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Post by amyldougj on Apr 12, 2005 17:06:10 GMT -5
Hello, I am 35yrs old and I'm 12wks and 3days pregnant. I had a vag ultrasound done yesterday by a doctor that was not my regular ob. The doctor there told me that I was pregnant but there was no baby. I have a blighted ovum. At first I wanted a dnc to get it over with. I have been searching the web today and found ladies that have been told the same thing but later find out that it was wrong and there was a baby. Do I have any hope. I have a appt with my ob tomorrow for another ultrasound. What are the chances that he will find my baby. This is so had for me. I have 3 other children and have never had any problems why this time. Please help me understand
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Post by kurby68 on Apr 12, 2005 20:22:36 GMT -5
Welcome, I wish that you didn't have to be here. I am sorry that you are going through this. I had a bo in July of 2004. I had 2 normal pregnancies before my bo and I had never heard of it either. I found out in the er after I started bleeding.
I would think that after 12w & 3d they should be able to tell whether it is a viable pregnancy or not. Unless of course you are really off on your due date.
Have they done any hcg/beta levels?
Please keep us posted. Take care Kallie
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Post by Blighted Ovum Board Admin on Apr 12, 2005 22:40:51 GMT -5
It has been my understanding that the baby/heart beat should be detectable by ultrasound by 8 weeks, to the best of my knowledge. I know that sometimes it can't be found and then is spotted later, but I think your pg would have to be really misdated by this point. I can't find the article where I read that, this is the closest I could find: parenting.ivillage.com. I am so sorry this is happening to you we are here for you if you need to vent or are in need of support of any kind. Hugs, Lin
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Post by justinsmomma on Apr 13, 2005 5:31:55 GMT -5
Hello there,
I am so sorry that you have the need to be here. My name is Kris, and I have had 2 b/o miscarriages. I can explain the "blighted ovum" diagnosis if it helps. A blighted ovum is an anembryonic pregnancy, or a pregnancy that develops without an embryo. The egg fertilizes and grows a yolk sac and placenta but never develops beyond a fertilized egg into an embryo or fetus. That is what a "blighted ova" is. Your body goes along, developing HCG and other pregnancy symptoms, and in your case, (as well as mine) can hold on to this pregnancy for quite some time before it realizes something is wrong and starts to miscarry. I found out about my last b/o at 11.5 weeks. I am so sorry you are being faced with this news at this stage of your pregnancy. If they didn't see a h/b on vag u/s at 12 plus weeks then it is probably a blighted ovum. :0(
Let me know if you have more questions, and the results of your next u/s, or need help. Having a b/o or any miscarriage actually is quite common unfortunately. I believe the statistic is one in 4 pregnancies. I am so very sorry.
HUGS
Kris
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Post by amyldougj on Apr 13, 2005 11:34:22 GMT -5
Hello, thanks for the responses. I have 2 1/2 more hours to wait before I go to the doctor for another u/s and I want my hgc level checked. This baby was a surprise, we were not planning on another baby, I had mixed feelings about this baby until they told me on Monday that there was not a baby, now I can not handle the fact that there was no baby. I have been so upset these last couple of days, my belly feel strange but I think that is from all the stress. When I talked to the doctor on Monday I told him I wanted a dnc and to have my tubes tied. I have deceided against the dnc until my body starts the miscarrage on it own, then if it gets to bad I will go have a dnc. The tought of the loss of this baby makes me think about having another baby. Could the reason I'm thinking about another baby is just from the loss & stress of the blighted ovum from this baby? I am just so confussed and stress that I can't sleep and I can cry just talking about the baby. If there is no baby how much longer before I start to misscarry. I thought it should be at the end of the first tri and I have already started my sec trym. Sorry about going on and on but I am so scared about the appt today. I will let you know what we find out today. Thanks again for all the support
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Post by kurby68 on Apr 13, 2005 11:41:56 GMT -5
You have every right to feel scared, confused and angry as well as any other feelings you have. Don't make any hasty decisions on the future until you are sure what you want and you have had some chance to deal with this.
Please keep us posted. Take care Kallie
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Post by Blighted Ovum Board Admin on Apr 13, 2005 14:27:02 GMT -5
I agree with Kallie...don't do anything hasty. This is more to take in than anyone should have to even deal with, and your emotions are understandably all over the place.
I understand a little of what you are feeling. I didn't want kids at all when we got our surprise. I was just about to start grad school. Everything changed with that positive pg test and my world crashed in around me. As a result, I decided I didn't want grad school and I did want kids. Your perspective may change and it may not as for what steps to take after this--but the one thing for sure is that if it turns out as it appears to be...none of this is your fault. Nothing you did caused it and nothing you could have done would have prevented it.
*hugs* Let us know what happened at your appointment.
Lin
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Post by amyldougj on Apr 13, 2005 15:36:45 GMT -5
:'(Today was no better then Monday. My regular OB did a vag ultrasound and found no baby. He showed me on the screen the sac is now a square and there is no pole. He said with the sac closing like it is there is no change there is a baby hiding. I have a appt on Friday for a dnc. I just dont know if I can wait for a miscarrage to happen by itself. I know in my heart that there is no baby. I never felt attached to this baby like I have with my other children. I told the doctor that I wanted to wait on the tubal. I not sure if I want to chance having another miscarrage. I just not sure what to do about another baby. How bad is a dnc Thanks to everyone for all there support. My hudband tries but he doesnt understand like other women do.
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Post by justinsmomma on Apr 13, 2005 16:37:04 GMT -5
Oh sweetie I am so so sorry. Like you, I decided not to wait for the m/c and I had the surgery (mine was a D&E, a little different than a D&C). I found it to be no big deal at all and was relieved to have the pregnancy officially over with, emotionally it was the beginning of my healing process. Plus when you have other children to consider it is the easiest way, you don't have to worry about bleeding excessively at any given time and it is sterile and quick.
My thoughts and prayers are with you sweetheart.
HUGS
Kris
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Post by Blighted Ovum Board Admin on Apr 13, 2005 21:08:49 GMT -5
I had a D and C, I was so scared but it really wasn't that bad at all. The worst part for me was having to wait there afterwords until I had to pee. They said I had to eat something and to pee before I could leave. I was in at 8am and home by 2pm. The only part that even hurt for me was the peeing the first time (and it frankly wasn't really that bad but it did sting...and that was the worst of the whole thing) and that wasn't repeated after that when I had to go--it was just the first time. Otherwise there was just some slight discomfort coming out of the anesthesia and then for a few days at home. I felt what would best be described as maybe a little "raw" in the vaginal area. I could have gone to work the next day and totally have been fine (and I am a huge baby), although I didn't because emotionally I wasn't doing so great.
For me the D and C helped me find some closure. If I had to go back and do it again I would, for me it was the right choice. Do you have any questions about it? If there is anything specific I'll try to help (it was five years ago for me).
As for worries it might happen again, it could but it probably won't. As you get older there is a bit higher of a risk. I was 32 when mine happened. I had a child at 34 and one at 35. Odds are that everything will be fine. There are some here who haven't been so lucky.
This is from babycenter:
*hugs* Lin
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Post by amyldougj on Apr 14, 2005 9:16:32 GMT -5
Thanks for all the support and info. I guess with the sac in the shape of a square and no pole there is no way that there is a baby in there I think I want the dnc but just scared. I have only had one surgery in my life and that was 12-13 yrs ago. I guess I'm just worried about being put out for the surgery. What are the chances that someone does not wake up from this kind of surgery. That is my biggest fear. I have my other children to worry about I will just be glad when it is all over!! Please share your dnc stories with me. Thanks Amy
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Post by kr on Apr 15, 2005 6:34:07 GMT -5
This is my first post. We found out yesterday about my bo. I am absolutely shattered. I'm 23 and my husband and I were really excited, made all these plans.... my first u/s at 6 weeks showed a yolk sac and little else, I was told since it was all so small it was normal looking and I was set. Yesterday at my 11 week u/s there was nothing!! just a big black space.
I have a D&C planned for Tuesday and my OB said its very common, she had a bo herself and went on to have 3 kids, etc etc... It doesn't do a darn thing to help me, I just feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die! Why me??!!!!!
We wanted this to happen so much - stupid me for thinking wow it just took us a couple months to get pregnant and this is going to be great! I feel now like the past 3 months were a waste. I don't know what to do..... How do I face other people without them feeling bad for me? I'm surrounded by pregnant women and mothers at work, I don't know if I can handle that....
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Post by kurby68 on Apr 15, 2005 6:44:48 GMT -5
kr
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are right it sure feels like a waste. My dh & ttc for 8 months and then we finally got the bfp and we were happy and we told everyone and I mean everyone. Then I started spotting and ended up in the er to find out that I had a b/o I m/c naturally but I had to deal with the people. And I knew a lot of pregnant people, but you want to know what was surprising to me... All the people that had m/c who didn't tell me the stupid comments but really knew how upset that I was and were there for me. And the women I met through the bo support. They answered my questions and day by day I healed. My bo was in July 2004.
It is hard to deal with all the questions and of course you have questions too. I am very glad that you have a dr that has been through it. I had an ER dr that told my dh that it wasn't like I was really pregnant anyways. So hang in there. Vent, Rant and ask questions or anything else you need. We are here for you.
Keep us posted on how you are doing. Take care Kallie
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Post by amyldougj on Apr 15, 2005 11:17:01 GMT -5
I couldnt do it. I totally feel apart last night. I talked with my husband and he said he would support what ever I wanted. I was just so scared of beign put out. My Ob will not do a local so I just can not be put out. So I guess I will not be having my tubes done either. I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders. My next question is my stomach has been feeling funny lately, not really cramps I dont think. I not sure if it is just nerves or cramps. Today though it feels a little more like cramps If it is cramps how long should it be before I start to have the miscarrage? If and when the cramps get bad does midol or anything help with the pain??? Please share your thoughts and ideas with me. Thanks for all the support and help. It really made me feel better. Thanks again for everything Amy
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Post by kurby68 on Apr 15, 2005 12:07:22 GMT -5
Amy
It is a personal choice and each person has to do things that work for them.
As far as the m/c I think that you could request something stronger if you need it. I just took Alleve. It felt like a really bad period for me. Or early labor. I am sure you could get something stronger if it was more painful for you.
Once it starts you will know. My total m/c lasted 7 - 8 days but the cramping only lasted a couple days.
Please let us know if you need anything else.
Take care and keep us posted. Kallie
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Post by amyldougj on Apr 15, 2005 12:29:44 GMT -5
Hello, I think I am having cramps because I took some midol about 45 min ago and my stomach does not feel as bad as it did. I still have not started bleeding. I just wish mother nature with get this over with. Thanks for the insight Amy
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Post by Blighted Ovum Board Admin on Apr 15, 2005 13:53:20 GMT -5
kr--I am so, so sorry you are having to go through this. I know what you mean about why me and it being a waste. We would go out and I'd actually feel hateful toward pregnant women...which just isn't like me. It took me a few months to get past the hateful part of it. We were lucky though and got pg on the first try, but the three months they made me wait made it worse, 6 months altogether from the first pregnancy positive. It felt like time was an enemy. I felt utterly lost...all those dreams just went poof.
I also told everyone. The looks of pity are hard to avoid. Finally I started addressing it, I hated it when people acted funny around me. It made it worse, although I know they meant to be kind. Untelling sucks...I appointed someone at work to tell the others to avoid having to do all of it.
Amy/b]--You just have to go with your gut and do what's right for you. When I began to miscarry it felt just like a period did, same type of cramps and bleeding (although less than I would have with a normal period) and then I also passed (sorry graphic) the placenta which was very upsetting to me. I had the D and C because they didn't think I'd passed everything but no one told me to save what I had passed to check it--they expected I somehow new this without being told. It might be wise to ask if they want to look at what you pass. For me, the risk was in not getting it all and perhaps causing problems for further pregnancies. In retrospect I was probably fine and didn't need the D and C. The funny feeling you are having might just be nerves, this is such a horrible thing to have to go through. Personally, I didn't have any symptoms until I began to miscarry. I had been having morning sickness which everyone kept telling me was a good sign that all was well
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Post by kr on Apr 15, 2005 15:24:46 GMT -5
Kallie and Lindy, Thanks, it really helps to have people who've been in the situation to talk to. I'm feeling a little better today, its just that no matter how many people tell me I'm so young, this doesn't mean I can't have wonderful healthy pregnancies, etc it still feels downright rotten. I have to admit, it helps a GREAT deal to know the science behind it - it helps your heart slowly realize that you do have the strength to keep trying. I just hope the depression wears off - its weird how its just been 2 months but I feel like I've been pregnant forever and this just sent all our lovingly made plans down the toilet. I dropped by at work and a couple of my coworkers were already there and crying - obviously that opened the dam all over again for me, esp because one of them is due in Aug. I don't feel weird around pregnant women, I just get depressed and wonder why this ever happened to me. Its hard to rationalize when you're a conscientious, good (atleast I try to be) person. Depressed. My d&c is sceduled for Tuesday, I'm sort of looking forward to it so I can just get this over and done with. My ob said I should wait for one cycle to start trying again? I'm really scared to start tryng though we decided to wait like 2-3 cycles. Scared as heck....
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Post by amyldougj on Apr 16, 2005 12:01:45 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I am know 13 weeks and still no miscarrage. I have had cramps all day yesterday and they have started this morning. I still have no bleeding? Could my cramps just be my nerves. Do I have any hope that there might still be a baby. The doctor said my sac was in the shape of a square. Thats bad isnt it?? I just dont know what to think. When should the bleeding start? I thought most miscarrages happened in the first 3 months, I'm now in my 4th month?? Can someone help me understand moreof this? I also want to thank everyone that has responded so far. It has really helped me so far. Thanks again Amy
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Post by justinsmomma on Apr 17, 2005 7:08:09 GMT -5
Amy,
Some women can go weeks without miscarrying. That is why many of us chose to have surgery rather than wait. I carried my baby to almost 12 weeks last time, and she had been gone since 7. Personally I didn't want to be "pregnant" any more if there was no baby. How are you feeling today? You are in my thoughts and prayers.
KR,
I am not sure if I said "hello" to you yet, I don't believe I did. I am so sorry you are joining us too. The grieving and healing process is very complex and very personal to each woman after a m/c. Don't feel bad that you don't want to be around pregnant women, or are not ready to think about becoming pregnant again. It took me a whole year after each m/c to want to try. You are in my thoughts and prayers too, esp. Tuesday, for a quick physical recovery from your surgery. We are here for you both!
HUGS
Kris
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Post by kr on Apr 17, 2005 8:33:55 GMT -5
Hi Kris,
Thanks for the kind wishes - I hope the D&C goes smoothly on Tuesday, I'm very thankful to have my mom here and ofcourse dh is just so wonderful - this is so hard for him as well.
We still can't give up, I'm just finding it harder because I still feel pregnant - and its frustrating to know that all the nausea and the pain was fruitless. I hope I've become a stronger person. And the next time, I'll have to detach myself until we know things are ok for sure. Its all very sad...
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Post by amyldougj on Apr 17, 2005 8:42:09 GMT -5
Hello everyone!! I started bleeding yesterday afternoon. The start of it was bright red and had a dime size clot but since then it has only been a little. Still bright red but slowed down. I have had period cramps since Friday evening. I have be taking midol durning the day and a darvocet at night. From what I have read it could still be days or weeks before I have the miscarrage. Would having sex help cause this to happen sooner or does anyone have any idea what might speed this process along. Thanks again for everyone support. Amy
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Post by Blighted Ovum Board Admin on Apr 17, 2005 16:41:06 GMT -5
kr--I hope everything goes as well as can be expected with your D & C. Let us know how you are doing, ok?
Amy--I don't know of anything that can help speed it along...I bled for close to a week, heavier the first four days. I have always had nasty cramps so I don't know if that was really any different for me. Sex can't hurt, so if it is something your husband/partner is willing to go for it might be worth trying (the blood thing always freaks mine out). I didn't pass the placenta until the third day or so I think, and that was the only clot type material of substance I passed. I was farther along also (11 weeks, though, not 13) so I imagine the placenta might be larger than some might notice with earlier diagnosis and m/c symptoms since my understanding the placenta continues to grow until the body realizes the pg is lost. There is a possibility of a incomplete m/c and infection so I would just keep an eye on things.
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} You both are at least a little closer to the part where some of this current pain of the loss starts to lessen some. This is definately the worst part. You are both in my prayers.
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Post by kr on Apr 20, 2005 6:37:37 GMT -5
Hey everyone,
Just had my D&C yesterday and it went ok - pretty emotional but ok. Apparently I completely broke down after I went under - which I believe is common for people that keep everthing bottled up. It took about 15 mins and my mom and I walked home. It was only after a few hours that I felt like I got drop kicked in the face - VERY drowsy. Anyway, I'm glad its over and done with and we're looking forward to moving on.....
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Post by kurby68 on Apr 20, 2005 6:44:26 GMT -5
KR
I am glad that you at least feel you can move on. That is a start. I hope that you continue to feel better. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.
Take care Kallie
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Post by amyldougj on Apr 20, 2005 9:07:04 GMT -5
Hello everyone, It has been a long weekend. I quick recap, I was 12wk 2dys on Monday when I found out that I had a blighted ovum. I was going to have a dnc on Friday and chickened out. Friday I started having cramps and started bleeding a little. That lasted all night and till about 5pm. I was setting on the porch and got up to go inside and it felt like my water broke but it was all blood. I went upstairs to the bathroom and after maybe 30 mins the bleeding was undercontrol again. I spotted the rest of the day till about 8pm and I started have really bad cramps. At 9pm I went back to the bathroom and the blood started going everywhere. I set on the toilet for a while but could not tell what was coming out so I got in the tub and turned the shower on. It felt good and I was doing ok. After about 45 min I thought it had slowed down again and went to get out and I got so light headed. I set down on the toilet and I felt more stuff pass and that is when I almost passed out. I had my husband call 911. It was 10:30 when I saw the clock and we were in the er. They checked me and took blood. I felt dizzy and lightheaded and felt like I was going to pass out 3 more times in the er. As I was laying on the cot and passed 2 melon size blood clots. The doctor came back in and told me that my blood level was normal and that I can go back home. It was 12:30 when we left. My husband pulled up to the front door and I passed more clots and felt like I was going to pass out again. With the help of my Mom and Husband they got me upstairs to bed. The cramps was very strong and hard. I think it was about 3:30 when they finally stopped and the bleeding slowed down. I slept for a few hours on and off. I finally ended up down stairs on the couch most of the day. I didnt have much bleeding on Monday but I was so lightheaded and dizzy. I went to bed really tired and at 3am the cramps started again and the bleeding I spent the next 3 hours in the bathroom. At 6am I went back to bed and slept for a while. All day Tuesday I felt a little lightheaded but I had and still do have a headache so bad. Nothing takes carre of it. Here it is Wed morning and I feel better the bleeding is under control but I can not get rid of the headache. Anyone with any ideas on the headache. I just want to thank everyone for all the support. I dont know what I would of done if I had not found this site. Thanks again Amy
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Post by kurby68 on Apr 20, 2005 11:38:04 GMT -5
Amy
Have you called your dr about your headache? I woould definitely ask about it. I am glad that the bleeding has subsided and that you are feeling better that way. Please keep us posted.
Take care ((((hugs)))) Kallie
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Post by kr on Apr 20, 2005 13:12:44 GMT -5
Hi Amy,
I don't think I said hi yet. I just had a D&C yesterday - its a heartbreaking and extremely stressful time. I hope you're feeling better! I remeber my doc saying I should be calling her right away if I had an extremely bad headache but mild headaches aren't anything to worry about. Take care and I really hope you feel better.
kr
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Post by amyldougj on Apr 20, 2005 19:20:00 GMT -5
The headaches are some better. It seams like when I take tyenol and eat something they get some better. My husband and I have talked about another baby my main concern is that I am 35 and will be 36 in June and that I am overweight. Are these really major problems when you get pregnant?? All I know is that this m/c has brought my husband and me closer together. We want to have sex tonight. Does anyone know if there is any medical reason why we should not have sex. If I feel up to it what could the problem be??? Thanks again for all the support Amy
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Post by kurby68 on Apr 20, 2005 19:31:24 GMT -5
Amy,
1st the bo brought me & dh closer. As far as ttc... I am overweight and 36. I was 35 when I had the bo. I am 8w 4d pregnant right now. I do know that sometimes being overweight will make it harder when ttc but as long as you eat healthy and just walk 15 min a day you should be more than ok.
As far as sex goes me & my dh didn't wait long after the bo. If you are both confortable with it I personally say go for it. I think that drs usually may say something after d & c because chance of infection. If you have concerns ask your dr.
Take care Kallie
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