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Post by stillwaiting on Apr 24, 2011 16:51:09 GMT -5
I would like to hear from everyone on how you coped up with multiple miscarriages. I had my first miscarriage about 2 years ago. I was able to come to terms with the loss and I moved on. After a few months I conceived again and one of my relatives also conceived around the same time. I miscarried at 7 weeks and she went on with a healthy pregnancy. A few months later I had my third miscarriage. Its been more than 6 months now and I still can't get over it. I am upset all the time. I cannot bear to hear about my relative's baby. I don't like seeing the newborn's pictures or talking to my relative. I feel angry when I hear about her. She is in no way responsible for my losses but I can't stand her. In fact I can't stand any of my pregnant friends or their babies. I have shut myself up. I keep hoping I will get out of it but it just doesn't seem that way. With every passing day the pain of my losses seems to get unbearable. My husband does not seem to feel this way. He has no difficulty meeting families with newborns and enjoys time with all kids. He says we just have to accept things and move on. But to me it seems like he is indifferent towards my feelings and does not feel bad about our losses. I wonder am I the only one taking so long to accept things? Am I crazy? Shouldn't have I coped up with the losses by now? I would like your advise on how to get past this phase. How did you convince yourself to move on?
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Post by rita828 on Apr 24, 2011 21:41:11 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I wish I could give you some insight but I have had one miscarriage. I can tell you that it took me months to get over the miscarriage. It's been almost 5 yrs since we had our m/c and there is still hardly a day that goes by that I don't think about the baby we lost.
A lot of my friends got pregnant the same time I did and it was so difficult being around them. Just know what you are feeling is completely normal.
Hang in there and I will keep you in my prayers.
Anita
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Apr 24, 2011 21:53:27 GMT -5
I never really got over it. I just sort of made myself get by day after day and after a while I did feel better but to be honest I didn't really heal until I was holding a new baby. I also talked to someone. The ladies on here helped alot too. Just know that how you are feeling is normal and we all experienced reactions that were different. Unfortunately there is no magic answer for how to heal. Each of us did different things and each of us took different amounts of time. I think of my lost babies every day once in a while I even get a bit angry about it because I am sure my lost babies were my girls (don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade my boys in for anything). Take care of yourself and know we are here for you when you need us. (((HUGS)))
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Post by mzr on Apr 25, 2011 15:16:00 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are feeling so sad and resentful. Like Lisa and Anita said, I think these are perfectly normal feelings that we can all relate too. Especially after your experience of 3 losses in such a short period of time. Of course, rationally, you understand that it has nothing to do with anyone else but feels are anything but rational. After my first loss, I had some complications and that added to my anger and frustration. And, I had 8 friends get pregnant in the months it took me to get pg again. I hated seeing pg women, dreaded phone calls and emails from friends I loved because I was so afraid they'd tell me they were pg. And, to be honest, even 4 years later with a beautiful 3 year old and another on the way in 2 months (plus another loss), like Anita, I still think about the babies I lost. And some days, when I find myself being especially anxious during my pregnancy or overprotective of my son at the playground, I get so frustrated with myself because this isn't the type of mom I thought I'd be. And I'm still envious of my friends who had healthy pregnancies and babies and live with their innocence.
So, no, you are not crazy. You are hurt and frustrated by the cards you have been dealt. And, with time, and hopefully a healthy pregnancy in your future, the pain will subside though I don't think it ever goes away entirely. And that is normal. And it is not uncommon either for DH or even another women in the same situation to have a different reaction. We are all unique and respond differently to life's curveballs. If you feel like your sadness and grief is affecting your life too much or you feel "stuck" with your feelings, I would agree that it may help for you to talk to a professional. Not because there is anything wrong with you but because I think these kinds of traumatic life experiences can cause post-traumatic stress disorders in some of us that we are unequipped to handle on our own. (I was actually diagnosed with post-traumatic anxiety disorder.) And you should not and do not have to suffer alone.
We are always here if you need us. Hugs, Marisa
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Post by stillwaiting on Apr 25, 2011 16:36:34 GMT -5
Thanks Anita, Lisa and Marisa. Its really comforting to hear I am not alone and not the only one going through this. I've never been such a cry baby and what I am now is just not me.
I feel really encouraged with your words. We are trying now and hopefully my next pregnancy would bring me luck.
You are right, the pain never goes away completely. With time I might just get used to living with the pain.
Thanks a lot for your prayers and best wishes.
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Post by mzr on Apr 26, 2011 13:02:40 GMT -5
Good luck with the TTCing! I don't know how you feel about supplements but vitamin B-complex (which you can buy over-the-counter) may help you. Some studies suggest that B6 is a good vitamin for mood and B12 is folic acid so that's always good for women. Plus, B vitamins are water soluble so you cannot overdose if you are already getting them from your diet. You will get thru this. Maybe the pain won't go away entirely, but you will have good days along with these bad ones and I think that's what makes "living with the pain" bearable. And, if you need us, we are here for you always. Take care, Marisa
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Post by cheri on Apr 29, 2011 13:03:58 GMT -5
I am not sure you age-but usually after 3 they will give you some testing to try and determine what is going on. Many women here have had more than one miscarriage and went on to have successful PGs. I had two myself and then a successful PG at age 40. I would recommend getting some testing done-possibly with an RE.
What you are feeling is normal. I already had two DD but after my second miscarriage I felt like a failure and cried after I saw the new babies at church. The best thing I can tell you is prayer and to try to take it one day at a time-sometimes one hour at a time.
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Post by stillwaiting on May 4, 2011 8:36:22 GMT -5
Thanks for your encouragement. I am taking 400mcg of folic acid in addition to prenatal vitamins (which has 800mcg).
I am 29 years old. I have got all tests done including tests for clotting, infections and chromosome analysis for me and husband. Everything came back normal. This time doc said she would give me progestrone pills once I conceive. Are suppositories better than pills? Should I insist on suppositories?
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Post by mzr on May 4, 2011 12:45:44 GMT -5
I know it may feel frustrating to get "normal" results but still have losses but the good news is that you can conceive and I'm sure that it's just a matter of getting the right sperm to meet the right egg for you. I've never heard of prog pills, everyone I've known has used suppositories so I can't answer that question. I'm sorry. One more thought that was recommended to me after my last loss. A naturopath friend of mine recommended Estrotone pills. I bought them from Amazon.com. She said that they help to regulate female hormones and, even though marketed to pre-menopausal women, she took them herself before TTCing for each of her 3 kiddos. I took them for 2 months (after TTCing for 5 months unsuccessfuly after my chem pg and 9 months of TTCing in total). During my TTCing and especially after my loss, my AF was all messed up - varying lengths, even the color was weird. I started charting when I started the estrotone too and I got pg after the 2nd cycle. I'm not saying it was entirely the pills but it did make me at least feel, like I've said before, like I was actually DOING something the help my body rather than just trying to trust it. Thinking of you! M
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Post by arkoch on May 9, 2011 20:59:02 GMT -5
Like the other ladies said, what you are feeling is normal. We all react to our losses differently. I had 4 miscarriages before I was able to concieve my daughter. I too, had all the testing done and everything came back normal. I remember being mad that there wasn't anything that I could blame the losses on, yet relieved that there wasn't something so wrong that I would never be able to have children. For me, I was working night shift while I had all 4 of my miscarriages. After my 4th, my doctor finally said I needed to get a day shift job. I did, and one month later concieved my daughter. Ever since she was born I wasn't sure if it truely was because my body was off due to my shift work, or if it was just a fluke... but I'm now pregnant with my second, with no problems. So it makes me wonder. As for the progesterone, typically the suppositories come with less side effects because the progesterone is concentrated where it needs to be, near the uterus, instead of going through the whole body. So you can probably request the suppositories vs pills, but overall, it will give you the same help. Good luck with trying to concieve. You always have a support system here. ~Alisha
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Post by nuenuey on May 11, 2011 1:33:45 GMT -5
this is all so new to me. it was a surprise that i was happy about, when i found out i was already six weeks, but the ultra sound showed nothing , needless to say at 8 weeks i misscarried! nothing never showed on ultra sound. i have never felt so alone in my life, just looking at the empty sac made me cry!i cant believe how cold people can be, they keep saying things like there was no baby in your sac, it never developed! i know but i felt a loss anyway! it was my first time being preggers! what a horrible experience that ended in a D&E, my fiance was very supportive! but i still felt so alone. and i still do, mothers day was a few days ago and it would have been my first mothers day exspecting my first child. instead i dropped roses at the marina into the water i cryed so harddddddd, but i must say i feel better! any advice is much needed i have no one to talk to about this!
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Post by mzr on May 12, 2011 6:52:11 GMT -5
Oh Nuenuey, I am so sorry for your loss. And, yes, so close to mother's day. That is so terrible. Regardless of how new the pregnancy was for you, from the moment many of us find out we are pregnant, or even before when we first considered trying to conceive, our hearts transform into that of a mother's. We think about this life that we will raise and love. So, your feelings are normal, your sadness completely understandable. And, you have come to a wonderful place for support. You are not alone. We are here to offer friendship and compassion. You are right that people can be cold, especially in the medical field. For them, because losses are so common, i think many healthcare providers get desensitized. But this is a new experience for you and I am sorry that those around you have hurt your feelings. I think you did a wonderful thing for yourself and your baby by dropping roses into the water. Do not try to suppress your feelings. They are real. And your baby was real too. Even if it never developed into someone you could hold in your arms, the idea of that baby and of the future was and is real too.
Many of us have experienced multiple losses (my first pregnancy was also a BO like yours) and we have gone on to have healthy children so please do not lose hope.
We are here if you need us, Marisa
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Post by nuenuey on May 14, 2011 2:20:34 GMT -5
Thank you for your kind wordss. I feel so blessed to have come across. this web site. its. my only support. I am taking it one day at a time. I notice its harder at night time when I'm laying in bed. I'm just holding on
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Post by mzr on May 17, 2011 8:15:49 GMT -5
Yes, nighttime can be the worst time for many of us. When it's just you and your thoughts in the dark. For several months after our first loss, I slept with the music on just to drown out the sound of my thoughts. And there are some days when I have to take it "one minute at a time" or else I will explode. I hope you find strength and encouragement here to help you thru the tough nights as you really are not alone and everything you are saying is part of the normal grieving process.
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on May 17, 2011 23:03:40 GMT -5
I found nights worse too. In fact I signed up on this site because I was surfing the net in the middle of the night for some sort of answer. When I found this site I found what I was looking for. Every loss hurts. I had two chemical pregnancies (when you m/c before a pregnancy is observable by u/s) and even though I lost them before I knew I pg (my dr. did blood tests when I was late and by the time the results were back positive I was already bleeding) it tore my heart out each time. We are here to support both of you anytime you need us.
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Post by carmenivy on May 28, 2011 13:55:49 GMT -5
stillwaiting - I SO remember feeling like you do. Pregnant women and babies upset me so much. I had a friend who was due around that same time I had been, and I avoided her. Even though I have gone on to have two more children, I still feel sad when looking at pictures of her child on Facebook. It's seems petty, but it's a reminder of your pain and it's nothing you should feel bad about. Miscarriages are crappy, there's no way around it.
Do what makes you happy, and do your best to enjoy your life. Even if it takes a long time for you to become pregnant again, please be happy in the meantime. Many women on here have said that they did not become pregnant again until they finally just "let go" of the pain (not of the memory of your baby, of course) and began to live their lives again. It's hard, but it can be done.
Big hugs! Keep us updated.
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Post by stillwaiting on Sept 2, 2011 20:12:38 GMT -5
Hi everyone, Well, I am pregnant again and had an u/s today. As per my calculation I should be 7 weeks and 5 days but the u/s showed a baby at 6 weeks and 6 days and the heart beat was at 161. I haven't spoken to my doc yet but I am worried that the baby is a week behind and also 161 seemed a little high for a baby at 6 weeks and 6 days. Does anyone know anything about this??
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Sept 3, 2011 9:34:06 GMT -5
The HB can be high that doesn't really matter I don't think. As for being a week behind I was a week behind with my last pg with DS and the Dr. said between ovulating just a couple days after you thought and implantation time it was nothing to worry about. You saw a HB that is a positive thing! I know how hard it is but just try to take things one day at a time. My mantra with each of my pgs was today I am pg I will worry about tomorrow then and I will enjoy today! Keep us posted.
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Post by empower on Oct 10, 2011 20:23:37 GMT -5
Hi Stillwaiting Just checking in to see how your pg is progressing With both my pg, I was 2 weeks out from the date I thought I was so don't worry about that Can't wait to hear how you're going Hugs
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