Post by Blighted Ovum Board Admin on Nov 24, 2008 9:51:14 GMT -5
I just borrowed this from another thread:
Sadly, this seems to be a common reaction. It happened to me, and I've seen it time and time again referenced on this board.
Was there a baby at the moment the blighted ovum was discovered? No. The pregnancy has already failed and the baby is gone and everything else is chugging along on cruise control because the body doesn't yet know there is no longer a baby. Was there a baby there originally? Yes, IMO. There absolutely was a fertilized egg, that is the very essence of a blighted ovum. The problem is that (most likely due to chromosomal error) the fertilized egg stopped growing and is eventually absorbed.
Comments about there not being a baby are hurtful and wrong, in my opinion. I think they undermine the grieving process by claiming there is no need to grieve. I've had women tell me they feel there was no baby and that it helped them, so I want to make this clear I'm writing this from my personal perspective. I do not want to hurt anyone by undermining their personal opinion. I do, however, feel strongly that those cells that came together were very much my baby. A baby that I spent 11 weeks loving. My story isn't much different than most others...blighted ovums are often found late because there is a placenta and it's continuing to grow. My belief is that the placenta is there because my baby was there for his or her short time.
I am personally horrified by medical personal and others who have never had a blighted ovum announcing there was no baby. Not only do I not agree, I think it's hurtful and cruel. I do not have those feelings about those of us who've had a blighted ovum, we all cope individually different and we have an absolute right to decide if the fertilized egg was, in fact, our baby.
For me? I must say...most emphatically...there abosolutely WAS a baby.
one nasty nurse told me that it's okay because there never was a baby
Sadly, this seems to be a common reaction. It happened to me, and I've seen it time and time again referenced on this board.
Was there a baby at the moment the blighted ovum was discovered? No. The pregnancy has already failed and the baby is gone and everything else is chugging along on cruise control because the body doesn't yet know there is no longer a baby. Was there a baby there originally? Yes, IMO. There absolutely was a fertilized egg, that is the very essence of a blighted ovum. The problem is that (most likely due to chromosomal error) the fertilized egg stopped growing and is eventually absorbed.
Comments about there not being a baby are hurtful and wrong, in my opinion. I think they undermine the grieving process by claiming there is no need to grieve. I've had women tell me they feel there was no baby and that it helped them, so I want to make this clear I'm writing this from my personal perspective. I do not want to hurt anyone by undermining their personal opinion. I do, however, feel strongly that those cells that came together were very much my baby. A baby that I spent 11 weeks loving. My story isn't much different than most others...blighted ovums are often found late because there is a placenta and it's continuing to grow. My belief is that the placenta is there because my baby was there for his or her short time.
I am personally horrified by medical personal and others who have never had a blighted ovum announcing there was no baby. Not only do I not agree, I think it's hurtful and cruel. I do not have those feelings about those of us who've had a blighted ovum, we all cope individually different and we have an absolute right to decide if the fertilized egg was, in fact, our baby.
For me? I must say...most emphatically...there abosolutely WAS a baby.