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Post by ashley11 on Nov 2, 2011 12:34:48 GMT -5
I just want to start by saying those of you who have reached this point in your search to come to this place are in a hard position. I KNOW I AM THERE WITH YOU. I had a miscarriage Jan. 15 2011 and am currently 8 weeks by LMP. I had an ultrasound last week and the sac was empty. I saw nothing in the large dark circle at all. It was so hard to see my husband was so strong and I broke. The doctor stated I was early on my dates or it could miscarry. I have a follow up u/s tom. and I am lost I almost don't want to know. I still have all the pregnancy feelings but I am so scared. I read all of these great stories on-line and I am so happy for those people but at the same time I know how rare that is. The what ifs are killing me. I feel so angry when people tell me to be positive and they have never been through it or felt the pain. I feel helpless. I find alot of stories the same as mine but no update to follow. I was wondering if anyone shares my situation and what your results were.
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Post by lfischer on Nov 2, 2011 13:12:42 GMT -5
{{{Ashley}}}
First let me say welcome and that you have found a place of unconditional support and understanding. You have every right to feel the way that you do and you should allow yourself to have those feelings.
I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time of uncertainty. My story is not one that had a positive outcome after the first u/s was done. However, I was 11 weeks at the time when my BO was diagnosed. With that being said, there are women who have had the same u/s results as you and the second u/s showed a healthy baby.
Are you having any spotting? Was the sac healthy looking on the u/s? Could you possible have ovulated later? Did they do any blood tests?
Please know that we are here for you and holding your hand tight.
Hugs~ Leah
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Post by Heather (hlam) on Nov 2, 2011 13:17:13 GMT -5
I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this uncertainty again!
Generally by 8 weeks they should be able to see something. However, if you have irregular cycles and there is any chance your dates are off then it's likely that you might not be that far along.
I recently had an ultrasound done when I was 5 weeks and 5 days that showed an empty sac. So I was sent for a better scan in high risk and at 6 weeks 3 days they saw the baby and the heartbeat.
Then yesterday I went back to my doctor office for a scan at 9 weeks and 2 days and she couldn't find anything doing a vaginal and told me that my baby hadn't grown and had no heartbeat doing the abdominal......then within a few minutes found the heartbeat and said everything looked great!
I know that many things factor into how well a scan can be relied on. I would request that they test your hcg levels a couple different times to see what your hcg levels are saying. Likely with a BO they would be lower than expected and not doubling the way that they should.
Anyhow, I am sorry that you're going through this and I hope that you have some answers soon.
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Post by ashley11 on Nov 2, 2011 14:25:41 GMT -5
Thank you both so much. I find alot of comfort now in not being alone. I show no signs of spotting and feel nothing like I did last time. I was 8 weeks last time. My doctor didn't say much to me, she just said lets check again in a week when i started crying she said not to worry and that was it. she did no Hcg test only RH which I know I am not from my last one. I know my cycles pretty well but I actually hope I am off.
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Post by ashley11 on Nov 3, 2011 11:07:07 GMT -5
One hour and 20 mins. till I leave for the ultrasound. I am so unsure how to feel. I feel like I am preparing for some kind of sadness but at the same time I tell myself there is still hope. I have researched all I can research and tried to find all the information possible but I woke up this morning and told myself " it is what it is going to be and you can not change it or even of tried much else". Still no bleeding or cramping no sign or feeling of anything like last time. I have my list of questions and I feel pretty prepared. But still as fearful as ever!!
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Nov 3, 2011 11:54:26 GMT -5
I am crossing everything I can for a good outcome for you. I am so sorry you are going through this. We are all here for you. (((HUGS)))
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Post by ashley11 on Nov 3, 2011 14:10:26 GMT -5
I just got back from the follow up and the sac had only grown about 1 mm and no baby so I will miscarry in the next week possibly. I asked the doctor everything from possibility now to why to changes for the future. The sac had changed from a circle to an ovalish shape. So now it is a waiting game. With no growth there is such little hope that I guess it is better to know than to wait.
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Post by carlsangel on Nov 3, 2011 14:56:33 GMT -5
I'm so sorry:( I hope things resolve quickly and you find healing soon! Hugs& prayers!
~Hannah~
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Post by lfischer on Nov 3, 2011 16:23:33 GMT -5
I'm so very sorry
Many hugs and prayers~ Leah
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Post by Heather (hlam) on Nov 3, 2011 16:26:44 GMT -5
I am very sorry! Sending hugs and prayers!
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Post by ashley11 on Nov 4, 2011 11:33:18 GMT -5
Well this morning I woke up to slight cramping and some spotting. I almost feel like this would of happen sooner but it took the doctor telling me for my body to react. I know that sounds crazy but its weird. I have not cried much this morning but this time I feel much more informed and find a small amount of comfort in knowing what to expect the 2nd time around. The phone calls have begun to role in and sometimes that makes it hard to break the news. We didn't tell as many people this time but so many people are excited for us to have kids so those who know word spreads fast. I think the hardest thing of all is telling those people who you didn't even originally tell. Both times now I have more and more people tell me stories about those who have been through it or know of someone going through it. It seems even more common than I thought. Maybe we are all more common than we thought. For once I want to be the average story and follow the statistics of what is found to be the outcome. Maybe third times the charm!! I am so thankful for all of your support and caring. This is such an emotional situation. I have a friend going through fertility issues and I think of her often and wonder if some how she has found a place like this where she can find a community of caring. There is so much comfort in not feeling alone. I hope the next couple days are a quick process and no D&C or future medical is needed, but as before only time will tell!! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!
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Post by lfischer on Nov 4, 2011 13:51:01 GMT -5
Thinking of you, Ashley.
Tight hugs~ Leah
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Nov 5, 2011 10:51:27 GMT -5
I am so sorry that things didn't go better. Everytime a new woman has to find us I want to cry. I hope everything goes as easy as it can for you. (((HUGS)))
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Post by ashley11 on Nov 17, 2011 12:02:38 GMT -5
So it has been 13 days of bleeding. I am now just spotting more or less but I am sure that the worst is over. My husband and I have been drawn even closer and after the last one I didn't think that was possible. I am so thankful to have the support of him and also the support of these wonderful women on here. Family is a huge part of my life and they have been so helpful. The Holidays are upon us and that gives me something to look forward to. I have a friend who got pregnant the same time as me and it is exciting to watch and support her. She was so fearful that I would not want to be around her. But I would not wish this upon anyone it is one of the biggest emotional roller coasters I have ever been on in my life. I have started to read the new posts and supporting them seems to be so consoling. Thank you for the support this ride is over but I know now that if I ever have to got through this horrible experience again that there is support and I am not alone.
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Nov 17, 2011 22:36:51 GMT -5
I find helping other women on this site healing too. The ladies on this site have supported me through my loss, TTC and through the emotional rollercoaster that is pregnancy after a loss. I am glad you are doing well and the physical part is almost over. We are here to support you anytime you need us at any point in your journey to having a child. I will tell you that I had one loss before my oldest son and more than one before my youngest so I have never had a baby without a loss. I am now TTC for number 3 and even though I am so scared of another loss I know the end result is worth everything I have go through to get my baby. I think of my lost little ones all the time but no longer with the all encompasing pain it was at first. (((HUGS)))
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Post by justinsmomma on Nov 19, 2011 10:57:10 GMT -5
Big HUGS so sorry for your losses. Have you thought of having testing? I did, after my 2nd loss and we found something that we could fix and I had my 2nd rainbow.
Thinking of you!! Glad you and your husband could draw closer after all this!
HUGS
Kris
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Post by ashley11 on Dec 9, 2011 17:16:08 GMT -5
We have had some basic testing done. My husbands testosterone and his levels all check fine. They checked my progesterone, thyroid, and prolactin levels and everything is perfect. So They said I was a smoker for years and maybe that could of caused issues. I have a follow up appt. in a week and we will see.
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Post by ashley11 on Apr 6, 2012 10:36:28 GMT -5
So 5 months have gone by and all has been okay. I have had 4 normal periods. I woke up this morning to horrible cramps and heavy bleeding. I made me very unsettled since this has been uncommon since the BO. We have not been directly TTC but not stopping it either. DH has gone back to his old job due to more money offered and I find myself feeling a little alone more than normal. The questions have begun from people asking when we are going to TTC. I almost feel like they want me to give a date but I don't know what to tell them. Time has passed but I don't want to put any deadlines on anything. I feel it would make it even harder and more pressure on what I am already unsure about. I do want to try but I don't want to go through it all again. The uncertainty makes me question myself. I have never felt that way ever. I have always been successful in all I try and now one of the biggest joys in life makes me feel that my body is incapable and if there is a 3rd BO what happens then. I go circles in my mind. DH is very supportive and I am sure he wonders the same. When will we TRY? When will I feel comfort in trying? When will I know? How will it all turn out? WHAT IFS. I am back to them again and I don't know what to think. I was just wondering if anyone in here has felt this way since and what helped them to take that next step?
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Post by carlsangel on Apr 6, 2012 14:28:49 GMT -5
I guess everyone is different in the way they handle grief. For me, TTC as soon as possible after a miscarriage was the only way to feel better. Even after 2 life threatening miscarriages in a 6 month period, I was still determined to get that healthy baby I had wanted....even if it meant going through another loss. I suppose for some fear paralyzes and for others it motivates? I think it is good that you have given yourself time to heal...you will know when you are ready to start trying again. I think it is when the desire for a baby outweighs the fears of losing one. Give yourself more time if you have to. No one has the right to pit you on a schedule. I will be praying for you!
~Hannah~
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Post by daffylexer on Apr 7, 2012 23:45:41 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your losses. Losing one baby is hard enough, but two or more just becomes all that much more cruel. I, too, had to start trying immeadiatly as it was the only way I found comfort, but everyone is different. There have been many women here who needed time before it felt right for them, and when it comes down to it, you need to take as much time as you need. No one can put a finger on the moment when we're supposed to stop grieving and just get on with it. It's not that simple. When it feels right for both you and your husband, you'll start tyring. Until then, let yourselves grieve. As for when people ask you about it, you can flip it back on them by asking why they need to know, or just simply say "we'll try when we're ready and we're not ready yet." As for when you'll know, I think it's just something you feel when it's right. I nearly stopped trying after my second loss, but knew deep inside that the joy of having a another baby was worth the risk of another loss. It's hard bouncing back after a second loss, especially when it's the second time in a row. But you will. Just allow yourself the time and one day you'll wake up and know it's okay to start trying again.
Big hugs! Alexa
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Post by ashley11 on Apr 9, 2012 11:45:56 GMT -5
Thank you both so much. I have days where trying seems to be the right idea and then I have days that I feel a little more down. The 2nd one has been a longer toll emotionally. But I feel like I need to give my body the best shot at it not happening again. I have started to do some research and find out what options there are. The doctor gave me a progesterone cream to try when trying others have said baby aspirin and herbal options. Has anyone tried some of these options? Have they worked?
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Post by daffylexer on Apr 17, 2012 15:34:19 GMT -5
Ashely, when I lost my first baby I turned to accupuncture and traditional chinese medicine. I had tried for 15 months to get pregnant only to have it end in a b/o. My accupunturist recommended a book called "The Intefertility Cure" which basically helped me better understand traditional chinese medicine and my body from that perspective. I started accupuncture in June and found out 3 months later I was pregnant with my oldest son.
If you have any questions about it, feel free to PM me or email me (daffylexer@gmail.com). I can't get to the boards as often as I'd like to, so email is probably the better way to get in touch.
Alexa
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Post by ashley11 on Sept 14, 2012 17:17:00 GMT -5
So wanted to update. It has been some time now and I had been having some abdominal pains. I went ti see my Ob due to the pain being lower in my abdomen. He completed a trans-vaginal ultrasound and low and be hold I have Polycystic ovarian syndrome. It was not there after my last ultrasound after miscarriage. He feels possibly my ovulation cycle has been having issues this entire time but not showing on basic blood work completed. Now i feel as tho at least I have some link to possibly why I have had 2 BO but at the same time I have more questions about treatment for PCOS. My doctor recommended Clomid to try to boost and regulate ovulation. The research I have done shows it is a common treatment I was wondering if anyone had insight into this or has taken Clomid?
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