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Post by andee on Aug 26, 2005 21:44:14 GMT -5
She won't let me help her.She is convinced this baby's spirit will come back and she will be able to raise it.She said she heard a little girls voice say it's not my time yet mommy.I have to go. I wanted to explain to her about a blighted ovum.She got rude and said what difference does it make.She said she didn't make that up about what she heard.She said her baby wasn't lost it wasn't time for the baby to be here yet.She told me she wasn't me by basically saying our situations weren't the same.Before this happened she said to me she couldn't understand why I couldn't get past this.I know now.She will never understand me.She's already ready to try again and hasn't even started to miscarry yet.I was so hurt and mad at her.I just stopped talking to her.Its like she mocks my pain.Even though she's going through it.Do i make since?I can't even begin to figure her out.I try not to think about it to much now.
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Post by Heather (hlam) on Aug 26, 2005 23:22:23 GMT -5
Andee, I think that everyone has to handle things in their own way. I too was ready to start as soon as I found out about my BO and I also told everyone that I believed it wasn't time for me to have that baby and that someday it would come back to me! Hence my circling soul at the bottom of my signature! It's been a year and my feelings changed with each passing month. I went from TTC for 3 months to not wanting to TTC anymore to being afraid of TTC. I think that grief hits some of us in different ways at different times. I don't think she's trying to be insensitive to how you feel. I think she's just trying to sort out how she's feeling! I know that by believing the baby I lost was going to come back to me......it sort of kept me from having to deal with the issue at hand. I've come a long ways in terms of dealing with my loss this year. I've gone through many different emotions......as I'm sure we all have! I hope that you don't think I'm trying to take her side because I'm not and I don't think that anyone should make you feel like they are mocking your pain......no matter what the situation is. I just wanted to tell you how I had felt so that maybe she wouldn't seem so "crazy" to you! I now believe that my baby is in heaven but I haven't changed my signature from circling soul because I still feel my baby is always around me. I believe that a soul comes to you at the point of conception and no matter how long it stays it was still there. I hope this helps and doesn't make you feel like I don't see your point of view. I just felt I should write because I've had both points of views.......at different points in the last year! Hang in there!
Take Care!
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Post by Heather (hlam) on Aug 26, 2005 23:33:43 GMT -5
Andee, I also wanted to add that my cousin (who I am very close to) got pregnant at the same time I did and our due dates were 2 days apart! She lost her baby (it died in utero) the day before I found out about my BO! You would have thought that this would have brought us closer together and we really did try to communicate and stay in touch but we were just dealing with it so differently. She had no desire to TTC and I couldn't start fast enough! Eventually our weekly sometimes daily conversations turned into monthly emails. We just needed to handle things on our own I guess. As time went on though she decided she wanted to get PG again and is now 18 weeks into her pregnancy and I had gotten to the point that I was almost too terrified to even try! We are now very close again and in touch constantly! I just wanted to let you know! I think she'll come around eventually!
Take Care!
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Post by justinsmomma on Aug 27, 2005 6:32:08 GMT -5
Andee,
I have a friend who was like that. She swore that her baby (that she lost in m/c) was a girl, and that her spirit was going to return in her next pregnancy. I tried to be there for her but the 2nd time I spoke to her after the loss she said she was "over" it and ready to TTC again...so I never brought it up again. Some people internalize grief more than others, and some people never process it properly. Well my friend became pregnant about 6 weeks later with a BOY LOL, that spirit (she called her Melody) didn't come back in girl form but it was never mentioned again. Her abruptness shocked me and went totally against my experience and feelings on my losses. I still haven't seen her since she got pregnant and her baby is 2 mos. old now. I just can't fit it into my schedule and her behavior since has been bizarre (she calls me like 5 times a week, ridicules me for working f/t, etc.) Big HUGS though I am sorry she is making you feel out of sorts. I felt the same way when my friend m/c, that she was mocking my pain, and I guess I am still not over it.
HUGS
Kris
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Post by kurby68 on Aug 27, 2005 10:43:59 GMT -5
Andee
I guess then I would say do what will help you. Some people tend to have more problems dealing with reality then others.
I hope that she gets through this.
Take care
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Post by andee on Aug 27, 2005 11:16:11 GMT -5
Thanks for all your replies.I'm sorry if I too was insensitive towards anyone if they feel that way also.I shouldn't have called her crazy.I was upset when I typed that.I am just worried if she tries to soon it will turn bad again.She doesn't even recognize it as a blighted ovum.She won't look up information.Her doctor didn't tell ehr it was a b/o but when she described all the symptoms of not feeling pregnant,no heart beat,sac to small than it should be.I just new what was happening.Since this is her second m/c I am worried about her trying to soon.She had a healthy girl that started out kind of scarey in between the two m/c.Again I am sorry if I offended anyone.Have a great weekend!
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Post by Heather (hlam) on Aug 27, 2005 12:04:58 GMT -5
Andee, I'm not sure you actually said she was "crazy." I think I made that characterization on my own for lack of a better word! HaHa Anyhow, I'm not offended....if you meant me! I didn't want to deal with it and I wanted to move forward and be okay! It caught up with me was all I was trying to say! I just wanted to share my story since it was so similar. I can't promise that she'll ever come around though. My sister had a mc and even tells me still that it never mattered to her! I guess we just all deal with things differently! Have a good weekend.
Take Care!
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Joli
Junior Member
Posts: 42
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Post by Joli on Sept 3, 2005 23:23:40 GMT -5
I posted my story on the story board and it was rather long. I didn't however think about adding in the story the bizarre fact that a girl I work with is also pg and our due dates were exactly the same, March 19. Reading this thread made me think to add this fact. She has resigned and is moving away, which I feel relieved about because I know that it would be really hard to deal with watching her contine her pregnancy all the way through. Though I pray for her and hope that everything goes well and she has a non eventful pregnancy and a healthy baby. Also there is another co worker who thinks she is pg, but she is already making arrangements for abortion if she is. I knew this before I found out about my BO. I even told my doctor about her when he was explaining it to me, and telling him how unfair it is. I have told most everyone at work about the BO, but haven't told her, and am afraid that I will eventually tell her exactly what I think of her one day. She did several pg tests which all showed a faint positive a couple of weeks ago. She had a blood test that was negative, but she would have only been about 2 1/2 weeks along at the time. She was having nausea and becoming emotional already, that is why she did the test. I was in her office and she was calling to find out how far along she needed to be to have an abortion and how much it costs. She has 2 ds's already and I told her that she would regret doing that, but if that is how she feels, then that is what she needs to do. I have always been very Pro Life. I have worked in a field where you see many sad things, and guess I have come to the point that I feel some children would be better off if their parents had ended the pregnancy. Anyway, I know I sound bitter, I guess deep down I am. I don't think it is fair that someone that immature should be allowed to even get pg, but that isn't up to me, and everything happens for a reason. Dealing with this woman is going to be really hard. She isn't leaving that I know of, but I wish she would. She hasn't mentioned the pregnancy in a couple of weeks. We were out of town at a conference August 17th through August 20th, and one night she came and told me she was spotting, well she said she had started. She was so excited. She was drinking and smoking. BTW, she had been quit smoking for 2 yrs. She started back when she first took the pg test that was faint positive. I had smoked for over 20 years and had quit because I was pg. Ironic, huh? Anyway, I will be avoiding her and do not plan to ask her about her situation. She would rather me just think she wasn't pg and have the abortion without anyone knowing, I am sure. The point is, it doesn't seem fair, people who shouldn't have kids, or don't want them have them, and the ones who really really want them and try so hard and do the right things have this happen. Oh, and BTW, I worked for DHR here in my county, investigating child abuse and neglect for a couple of years, until I couldn't handle it anymore. You ladies hang in there. I believe there is a plan and God is with each and every one of us always. Our babies will always be with us and we will have more. God Bless you all. Love and Light to each and every one of you mommys.
Joli
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Post by kurby68 on Sept 4, 2005 14:45:55 GMT -5
Welcome Joli
I am so sorry that you have had to go through all this. And yes dealing w/ someone that is pg that we feel should not be is very very difficult. And then feeling bad because we feel that way can be hard too. I try not to judge others but it is a very hard thing when it comes to family and babies and children... Then my morals and my feelings really get in the way.
I had a very hard time after my bo and I was so angry when I would see people that were not taking care of themselves by drinking, smoking etc while being pg. My dh had to usually steer me away from anyone like that or I'd be too tempted to say something.
Today I still have issues like that even though it has been over a year and I am pg. I do not think I'll ever not feel that way. I see so many women here that have bo's and some of my friends that have had m/c and some that have never been able to get pg and they are good people...
I hope that you find away to deal w/ the woman you work with and that you know you can come and vent at any time.
Take care ((((((hugs)))))))
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Joli
Junior Member
Posts: 42
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Post by Joli on Sept 4, 2005 14:59:21 GMT -5
Thanks kurby
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Post by andee on Sept 4, 2005 21:56:26 GMT -5
Did anyone ever feel their b/o was a boy?I was curious.A lot of us, after reading different postings, feel that our b/o's were a girl.I know I did.I just was wondering if anyone felt their baby was a boy.
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Post by kurby68 on Sept 5, 2005 9:31:45 GMT -5
I had a feeling that my bo was a boy. My 1st 2 pregnancies were girls and I felt they were girls and were correct. W/ this pg I knew it was a boy and the u/s showed that. So yes I truly believe that my bo was a boy.
Take care Kallie
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