Post by mapgirl38 on Jul 24, 2012 20:06:37 GMT -5
Hello. First, I'm sorry that you've found your way here. 4 months ago I don't think that I could have imagined needing to seek out a site like this. My boyfriend and I found out that we were pregnant in May. We were shocked, shocked and more shocked and then finally found our way to excited. We were so excited about this little baby. On June 6th at our first doctor's appointment we were dealt the blighted ovum blow with an empty sac. I didn't even know what this was 2 months ago and find myself an expert now. On June 11th at a follow up appointment we were told that this was not a viable pregnancy and that now we would wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally. I was told that it would happen within 1-2 weeks. On June 15th I was dealt a second blow when the love of my life was tragically killed in a sporting accident. Waiting to miscarry was hard enough, but now losing my partner I was devastated. It took 4 more weeks for my miscarriage to begin. I will never forget that morning waking up with some cramping and repeatedly going to the bathroom and looking for bleeding and finding nothing, until finally I got up and felt a rush of blood like never before. I tried so hard for the miscarriage to happen naturally, but after 2 days and too much blood loss, a reaction to the pain medicine leading to dehydration and passing out was told that my body could not do the miscarriage and I had a d & c. My doctor was gentle as I was so scared about this procedure, but I feel such shame in not being able to handle the pain of the miscarriage. This is on top of guilt in not being able to keep this piece of my boyfriend here for his family. I am shattered and don't know when this feeling changes. I don't have my feet on the ground yet. I'm not clear to run yet and don't know what to do with my time. I don't sleep. I'm not hungry, but know that I need to eat. I told someone yesterday that you don't realize how quickly your life can change and then change again. I'm sad that this baby finally made me realize that I want to have children and now not only do I have to deal with the loss, but I will eventually have to date again---something that I cannot imagine ever finding appealing.
Again, I'm so sorry for all of your losees.
Again, I'm so sorry for all of your losees.