Post by justinsmomma on Nov 19, 2011 11:06:41 GMT -5
I have been gone from here for a good long while. But I wanted to share something with you all, I thought it may help. I have had 4 miscarriages, and two living children. My 4th m/c happened last September after a HB was detected. I have also had one blighted ovum, one missed m/c (no HB ever detected but no u/s before 11 weeks) and a chemical PG. I am age 41 and now done with childbearing due to poor egg quality tests. I hope that someone can find comfort in what I am saying to you all. Big HUGS! HUGE epiphany today. I have had quite the year, two series of epidural injections due to chronic pain (back and neck), an ovarian cyst, lyme, a 4th miscarriage and VERY complicated D&E, marital problems you name it I let myself become so sad and a shell of what I used to be. I struggled with PTSD and depression once again, and pushed my faith way to the back of my heart. I was SO mad at God!!
Anyway I woke up on the right side of the bed today. I
literally allowed myself to dwell upon about 10 things that happened
today as they were unfolding (all for the good) except for a little
traffic jam (who knows, maybe there was more to that too) and saw God's hand in each thing. I kept turning my back on my faith this year. I felt so betrayed by a God that was supposed to be good. 9 weeks into the pregnancy, I lost skittle after seeing her heartbeat. It nearly broke me This stuff is NOT supposed to happen to someone, 4 times!! However, today, I realized, that He has once again been carrying me through all this and making things as easy as possible in spite of major obstacles (I didn't feel it! All I did was wallow and allow myself self pity b/c i was in so much pain) and honestly I didn't deserve it (I have not been the person I once was, in a lot of ways)I discovered today that God still has faith in me, and it's time for me to return the favor. I said out loud to a nice lady in the gym today, when I was complaining about my stuff that the good Lord must have a reason to keep me around. Then it dawned on me, that it's time to hope again,there must be a reason to have hope and it will be revealed once I pull my head out my backside That is all I needed, was to once again, have hope. It's been such a long journey, I am eager to feel good and happy, once again. Anyway, I just thought I would share. I am so grateful that I can see light again I hope you find your light (and hopefully a rainbow) too! Please feel free to lean on me, if needed, girls. Just send me a msg. here. As I said I am a trained Christian care minister, but I don't need to put the spiritual bent on any advice and care, if you don't feel comfortable. Obviously I am still recovering but it's been over a year and I have once again, been pulled out from under and grateful to help anyone. Everyone knows me here and they can tell ya that I mean business HUGS!!
Anyway I woke up on the right side of the bed today. I
literally allowed myself to dwell upon about 10 things that happened
today as they were unfolding (all for the good) except for a little
traffic jam (who knows, maybe there was more to that too) and saw God's hand in each thing. I kept turning my back on my faith this year. I felt so betrayed by a God that was supposed to be good. 9 weeks into the pregnancy, I lost skittle after seeing her heartbeat. It nearly broke me This stuff is NOT supposed to happen to someone, 4 times!! However, today, I realized, that He has once again been carrying me through all this and making things as easy as possible in spite of major obstacles (I didn't feel it! All I did was wallow and allow myself self pity b/c i was in so much pain) and honestly I didn't deserve it (I have not been the person I once was, in a lot of ways)I discovered today that God still has faith in me, and it's time for me to return the favor. I said out loud to a nice lady in the gym today, when I was complaining about my stuff that the good Lord must have a reason to keep me around. Then it dawned on me, that it's time to hope again,there must be a reason to have hope and it will be revealed once I pull my head out my backside That is all I needed, was to once again, have hope. It's been such a long journey, I am eager to feel good and happy, once again. Anyway, I just thought I would share. I am so grateful that I can see light again I hope you find your light (and hopefully a rainbow) too! Please feel free to lean on me, if needed, girls. Just send me a msg. here. As I said I am a trained Christian care minister, but I don't need to put the spiritual bent on any advice and care, if you don't feel comfortable. Obviously I am still recovering but it's been over a year and I have once again, been pulled out from under and grateful to help anyone. Everyone knows me here and they can tell ya that I mean business HUGS!!