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Post by mdibattista on Apr 1, 2005 21:15:50 GMT -5
Hi everyone. I can not begin to explain how helpful this board has been to me, thank you for that. I mc (1st pg) last week (6w4d) & I picked up my pathology report yesterday. On the report it said that there were no products of conception. I was devasted . My DH was relieved. I know where he is coming from but it doesn't make it any easier. I actually feel worse now~don't know why. I dont know how to handle this. I had done research on preventing miscarriages and I had a plan on how to handle that but this... I don't even understand why it happens or what I can do to prevent it. I dont want to tell people b/c I am afraid of what their reactions will be esp. @work. I hate this feeling of being out of control. I don't know it could be the control freak in me but I was wondering if anyone else has felt out of control (on top of all the other emotions). Thanks for listening! ~~Maria~~
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Post by Blighted Ovum Board Admin on Apr 1, 2005 22:21:15 GMT -5
Maria,
I bet we all handled this differently. I shut myself off from almost everyone and put on this front of being alright. I spent literally hours and hours and hours sitting infront of the computer looking for some magic answer that never appeared. No one took the time to explain to me why it happened or even really *what* had happened.
The "what" of it is that there was probably something chromosomal wrong. It was likely a random error and is unlikely to be repeated. It could have been the sperm, it could have been the egg. What resulted is you were pregnant but very early on it stopped developing, and was then absorbed into your system. The body can be slow to figure it out and as a result everything continues growing, including the placenta--but without a baby, until the body catches on. For me, that was 11w3d.
{{{{{Maria}}}}}} I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, it is a pain no one should have to endure.
Personally, I think the biggest problem with this particular diagnosis (besides the fact that it happened at all, of course which is almost unbearable) is that sometimes people say that the person wasn't pregnant thinking this somehow helps. I've heard others run into this and I've run into it. My personal feeling is that not only is it wrong, it is very unkind and blatently cruel to say. There was a baby, it is not as if the body just spontaneously decided it would pretend to be pregnant and then said "oops". For some horrible reason, the baby didn't make it but the heartfelt pain and loss is real and not some kind of figment of one's imagination.
Odds are in your favor that you won't have future losses. Usually they won't even test at this point for that very reason. Unfortunately it affects other pregnancies because it is such a horrible thing to go through and it's perfectly normal to feel scared that it will happen again. One thing I can promise, is that the raw pain and the difficulty of each moment at this point will start to fade and heal some with time. This is not your fault, there is nothing you could have done to prevent it.
*hugs* Lin
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Post by kurby68 on Apr 1, 2005 22:41:09 GMT -5
Maria
I am sorry that you have to be here. Yes telling everyone is hard and sometimes the reactions are worse. I had my b/o in July of 2004 and was 5w2d. I was very devastated. The dr in the ER told dh that I was never pg. My dh and I had to have a talk because he thought that if the dr said that how can I say that I was. I had to show him everything I found on the web.
Take care and if you need anything please let us know. We are all here for you.
Kallie
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Post by Kris on Apr 2, 2005 6:22:17 GMT -5
(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))) I know how you feel. My first b/o the Dr. matter of fact told me that there was no "viable pregnancy"...that there was no embryo, just a blighted ovum. I didn't understand, I had lots of pregnancy symptoms (really all except the biggie, morning sickness) My 2nd loss was a little different, it was at almost 12 weeks and they saw that the sac had developed til 7.5 weeks. But after 4 weeks of being in my uterus deceased there were no fetal remains. I don't know which hurt worse. Many people took my first loss and said the very thing you said, that there was "no baby". I took that as an opportunity to educate on blighted ovum m/c and what they are. But you can choose not to tell them any details too, just say I lost my baby. That should be sufficient. :0(
To me, my little blighted ovum had a soul and is now with God in Heaven along with my 2nd little angel. Even though they didn't have bodies they had souls in my opinion and that makes them a baby.
The biggest HUGs for you. My DH was very unsupportive when I had my first loss, I know how that hurts. We are here for you!!!
Kris
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Post by mdibattista on Apr 2, 2005 12:56:22 GMT -5
Lin, Kallie, and Kris, Thank you so much for your kind words and hugs. I showed my DH what I had posted and your replies and they helped us both. God bless you all XXOOXOXOOO Maria
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Post by kurby68 on Apr 3, 2005 0:09:08 GMT -5
Maria
You are welcome. We are here whenever you need us. Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Take care Kallie
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Post by Michelle on Apr 7, 2005 8:27:21 GMT -5
Maria, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. It's so hard to understand. Mine happened three weeks ago yesterday at 11w5d and I still can't believe it happened. And like mentioned before, the biggest problem is the people who say "you were never pregnant, there was never a baby, so get over it". That's basically my boyfriend's mom's attitude. She asked me on Monday night "so are you over everything yet" and I said not really and left it at that. My mom (who suffered 3 miscarriages herself) is going around telling my family members that if there HAD been a baby it would have had down syndrome or some other problem. She makes it seem like I should be so thankful and elated that I don't have to be burdened with the "inconvenience" of having a special needs baby, so I shouldn't be sad. That doesn't really make me feel any better and I also think that it's not necessarily true. I mean if the baby didn't form because of a chromosomal abnormality, who's to say that if the abnormality wasn't there the baby would have formed. I guess nobody knows the answer to that one!
Anyway I didn't mean to go on about myself and my issues at the moment...I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in dealing with the insensitivity of others. (especially your family members who are supposed to care about you!)
I have to say that I do feel better about it than I did at first, so hang in there. It probably doesn't seem like it now but it will get better.....
Lots of love,
Michelle
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