Blighted Ovum Miscarriage Support - Is it true "there never was a baby"?

Blighted Ovum Miscarriage Support
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Dec 23, 2009, 9:36am

This forum offers pregnancy loss support for those who have suffered a miscarriage, with concentrated support for those who were diagnosed with a blighted ovum (also referred to as an anembryonic pregnancy). This is a very supportive large group so everyone should respect each other. No flaming, starting conflicts or spam is allowed. If anyone has a problem with another member please contact one of the moderators, please do not bring any arguments to the board. We are here for support during a very difficult time.

Please visit our website, Coping with Pregnancy Loss, for further information on the diagnosis of a blighted ovum.

Blighted Ovum Miscarriage Support :: Blighted Ovum/PG Loss Support :: FAQ: Freqently Asked Questions :: Is it true "there never was a baby"?

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Topic: Is it true "there never was a baby"? (Read 520 times)

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Is it true "there never was a baby"?
« Thread Started on Nov 24, 2008, 9:51am »

I just borrowed this from another thread:

one nasty nurse told me that it's okay because there never was a baby

Sadly, this seems to be a common reaction. It happened to me, and I've seen it time and time again referenced on this board.

Was there a baby at the moment the blighted ovum was discovered? No. The pregnancy has already failed and the baby is gone and everything else is chugging along on cruise control because the body doesn't yet know there is no longer a baby. Was there a baby there originally? Yes, IMO. There absolutely was a fertilized egg, that is the very essence of a blighted ovum. The problem is that (most likely due to chromosomal error) the fertilized egg stopped growing and is eventually absorbed.

Comments about there not being a baby are hurtful and wrong, in my opinion. I think they undermine the grieving process by claiming there is no need to grieve. I've had women tell me they feel there was no baby and that it helped them, so I want to make this clear I'm writing this from my personal perspective. I do not want to hurt anyone by undermining their personal opinion. I do, however, feel strongly that those cells that came together were very much my baby. A baby that I spent 11 weeks loving. My story isn't much different than most others...blighted ovums are often found late because there is a placenta and it's continuing to grow. My belief is that the placenta is there because my baby was there for his or her short time.

I am personally horrified by medical personal and others who have never had a blighted ovum announcing there was no baby. Not only do I not agree, I think it's hurtful and cruel. I do not have those feelings about those of us who've had a blighted ovum, we all cope individually different and we have an absolute right to decide if the fertilized egg was, in fact, our baby.

For me? I must say...most emphatically...there abosolutely WAS a baby.

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BO diagnosed with first pg, October 16, 2000 at 11w3d. Mom to Liam age 7, Kinsey, 5.

daffylexer
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Re: Is it true "there never was a baby"?
« Reply #1 on Nov 24, 2008, 11:59am »

I think regardless of whether we're told there was never a baby or not, or whether we believe there was or not, we all grieve the loss of our dream. The moment we find out we're pg we're moms. We begin to think of the baby that's coming. Even though I felt very ill-at-east with my first pg, like I knew something wasn't right, I still couldn't help looking at cribs, reading through baby name books, wondering if it were a boy or a girl, and thinking about what it would be like to hold my baby, and not some one else's, in my arms. Personally, I loved the changes my body was making and even though my breasts hurt like hell, my stomach was distended to the point where my clothes didn't fit (even at 6 weeks) and I felt nausous all the time, I loved it becuase it meant my dream of finally becoming a mother was finally coming true.

And then that dream was ripped from my heart.

I think my doctor summed it up perfectly when I told him my b/o was probably for the better becuase I know it meant something was not right with the baby. He said, "It doesn't matter what the head knows, only the heart. And you've just had your dreams taken away, so it's okay to grieve for what you've lost."

In the end, I don't think it matters whether one person believes there's a baby, while another one does not. What comes down to it is that we've had a loss...a tremendous loss, and it's okay to be sad and angry, and to cry, and to let ourselves feel that way for as long as we need to, regardless of what anyone tells us.

Alexa

« Last Edit: Nov 24, 2008, 10:26pm by daffylexer »

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DS - Justin (May 12, 2008)
b/o April 9, 2007
m/c April 4, 2009

BFP August 13, 2009 / EDD April 19, 2009 "Stick, Baby, Stick!"
We're having a BOY!

Common Abbreviations: BO = Blighted Ovum, MC or M/C = Miscarriage, DH = Dear Husband, DD = Dear Daughter, DS = Dear Son, TTC = Trying to Conceive, HPT = Home Pregnancy Test, BFP = Big Fat Positive, BFN = Big Fat Negative, CM = Cervical Mucus, CP = Cervical Position, BD= Baby Dance (sex), DPO= Days Past Ovulation, EDD= Estimated Due Date, AF=Aunt Flo (menstruation/period), IC= Incompetent Cervix, IUI= Intrauterine Insemination, IVF=In Vitro Fertilization, VBAC=Vaginal Birth After Cesarean Section, SD= Sperm Donor, PPD=postpartum depression, PG= Pregnancy, O=ovulation, O'd=Ovulated, and OPK=Ovulation Predictor Kit, POAS=pee on a stick, 2WW=2 week wait

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