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Post by jenniea on Aug 15, 2011 9:25:33 GMT -5
Hi, new to the forum, but I've been using this website for information after I was diagnosed with B/O. Sorry for all of your losses and what you are going through. I am right here with you.
Diagnosed with B/O on August 1st, I think I should have been about 8 weeks along. So, I've been waiting to miscarry naturally since that day and have not had any cramping or bleeding. I started throwing up yesterday. I do not have a fever, so I think it might be my nerves. I really wanted to do this naturally but I'm having a tough time moving on. I have a dr's appt today at 2:00 and am going to talk to them about my options. I've only been at work for 4 days since the diagnosis. I called in again today. This is adding additional stress, as my husband and I both need to work to make ends meet and it is a small company and another women I work with found out that her husband has brain cancer and has a year to live, and so I feel bad about feeling so sorry for myself. She's been at work every day since they found out and I feel like people are like, "why aren't you at work when she can handle it just fine?" I guess I just needed to vent, and get some advice on where to go from here, and confirmation that it is okay to feel crazy and upset and not know what to do next.
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Post by alspals13 on Aug 15, 2011 16:00:19 GMT -5
It is completely okay to feel crazy, upset, sad, and any other emotions you are feeling. Just because someone tells you feel a certain way does not mean you will feel that way. And you're right, what the woman at work is going through is hell, it is horrible, and something we all hope to never have to go through. BUT, that does not dictate how you should be dealing with a loss in your own life. Let all of your emotions out and feel what you need to feel now so you ARE able to move on in the future!! Update us on your doctor's appointment....hopefully the throwing up was just nerves and your body getting ready to miscarry. I'll be thinking of you
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Post by jenniea on Aug 15, 2011 17:55:08 GMT -5
Thank you so much for responding to my post. I think the vomiting was just nerves and maybe some hcg still jolting around in my veins. I just feel like everyone around me is expecting me to be strong and just get through this and move on. It's hard to do when I still feel pregnant, I've woken up with sore breasts, get morning sickness, feel tired and I am seriously peeing almost every 25 minutes. I must say the ultrasound tech and my midwife have been absolutely amazing through this and if they could come over every day, it would be a lot better. But I think they wanted me to come to the decision to get a D&C on my own. So after my scan today, and again not seeing a miracle baby growing in that empty sack, my midwife went ahead and set the appointment. Luckily it is for tomorrow at 1:00 but I have to get there at 11:00. I am scared, but I'm ready to move forward and my husband is ready to try again. I text messaged my boss while I was waiting to hear back from the surgery center to see if we could get in tomorrow and all he said was "K." I just think maybe I need a new job too. Again, thank you so much for your response. I moved to the area my husband is from and still working on making friends and his family is great, but my parents are so far away. I really appreciate having a place to talk with people who understand what I am going through.
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Post by existential27 on Aug 15, 2011 18:10:04 GMT -5
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you are feeling, and it's unfortunate if people are not being more understanding. People cope with loss in different ways-- some by going on as if nothing has happened, others by falling apart, and others somewhere in between. That is sad about the other woman's husband, but her situation does not make your loss any less important.
I'm assuming you already went to your doctor's appointment. Your options basically would come down to waiting longer for things to start on their own, taking medication to speed the process along, or having a D&C. It's hard to know when a natural miscarriage will start-- for some women, it never does, and they need some form of intervention. I do worry more when women haven't started miscarrying by 12 + weeks-- the risk of complications like heavy bleeding or infection can go up. I'm sure doctors have their own personal limits on how long they are comfortable with letting a woman wait to miscarry naturally-- some more comfortable with longer times than others.
An ultrasound would show if things are starting to break down-- one sign of impending miscarriage. Also, dropping hcg levels are another sign.
I am really sorry you are going through this, but grateful you found this board. How to proceed is a personal decision, and no one way is necessarily better than another. Ultimately, the physical part is usually not the hardest part. It's the emotional part. But, know that you will get through this, and you have found an excellent place for support along the way.
KC
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Post by alspals13 on Aug 15, 2011 18:16:22 GMT -5
It sounds like your appointment went really well and they comforted you in a way nobody else has been able to. How you proceed now is completely up to you and your comfort level (along with the Dr's opinions). I am so happy for you that after making the decision for a D/C, they were able to get you in so quick, tomorrow!! That means, tomorrow, you will be able to start moving on emotionally hopefully because the physical part will be out of you.
I can not personally speak to a D/C as I miscarried naturally, but I have read many other women's stories on here and I am sure if you search through posts, you will be comforted by their experiences. I wish you the best of luck and will continue to check back in on you!
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Post by jenniea on Aug 16, 2011 10:00:29 GMT -5
Again, thank you for responding to my post. I am really feeling better now that I know I have a safe place to vent my worries, feelings and frustrations.
I have my surgery today at 1:00 but I have to get there at 11:00. My parents in law are going to take me and my sister in law is going to meet us there. My parents are going to drive up today, about a 5 hour drive, and will stay with me tonight and probably tomorrow.
At this point I still feel a little guilty for not waiting for this to pass naturally, but I don't think I would miscarry naturally. My body really wants to protect this baby, but the baby isn't there any more. I hope the baby forgives me for doing this and not waiting anymore. I know the baby isn't there so it's silly for me to feel that way, but I'm sure some of you will understand.
My husband is at work today and I'm sad he isn't coming with me, but we deal with grief and anger in different ways. The work gets his mind off of things, but I can't help but feel just a little resentful of his ability to not think about it. I will get past that, I hope once this is done and once I can move on.
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Post by existential27 on Aug 16, 2011 17:05:09 GMT -5
There's nothing wrong with having a D&C-- you have had 2 ultrasounds that confirmed the diagnosis. As you say, you may be one of those women for whom it wasn't going to happen naturally, and I'm sure your little angel baby would want you to do what is best for you.
Most men do seem to respond similar to your husband. They just don't develop an attachment to the pregnancy as quickly as we women do. My husband was more concerned about me and my emotional state-- to this day, I don't think he would say we lost a baby. It just didn't affect him that way, and I doubt he even thinks about it anymore. I'm not saying that's a bad thing-- sometimes, all I want is to not think about it anymore, but I know I will never forget. Over time, the hurt of my loss has become less and less prominent in my mind, and I am grateful for the opportunity to reach out to others who have losses.
It's wonderful you have your parents and in-laws to support you. Only my husband knew about my pregnancy and loss, and sometimes I regret never telling my family.
I hope your procedure went smoothly, and you will have an easy physical recovery. Know that most BOs are a fluke, and there's no reason to think you won't have a successful pregnancy in the future. While it can be very scary to be pregnant again once you have had a loss, it is worth facing that fear. I'm glad I did and have my beautiful DS.
KC
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Post by alspals13 on Aug 16, 2011 18:22:45 GMT -5
I've been thinking about you all day hoping the surgery went well and you're feeling better (physically and emotionally). Hopefully when your husband returns home from work he can be there to support you in the way you need. Luckily you will have your family around you to support you. I have strong hopes that you will be able to move forward after today and gain hope in the wonders of making a baby!!
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Post by jenniea on Aug 17, 2011 5:52:07 GMT -5
Hi Everyone,
We got back from the D&C around 6:00 pm and I've been resting, but can't sleep any more. I want to let you know that everything went okay and although I was scared, it was not as scary as I thought it would be. Again, I think it makes all the difference in the world that I had a wonderful, support forum, dr's and midwives and nurses to help guide me through this. I've heard horror stories of women who have gone through this without doctors who seem to be as compassionate or willing to take time to explain options and my heart really goes out to them.
I am already feeling so much better mentally and emotionally. Physically, I can feel some cramping and where my legs meet my body on the inner thighs are a bit sore (?) my throat is also sore from the breathing tube and it is still a burns a bit when I pee, from where they had the catheter. I am not bleeding too bad, but the pads I bought for after I got home seem too thick and were making my leg area more sore. So luckily I have these ultra thin over nighters that are much more comfortable. It is not bad, and knowing that at this point I can heal and my family and I can move forward is really comforting.
My husband was at home by the time I got here and brought me flowers, bless his heart. I did have to request that he stop working at home and just sit with me for a while. He said he was sorry that he didn't come to the hospital, but I think he's just really been scared. Guys just show emotion so differently, or react to emotion so differently.
I think I will keep posting to this thread with updates and hopefully now that I've gone through this I can offer support to others as well.
Thank you all so much for responding to my post and thinking about me today. I am so thankful.
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Post by alspals13 on Aug 17, 2011 18:36:11 GMT -5
So happy for you and your family!!! Glad to hear the good news and to know you're on your way to recovery
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Aug 19, 2011 2:18:47 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your. I cyber met the ladies on this site when I was still recovering from my loss and even though we all met under horrible conditions we are all friends here. All these ladies are so helpful and supportive with everything they (we) are all here to listen, support an help. Offering support to women going through this has helped me so much. It makes me feel like there was a purpose to my loss and hopefully it can help you too. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. (((HUGS)))
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