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Post by dizzy0910 on Aug 22, 2011 14:08:41 GMT -5
I thought I should be over this by now... on 17th april my 12 week scan showed a blighted ovum. I had discovered I was pregnant a few weeks earlier, completely unplanned and me and bf no longer together so it was difficult. But even though he reacted badly I had got my head around it and was actually excited- really looking forward and I had just began to tell my closest family and friends. the night before baby daddy called to say he wouldnt go to scan and during conversation said he wished the scan would show there was nothing there. I don't think i'll ever forgive him for that... his wish came true. I couldn't see the screen but i saw my mum's face and i knew something was wrong and the rest of that day is a blur. I went back to work the next day and carried on as if nothing happened. I bled about 5 days later. I feel so much guilt for not finding out i was pregnant so late on and then for feeling so gutted about something I barely knew i had and hadn't planned for. what's worse is that the few people that do know don't speak about it and I have felt so alone. Sometimes like today, it just catches up with me and I feel so sad - I just keep thinking I should be 7 months pregnant.
How do I move on?
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Aug 23, 2011 19:14:46 GMT -5
I am sorry you had to find us and I wish I had answers for you but even though the pain will fade and you will go longer stretches without thinking of it. I think of my losses at least once a day (usually more) but it doesn't cause the gut wrenching pain it used to. I still get sad but not anything close to how I used to feel. For example my sitter was talking about the difference in her son from 8yrs to now at 10 (her DD is 8 and we were discussing how fast they would change now) and it popped into my head that I should have a child in the same grade a little older than him. All you can do is be patient with yourself and do what you have to do for you. For some of us we have something to commemorate our babies some have necklaces, or a garden ornament, others get something like an angel for each angel baby. Afew months ago I wrote a letter to each of my angels and then I bought a tree and planted my letters underneath. Other things like getting a massage, a facial or a mani/pedi can help. The biggest thing it sounds like you need to do is forgive yourself. Nothing you did could have changed what happened. My first loss the dad was abusive and at first I did not want the baby because I didn't want it to have a dad like that but after a few days I accepted it and got excited. From that moment on (just over 4wks pg) I did everything right and at almost 13 wks lost the baby and for a long time I blamed those first days after I found out. If it makes you feel better my second pregnancy I didn't find out until almost 12 wks and had drank a couple times and smoked the whole time and DS was born healthy and is now 8. Most of us wish we had a why (some know but most don't) it seems so unfair and we all had and sometimes still have moments we get angy, sad or even resentful. I hated all pregnant women after my loss and seeing women in a store or on the news that obviously did not deserve children almost made me homicidal.
You will feel better someday. It would help to have someone to talk to about it but alot of us have found that for some reason people are uncomfertable talking about m/c. If there is someone you trust you could start the conversation and let them know you need to talk about it to heal (if you think talking about it would help we all heal different I am a talker). I just want to say one more time forgive yourself there is nothing you did to cause your loss! Take care. We are here for you when you need us. (((HUGS)))
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Post by venusapollo on Aug 29, 2011 14:53:11 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are going through this. I can totally relate as I am still going through it and wanting so badly to feel that excitement again. I have seen women everywhere lately with babies and bellies and it is so hard not to throw a pity party for myself. I keep telling myself this happened for a reason and that the next time around will be better, but it is not easy to stay positive. Talking to friends and family has helped, surrounding myself with fun, supportive people who take my mind off it and make life worth living. Writing in a journal may help, or putting things on your calendar to look forward to, no matter how small, thinking of a positive future might be helpful. I think we just do our best to hang in there and be gentle with ourselves, letting time help us heal. *hugs*
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