'm feeling that day. This place has really helped me because until I found these wonderful ladies......I felt all alone with my feelings. Everyone I knew had never heard of a BO before. I think the first mistake that I made was trying not to allow it to bother me. I kept trying to move forward and "ignore" the pain because I didn't want to be depressed. I think that this made things even harder on me because the depression just kept finding me. Finally a dear friend of mine said that I was grieving and that I needed to allow myself to grieve and somehow that released me. I agree with the other ladies that it's a day by day process and some days will be better than others and that you'll never be 100% healed because the loss will always be there but you'll get better and find some peace with it in time. I'll be thinking about you. Hang in there and know that there are a lot of supportive women here that are willing to listen and help if you need it.
(((((HUGS)))))
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katiel
Senior Member
Posts: 355
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Post by katiel on Aug 17, 2005 11:17:41 GMT -5
Heather, that is it exactly! I've had some really horrible thoughts about pregnant women and women with small babies. I have been SO angry at completely strangers. I know that it's not unusual but wow! Yesterday was just a tough day and I'm hoping that today will be better. I'm going to see a counselor tonight. I'm hoping that talking to someone will help me. Although, I have to say that the ladies here have helped me already.
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Post by Heather (hlam) on Aug 17, 2005 11:27:57 GMT -5
Katiel, I hope that knowing how you feel isn't unusual will help you to feel a bit better. I'm also glad to hear that the ladies here have already helped you some and that your going to talk to a counselor. I think one of the best things we can do is talk about how we're feeling. Hang in there!
Take Care!
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alaskaice
Junior Member
"When God shuts a door.... He always leaves a window open"
Posts: 71
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Post by alaskaice on Aug 17, 2005 16:26:29 GMT -5
i had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. My dh has not been to much help and i'm 4000 miles away from my family. I found hobbies. I am concentratin on my weight loss and took up scrapbooking (after my first miscarriage not due to bo) i've also started to keep a journal to write my feelings because that's the only way they are going to get out is if I write them down....
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katiel
Senior Member
Posts: 355
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Post by katiel on Aug 17, 2005 21:26:42 GMT -5
Alaskaice, I'm sending you a huge e-hug....MMMMMMMM!!! Better? I can't imagine being 4000 miles away from my family when I had my m/c. Two of my biggest supporters have been my brothers. They don't completely understand, but they try really hard. My dh had a hard time at first too. He still struggles with saying the right things to me. I have to remember that he's grieving too and won't always be able to help me. I'm glad to hear that you're journaling. I know that helps. My counselor suggested indulging where I can. Hot baths, funny movies and comfy jammies. It can't hurt right? Thanks so much for responding to my post. You and all of the other ladies really did help me. It's so nice to know that I'm not alone - even if it feels that way sometimes
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