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Post by bangladesh10 on Nov 29, 2010 18:35:18 GMT -5
My boyfriend and I went in for our first ultrasound last Tuesday at what would have been 8 weeks. I was really excited and nervous. As I sat there I could see from the Dr.’s face that something was wrong. Even beforehand, when he was asking me about my symptoms he seemed concerned. I had had really strong heart palpitations almost immediately after conceiving and breast tenderness but they had stopped at about 6 weeks. He told us I had an empty gestational sac. I keep remembering looking at the horrible black hole on the ultrasound pictures. The past week has been pretty hard. I wasn’t even sure if I should go back for the followup ultrasound since I am 100% positive on my dates. Like I said, I had symptoms almost immediately and I had a very dark line on my pregnancy test 4 days before my missed period. I had had no bleeding at all or cramps so even though I wasn’t having any symptoms, the lack of bleeding reassured me I was OK. I go back in tomorrow to see the empty sac again, and am scheduled for the d&c the following day. I just wanted to share my story. I’m spending hours reading through these boards and it is helpful. This is my first pregnancy. I just turned 33. We are both concerned we won’t be able to have a child and are wishing we’d started sooner. We want to try again as soon as possible, the waiting will be excruciating. I just hope there are no complications with the D/C.
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Nov 29, 2010 21:11:46 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that sharing our stories has helped you. We are all on this site to get support and to give it. Many of us had no signs of mc when we found out we had a BO which can sometimes make it hard to believe it is real.
Many of us had a mc during our first pg and went on to have a successful pg after. I had a loss between each pg so please don't think that what you are going through now is a sign that you will never have a child. There are many women on this site that were over 30 when they conceived (including me) and went on to have a healthy baby. If you go by statisics the odds of a second loss are low. Please take care of yourself. We are here for yo whenever you need us (((HUGS)))
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Post by existential27 on Nov 29, 2010 21:36:33 GMT -5
I'm really sorry you are going through this. It's good you are having the second ultrasound-- while you may not have doubts now, those doubts could definitely creep in later. I also was very sure of my dates when I had my BO, but started miscarrying before I ever made it to the follow-up ultrasound, so there was my confirmation.
I think we all know here how heart-wrenching it is to look at an empty sac. Assuming nothing has changed, you really don't have to look at it again if you don't want to. Or, you could take the opportunity to say goodbye to this little one.
I didn't start trying to have kids until I was 32. I was definitely scared about not being able to have kids due to age. Luckily, I easily conceived my DD within a few months, and she was born just after our 1st wedding anniversary. Then I had my BO when DD was 1 year old, and those fears crept back in again. Despite my fears, I needed to try again. I found out I was pregnant with DS on my 35th birthday.
Sadly, miscarriage is very common at any age-- I have seen numbers as high as 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, many early on, before some women even knew they were pregnant. So, don't beat yourself up about not starting sooner. There's no reason for you not to be hopeful now. Most women truly do go on to have successful pregnancies after a loss. Believe it will happen for you, too.
If you do have a D&C, complications are rare. I was kind of surprised myself about how quick it was, and how quickly the physical part was over. The only thing I had was a sore throat for a day or two, nothing else. I guess in a way it's good the physical part is simple, because the emotional part can be very hard. But, you will get through it, and have found a wonderful place for support along the way.
My thoughts are with you!! Big hugs!!
KC
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Post by mzr on Nov 30, 2010 6:52:30 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss. My first BO was also my first pregnancy and I remember having almost the exact same experience as you are describing when we went to the doctor's office for our first ultrasound. Like the other ladies have said, you have come to a great place for support and comfort. We have all been in similar situations to yours and we understand the pain, anger, and grief that you are feeling. It is totally normal. Please try to be gentle with yourself. It is not your fault that you had this loss. Miscarriages are common. As KC said, up to 30% of pregnancies miscarry in the first trimester. I've actually read that 75% of conceptions miscarry if you include those women who miscarry before they even know they are pregnant. So you are definitely not alone. And, yes, while age increases your risks for having a miscarriage, that risk is less than 1% greater than the risk for a 20 year old so, really, it has little to do with your age and more to do with the combination of the egg and the sperm. And that combination was out of your control. I was almost 30 when I had my first BO and 7 months later, 2 days after the due date of that baby, I found out I was pg again and I now have a beautiful almost-3 year old. I had a second loss earlier this spring but am now pregnant again at almost 34. So, while it is really hard right now, your wounds are fresh, just take it one day at a time and now that there is always hope - as the women on this site can attest to. And we are here for you anytime you need us.
Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone, Marisa
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Post by bangladesh10 on Nov 30, 2010 13:14:29 GMT -5
Thank you so much for your kind replies. It really helps. I'm off to the Dr. in 2 hours, I hope I don't break down and cry in front of everyone. This morning I looked in the mirror and it seemed I'd sprouted a bunch of new wrinkles. I guess stress can do that to you
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Post by mzr on Nov 30, 2010 13:24:17 GMT -5
Take care! And don't worry about the tears. I think I went thru an entire box of tissues at the doctor's office the day I got the news about my BO. "Better out than in" my therapist would say. And, as for the wrinkles, I started coloring my hair after my BO too. Not sure if it's age or the stress but those gray hairs started popping out everywhere! Which, of course, brought more tears. You can't win sometimes.
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Post by bangladesh10 on Dec 1, 2010 15:10:58 GMT -5
The appoitment yesterday wasn't so bad. I did look at the sac again and it had started to 'peak' it looked sort of tear shaped. The Dr. said I would probably have started to miscarry this weekend. In a way it was a relief to finally know for sure. I'm waiting for bf to pick me up to go in for the d/c. The dr. said I should wait two cycles to start ttc again. He said there is an increased risk of mc if we try sooner. So I will listen to him even though we are so anxious to get pregnant again.
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Post by existential27 on Dec 1, 2010 19:31:53 GMT -5
I hope the d&c went smoothly for you. Different doctors will tell you different things about waiting before ttc again-- mine told me there was no need to wait, and I didn't-- but it took me 6 months to get pregnant again. Other women here have gotten pregnant right after their losses, before having another period. Some of those pregnancies were successful, and others were not. For those who had another loss, I don't believe waiting would have necessarily made a difference. Still, I think there is value in waiting a couple cycles to let your body recover. It may even take longer than 2 months for your cycle to get back to what it was before-- but women can and do get pregnant with irregular cycles.
One thing I would suggest during your wait, if you don't do it already, is to learn about charting your menstrual cycles-- a good reference for that is the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and there is also good free information on websites like fertilityfriend.com. Charting not only helps to identify your most fertile times, but it can also show if you might have low progesterone (a luteal phase defect), which can be treated. Charting my cycles helped me to feel more in control of TTC. While actually conceiving is out of our hands, there are definitely things you can do to increase your chances.
Take care of yourself, and allow yourself time to grieve. You can always come here for support whenever you need it. We will be hopeful for you, and there to lift you up and cheer you on.
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Post by cheri on Dec 2, 2010 0:23:42 GMT -5
33 is not old to start at all. Your BO is probably not age related at all. Many of us on here have gone on to have normal births after one, two, and even three BO's. I would also strongly recommend fertility friend.com. Great way to track your cycles.
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Post by mzr on Dec 2, 2010 8:03:28 GMT -5
I hope you are resting well and taking care of your physical self after your D&C. Your body will begin healing on its own and with it, you can start processing and getting closure emotionally while preparing yourself to TTC when you are ready.
I agree with KC and Cheri about fertilityfriend.com. Tracking my cycles did make me feel more in control and, at least, gave me something to focus on other than my emotions. But it is useful for all women so don't push yourself if you find that taking your temperature everyday feels like a burden. It took me several months to feel comfortable about charting.
Another thing that I felt gave me "control" was drinking red raspberry leaf tea. You can buy it at most supermarkets or online. Red raspberry leaves are a natural uterine toner so, while you pamper your mind with soothing warm fluids, you are also pampering your reproductive organs and helping them to grow strong again. RRLT was recommneded to me by the women on this site and then by a naturopath friend. My friend said she recommends it to all women, regardless of age, who are TTCing.
But the biggest piece of advice I can share with you, that helped me the most, is to be patient with yourself. It was (and continues to be) incredibly difficult for me to do this but it really is important. Take a bubble bath, or go for a walk with your BF or by yourself, whatever makes you feel good. Just give your body and mind a chance to relax.
And, as KC said, we are always here for you if you need us, Marisa
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Post by bangladesh10 on Dec 29, 2010 19:18:48 GMT -5
Hello, It has been exactly four weeks since my D&C and I just started a fairly heavy period. My dr. had said to wait for two cycles but I am really chomping at the bit. I've been drinking my red raspberry tea. I'm thinking of taking baby asprin since this is supposed to help with the uterine lining and that is ostensibly the reason the Doc wanted me to wait. I am just real confused about whether or not it is OK to try again this soon.
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Dec 29, 2010 23:50:25 GMT -5
Different Dr.'s give different advice. The ladies on here were told anything from they could start trying again right away to 3 cycles. I didn't wait but it did take 7 months to get pg again. My thought always were that if my body wasn't ready I wouldn't get pg. I know after a D&C you are supposed to wait 6 wks before bding due to the risk of infection. After that when to try again seems to be a personal choice. Only yo know when you are ready. Keep us updated we are here to support you through all lifes journeys. (((HUGS)))
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maz1
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Post by maz1 on Jan 7, 2011 7:03:23 GMT -5
I had my 1st pregnancy recently and it was a BO. I am 40 years old so you've got many years yet! I was shocked to be pregnant but very excited. I also had a strong line on my HPT, but nothing to see on my scan and 10 days later 2 neg tests. I found the support on here very helpful , and I'm glad you have too. I am sure you will go on to have a healthy pregnancy. xx
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Post by mzr on Jan 8, 2011 2:57:36 GMT -5
Doctors usually advice to wait 2-3 cycles to get your body back to "normal". Ideally, for them, they want your cycle to regulate so that they can better date the next pregnancy. And, there is some concern that, especially after a D&C, your lining may need a cycle or two to adjust to normal to support a healthy pg. But, that being said, every woman is different. You are drinking your RRLT so you are doing everything you can to hep your body. If you feel ready to start TTCing, I don't see why you can't. Besides, it may take a cycle or two anyway but you can't get pg again if you don't try. Good luck! We're here if you need us! Marisa
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Post by bangladesh10 on Feb 22, 2011 15:23:07 GMT -5
Thanks again to everyone who has replied. Well, I waited two cycles and I am pregnant again. I calculate that I am about 16 dpo today (I got my BFP on Saturday, 3 days ago.) I was feeling some nausea before I tested but now it is gone. I really don't feel good about this pregnancy at all. I am trying so hard to not let it drive me crazy but I am really terrified that I"m about to go through the same thing again. If we do I think we will have to take a break before trying again. I am wondering when do folks think the best time to go in for that first ultrasound is? 6 weeks, 7? I really want to time it so that it's not too early or too late.
Thanks
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Post by meeko08(Lisa) on Feb 22, 2011 21:33:23 GMT -5
I know I won't be the only one to give you this piece of advice. Symptoms are not a good way to tell about how a pg is going. I have been pregnant many times and some pgs had symptoms and some didn't and I have two boys. As for the u/s question I think 7 weeks seems to be a good time to go although alot of women on here have had good pgs at 6 weeks. Good luck. Tons and tons of sticky dust your way. I am crossing everything I can for you. Please keep us updated.
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Post by mzr on Feb 24, 2011 4:46:08 GMT -5
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on the new BFP! I know it is hard to enjoy when your brain is telling you that it could be another loss. I know, for me, I freaked out every single day of my pregnancy after my first loss, even after I saw the HB and then felt him kicking. I think it's just normal. You lose that innocence and excitement because you know that things can go wrong. But just because you know they can doesn't mean that they will. Allow yourself to feel all your feelings. From excitement to fear. And know that each feeling is normal. As for the lack of symptoms, I didn't feel a single thing until I was 6 weeks pregnant even though my bbs were sore and I had cramps before I got BFP this time around. I was convinced I was going to have another loss and used up lots of toilet paper searching for specks of bleeding. So, like Lisa said, each pregnancy is different and the lack of symptoms really doesn't mean anything. I know it's hard but try not to worry too much about that. As for the u/s, I agree with Lisa that waiting until 6-7 weeks LMP will give you the BEST chance of seeing the HB. If you go before 6 weeks, you MAY see the HB but, if you don't, it could be because it's just too soon and not because there is anything wrong with the baby. I know the waiting is hard but you WILL get thru it. For me, one thing that helped was to have my HCG and progesterone tested. With the HCG, you go two times, about 2-3 days apart. In most healthy pregnancies, your HCG levels should double every 48-72 hours so that will at least give you an idea if, hormonally, the baby is off to a good start. Similarly, with the progesterone, your body needs progesterone to build a strong uterine lining and develop a strong placenta. And, since it is a natural hormone, if your levels are low they can put you on suppositories. Either way, you can at least feel like you are DOING something rather than just sitting around and waiting. We are always here for you if you need anything. When you find yourself worrying, just know that there are lots of ladies on this board who have been in your shoes and know how you feel. And each one of us is crossing our fingers, sending you sticky dust, and holding your hand. The one thing about time is that it always moves forward so, as much as waiting stinks, you won't have to wait forever. Hugs to you. Take care, Marisa
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kel023
Junior Member
Posts: 88
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Post by kel023 on Feb 24, 2011 9:17:24 GMT -5
I have no idea how I managed to miss this entire thread until today! I guess I've been in the wrong place. I just read your first post from back in November and it made me teary eyed b/c it reminded me so much of what I went through too. Like you, I had a BO w/ my first pg and even though it's been a year, I remember being in that u/s room like it was yesterday. It was heartwrenching and I'm so sorry you had to go through that too. Additionally, I had some of the same fears that you had mentioned about not being able to conceive....ever. I think it's only natural to think that way when your first pg ends in a loss. It's a very scary time.
On a happy note though, I'm so excited to hear about your BFP!!! I'm totally in the same boat as you as I'll be 8 weeks pg tomorrow......and like you, I've been freaking out daily. I did what Marisa mentioned above though and had my HCG levels checked early on and that helped a lot. She’s right, it made me feel more in control. The doctor also gave me progesterone suppositories (just in case) and told me to take two baby aspirins a day. I figured if it can’t hurt, why not? I had my first u/s at 5 wks 6 days which I knew was super early but we ended up seeing a little flicker of a heartbeat. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you cause when you have that moment (and you will!), it’s amazing. My second u/s is 3/1 (which will be 8wks 4 days) but I'm still kinda scared…… I can’t help it as I’m sure you can understand.
Keep us updated though and no matter what happens, know that you have found a wonderful site. These women are fantastic and so supportive in a time when you need it most.
((Hugs)) Kelly
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Post by bangladesh10 on Feb 28, 2011 21:19:38 GMT -5
Congratulations Kelly on your 8 weeks! And thanks to everyone for your good advice. The Dr. is monitoring my hcg levels. So far they look good and it is reassuring. I had my blood drawn again today and get the results tomorrow. I am just taking it one day at a time. The ultrasound is scheduled for March 14 which will be about 7 weeks. Since I suspected I was pregnant I've completely quit exercising. I exercised a lot the first time around and even though I know logically it had nothing to do with the BO I just don't feel comfortable doing it. So I've kind of been in a lazy stupor which I don't feel good about but I'm telling myself it's OK. I tend to get depressed when I don't exercise. I wish I didn't have this feeling like I am just passing time but I can't help it. My boyfriend keeps telling me to 'live every day to the fullest' etc. I know he's right but it's hard to do. I am getting married in July so either I will be 51/2 mo pregnant at the wedding or I won't be. I'm waiting to pick a dress until after the first ultrasound. I have this fear that I'll order an empire waist dress, then lose the baby, and then end up having to wear a dress I picked for a bump, bumpless. I hope to god that doesn't happen. It is a fine line trying to stay positive but without getting my hopes up too much.
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Post by bangladesh10 on Feb 28, 2011 22:36:09 GMT -5
I just got my blood test back. My hcg is 5,534. The chart from the Dr.'s has that as low for 5 weeks but what I'm reading on line puts it as normal. I am between 5 weeks and 5 weeks 2 days. I know I am obsessing! I'm comforted but isn't it true that your hcg levels continue to double with a bo?
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Post by cheri on Feb 28, 2011 22:41:01 GMT -5
Everyone who has gotten PG after a BO has been very worried. That is a totally normal feeling. Try to take it one day at a time. betabase.com is one that helps you follow your HCG levels. Once you see a baby and a heartbeat-and an ultrasound is really a better indicator. As far as exercise, I would try walking. Walking is great for you. I know it is not vigorous but it will help you feel a bit better.
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Post by mle24dec on Mar 1, 2011 8:24:58 GMT -5
Congratulations on your BFP!!! As Cheri mentioned, all of us who have gotten pregnant after a loss have felt the way you are feeling. It really stinks to lose the innocence of being pregnant, but there is not much we can do about it except lean on each other here. With my first pregnancy, I was only scheduled to get an u/s at 12 weeks. Any additional were if there were any concerns. Thankfully, I ended up with one at 30 weeks to check the size. My second pregnancy was the same way. However, with this pregnancy, I am over 35, so they did a 12 week and a 20 week. That is all I am scheduled for unless something comes up. The one thing to realize is that somewhere around 12 weeks, they will be able to get the baby's heartbeat on a doppler. So, though you won't see you sweet little one, you will have some reassurance. Some ladies have actually rented or purchased good dopplers to use during their pregnancies for reassurance. By 20 weeks, you will be able to feel the baby moving, so that will give you some reassurance, too.
As for numbers, with a bo they can still rise, but I believe they tend not to double. The longer it goes, the less quickly they rise if it is a bo. With exercise, my doctor has always told me that I could continue to do what I was used to doing, but not to do jarring types of exercise. So, as Cheri mentioned, walking is great. Biking would be good.
Praying the next 2 weeks go quickly and you get to see a healthy baby on your u/s. In the meantime, know we are here to offer support and feel free to vent any concerns. We totally understand. (((HUGS))) Michelle
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kel023
Junior Member
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Post by kel023 on Mar 1, 2011 11:10:21 GMT -5
Congrats on your upcoming wedding! That's so exciting. I think your HCG levels sound good too! I was only at 921 at around 4 - 4 1/2 weeks and so far so good.
As far as exercise, I've heard the same thing as Cheri and Michelle about it being safe to continue to do what you are used to while also making sure to not overdo it. I, however, never excerised (at all) to begin with so I've been scared to start anything new. I'm actually going to ask my doctor today if walking about 20 minutes a day on a treadmill would be okay for me. Same with a Prenatal Yoga class. I can't really see him saying no, but we'll see.
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Post by mzr on Mar 2, 2011 9:03:31 GMT -5
B- I wouldn't worry about your HCG levels. At 5 weeks mine were 2800 and I have a healthy 3 year old boy now. So it is extremely variable! Congrats on the wedding too! How exciting! I'm sure it's nice to have something as happy as that to take your mind off the pregnancy - or at least to distract you - for the next 2 weeks while you wait for the u/s. I also just wanted to say that I understand your stopping exercising. I was running when I had my BO and chem pg, like you, I rationally knew it was probably unrelated but it always nagged me. So, when I found out I was pg with both Owen and this baby I stopped doing anything too big. I still walked and picked up my son but nothing too intense. And my yoga teacher told me that she recommends taking it easy for the whole first trimester just to give your body a chance to get used to the changes. So, do what feels good for you and don't feel bad about being a couch potato for a while. Once you have a little toddler running around, you'll miss the opportunity to sit on the couch and rest. Keeping my fingers crossed for you! Take care, Marisa
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Post by bangladesh10 on Mar 10, 2011 18:36:49 GMT -5
I wish I had better news. I just had my u/s and they saw no heartbeat. I should be at least 6weeks 3 days and the embryo measured 6 weeks 1 day. She said just based on instinct I have a 50/50 chance of viability. I go back on Tuesday 3/15. I am just numb.
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Post by existential27 on Mar 10, 2011 19:40:35 GMT -5
A day or 2 off in measurement isn't really a big deal. I'm sorry you didn't see the heartbeat-- but I would still hold out hope because it's possible the heartbeat just hasn't started yet, and will be there when you go back next week. You are still early, and it's not always possible to see the HB in the early 6 week range. Hang in there! Praying for great news next week for you!
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Post by bangladesh10 on Mar 10, 2011 22:25:09 GMT -5
Thanks I needed to hear that. The Dr. seemed pretty negative but I've read a lot of stories of it turning out well for others.
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kel023
Junior Member
Posts: 88
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Post by kel023 on Mar 11, 2011 8:47:14 GMT -5
I agree, it might just be that you are too early. I would definitely still hold out for hope as well. Try to relax as much as possible before Tuesday and I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you!
Kel
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Post by mle24dec on Mar 11, 2011 9:00:02 GMT -5
I'm glad you are getting another u/s. 2 days off, as the others have mentioned, is not unusual. We always think we know when we conceived, but it gets tricky as sperm can live a few days and so can an egg...
Anyway, when I went for my u/s with Keely, I thought I was 7 weeks. Turned out I was just shy of 7 weeks. The tech did get a hb but she said we were lucky. The 6th week is tricky. It is a 50/50 chance of seeing a hb. She prefers to do them closer to 8 when it is more definitive. You should be able to have an answer Tuesday, though. Either they will see that everything is progressing and there is definitely a yolk sac, etc...or it will have started to deteriorate. My prayer is that it was just too early to see the hb and that Tuesday will bring you joyous news. (((HUGS))) Michelle
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Post by carlsangel on Mar 11, 2011 15:18:14 GMT -5
Did they see a yoke sac? If so, it is really likely it is just too early to see a h/b. With my last m/c I had a u/s at 6.5 wks and there was a small baby with no h/b but I also did not have a yoke sac...if there is no yoke sac, there is no way the baby can get nourishment, therefore you know it's not a healthy pregnancy. I hope and things work out for you!!!
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